Here’s what we’ve got on tap next week: a review of Brad Pitt’s ridiculously massive coif from Johnny Suede (1991), a report on the decidedly unfestive banquet in 1966’s Czech New Wave nightmare A Report on the Party and the Guests, and a sleazy vintage exploitation movie to be named later. We’ll also take time out to defend the much-maligned aesthetic philosophy of “weirdness for weirdness’ sake” from the realist yahoos.
It was a quiet week for weird search terms, but as always we did locate a few doozies to share with you. First, in an update from last week’s weird search term rundown, the person searching for “plasticity her panties” apparently came up empty and came back with a more specific search for “television show plasticity her panties.” Ah, we see now… wait a minute… In more recent developments in bizarre Googling, we could nominate “australian horror film where a girl goes through a wall and she gets her vagina destroyed by a worm” as our Weirdest Search Term of the Week, except that we would not be at all surprised to find that such a movie really exists. From the “searchers who believe search engines are psychic” file we offer “weird film that pete cant remember the name of,” and from the “finally, a question we can actually answer” file come “are people allowed to make weird movies” (yes!) In a week with little bizarre competition, however, the phrase “how can i get locked up in girl car trunk” manages to sneak in as our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week. We have no idea what question the searcher is looking for an answer to; the most obvious interpretation would seem to be “how can I get locked up in a girl’s car trunk?”—but other equally weird readings are possible (e.g., “how can I get locked up in a car trunk full of girls?” or “how can I get locked up in a car trunk of the female gender?”)
Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: Johnny Suede (next week!); “My Wrongs 8245-8249 and 117″; The Hour-glass Sanatorium [Saanatorium pod klepsidra] (out of print in Region 1, but we’ll keep looking); Liquid Sky (re-review); 3 Dev Adam; Fantastic Planet; “Twin Peaks” (TV series); Society; May; Little Otik; Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE→
A look at what’s weird in theaters, on hot-off-the-presses DVDs, and on more distant horizons…
Trailers of new release movies are generally available on the official site links.
IN THEATERS (LIMITED RELEASE):
Battle Royale 3D (2000): Read our capsule review. American distributor Anchor Bay already rereleased the 2D Japanese kid-death tournament thriller earlier this year to cash in on its similarity to the blockbuster The Hunger Games; they’re milking the cow further with this 3D conversion (which already screened in the US in 2010). No official site so we’re not sure exactly where it’s playing and when, except that we know it’s at the IFC Center in Manhattan.
FILM FESTIVALS: CANNES (Part 2) (Cannes, France May 16 – 27)
The Paperboy (2012): A reporter investigates a death row case; somehow, this causes Nicole Kidman and John Cusack to have psychic sex (?) We’re cautiously adding this one to our watchlist after Stephen Garrett of the New York Observer called it an “off the rails… nut-bar melodrama” in an article encouragingly called Cannes Gets Weird. Of course, Garret offers Walter Salles’ adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s On the Road as evidence of Cannes “getting weird,” which is actually evidence of why critics who aren’t licensed by the Weirdcademy shouldn’t go around declaring stuff weird. Here’s the rest of our 2012 Cannes watchlist.
IN DEVELOPMENT:
Frankenpimp’s Revenge: The Romeo and Juliet Massacre (est. 2014): Tony Watt returns to his Frankenpimp roots with this second entry in a planned trilogy; this script brings in both Romeo and Juliet and Dracula. The original Frankenpimp was an unwatchable three hours long; Watts’ next two movies each ran for two and a half hours. We’re praying this one will be edited down to under two hours, but we’re not sure there is a “cutting room floor” in a Tony Watt production. Frankenpimp’s Revenge: The Romeo and Juliet Massacre at IMDB.
NEW ON DVD:
Certified Copy (2010): A woman (Juliette Binoche) takes an author (William Shimell) out for a tour of Tuscany; both characters change personalities and become entirely different people by the film’s end. Mysterious but uninvolving arthouse hit. Buy Certified Copy (Criterion Collection).
Cowboy Bebop (2001)/American Pop (1981) Double Feature: Read our Cowboy Bebop review. What an odd pairing: a relatively recent sci-fi anime feature and a three-decades old pop-music historical drama that just happens to be rotoscoped. The only thing the two movies have in common is that they’re animated and end in “op,” but if you happen to like both, the disc is a good deal. Buy Cowboy Bebop / American Pop Double Feature.
Gums (1976): An XXX parody of Jaws wherein mermaid Terri Hall performs fatal fellatio on seafarers. The weird part is the movie “stars” insane performance artist and “stand-up tragedian” Brother Theodore as “Captain Carl Clitoris.” This is one of the strangest items we’ve ever seen offered on Amazon . We’re not sure if this is the uncut hardcore sex version—though ever since we bought Aphrodisiac! from them, we’re positive Amazon isn’t above selling hardcore porn—so buyer beware. Buy Gums.
Mutant Girls Squad (2010): On her 16th birthday a schoolgirl discovers she’s a mutant when she spontaneously spouts a knife from her hand; she gathers more of her kind to take over Japan. More post-Tetsuo machine-mutant madness from the usual splatterpunk suspects. Buy Mutant Girls Squad.
A Serbian Film (2010) (“Uncut”): Read our review. This notorious shock flick was previously unavailable in Region 1 (via legitimate channels) in uncut form; at this writing Amazon is showing it as “out of stock” (did fans buy up all the copies thinking it might be pulled, or was it pulled?) You can check availability through the “buy” link. Buy A Serbian Film (Uncut).
Surreal Sicko (2012?): We had to mention this movie with a vague plot description about a rapist who tries to blame his crimes on a schizophrenic just because of the title (‘s a real sicko—get it?) No director was credited in the product listing but research reveals that this is the work of unknown but somehow annoying microbudget auteur Bill Zebub. Because it’s from Zebub, we’re suspicious that this might be another retitled rerelease of one of his older movies: Skits-o-Phrenia (similar title strategy) or The Crucifier (shares at least two common cast members) seem like likely possibilities. Buy Surreal Sicko.
“Up All Night with Robert Downey Sr.” (Eclipse Series 33): Wow, is Criterion’s “Eclipse” series nailing the weird lately: first there was “Pearls of the Czech New Wave” (which we’re still sifting through), and hot on those bizarre heels comes this even stranger set from the underground auteur behind the Certified Weird Greaser’s Palace. The set includes five counterculture provocations: Babo 73, Chafed Elbows, No More Excuses, the relatively famous Putney Swope, and the (never before seen?) Two Tons of Turquoise to Taos Tonight. We’re taking bets on how many of these will be certified weird (the over/under is 1.5). Buy “Eclipse Series 33: Up All Night with Robert Downey Sr.”
NEW ON BLU-RAY:
Castle in the Sky (1986): A boy and girl search for a floating castle in Hayao Miyazaki‘s third animated feature. This Disney upgrade to Blu-ray comes with a complementary DVD copy of the movie. Buy Castle in the Sky (Blu-ray/DVD Combo).
Mutant Girls Squad (2010): See description in DVD above. This is a Blu-ray/DVD combo pack and at the time of this writing the combo was only one penny more than the DVD itself (prices, of course, are subject to change). Buy Mutant Girls Squad [DVD/Blu-ray Combo].
Whisper of the Heart (1995): A teenage girl finds that the stories she’s writing about a dapper cat named “the baron” are coming true; a Japanese rendition of John Denver’s “Country Roads” plays a part in the plot. A Studio Ghibli effort written and produced (but not directed) by Hayao Miyazaki; like Castle in the Sky, it comes in a DVD/Blu-ray combo pack. Buy Whisper of the Heart (Blu-ray/DVD Combo).
FREE (LEGITIMATE RELEASE) MOVIES ON YOUTUBE:
Moon (2009): Read our capsule review. Not so weird, but the 2001-style lunar loneliness may get under your skin as you watch space miner Sam Rockwell go insane on the moon. Watch Moon free on YouTube.
What are you looking forward to? If you have any weird movie leads that I have overlooked, feel free to leave them in the COMMENTS section.
Common Law Wife (1963) is a hoot, as most period exploitation films are. This film, directed by the infamous schlockmeister Larry Buchanan and Eric Sayers, gets a lot of mileage out of the white trash melodrama genre.
Nasty old oil miser Uncle (love the name) Shugfoot Rainey (George Edgley) is bored with his worn out, tired-looking, live-in waitress girlfriend Linda (Anne MacAdams). Still, Linda is no pushover and proves it when she refuses to flinch while that mean old Uncle Shug throws darts at her head. But, after five years, Uncle Shug wants new tail, which he plans to get through his niece (!) Baby Doll (Lacey Kelly). Baby Doll is built like a French brick house and Linda, feeling like yesterday’s washrag, ain’t havin’ none o’ that!
Baby Doll, fresh from her job as a New Orleans stripper, is plenty willing to put out for some of her uncle’s assets, but she meets a road block in the rejected Linda. That heifer Linda has went and gotten herself a lawyer! Linda’s found out that she don’t haveta go nowhere, cause according to the law, she’s a… COMMON LAW WIFE! What is Shugfoot gonna do? “She’s lived with ya for five years, Shugfoot! That makes her your common law life according to the law!” “Well, gosh darn it, then change the law!” “You can’t change the law Shugfoot, no matter how much money ya got!”
Baby Doll has a past in her uncle’s town. Among her conquests she used and abused was the Sheriff. Now, Baby Doll, thwarted by Linda, plans to get her hooks into Uncle Shug and bust up the Sheriff’s marriage in the process.
Uncle Shug is jealous of the Sheriff. The sheriff’s wife and Linda are jealous of Baby Doll, the local boys can’t keep their eyes of the walking brick house, and when stinky old Uncle Shug finally croaks, you can bet hell hath no fury like women scorned! Cue flying fur!
Baby Doll goes a skinny dippin’, Baby Doll drives the Sheriff crazy, Baby Doll gets chased through the swamp by a potbellied moonshiner! Baby Doll doesn’t know it, but Linda’s now a pistol packin’ mama! The downbeat, brutal ending, enhanced by gritty camerawork, is icing on this sleaze-o-rama cake.
Both Sinister Cinema and Something Weird Video have competing dvd releases of Common Law Wife. Something Weird pairs the film with Jennie:Wife Child (1968) which is another buxom tart/old redneck man exploitation flick with a skinny dipping scene and a ultra hip trash score. Another “bonus” is Moonshine Love (1970) , which is essentially a soft core, tiresome nudie about a naked babe (?) and a carrot. Sinister Cinema’s version has equally good mastering, but comes with no bonuses. However, it was once available in that company’s priceless Drive-In Double Features, which are returning after a bit of a hiatus. A third DVD release is on the inexpensive and low-grade transfer label Alpha Video. Alpha pairs Wife with the equally indispensable Shanty Tramp (1967). Regardless which DVD version you choose, Common Law Wife is best enjoyed with a lot of company and plenty of cheap beer.
“Michele Soari gave me the script. At first I didn’t understand anything, because it was really strange. It’s a horror movie, it’s a sex movie, it was really strange…”–Anna Falchi
DIRECTED BY: Michele Soavi
FEATURING: Rupert Everett, Anna Falchi, François Hadji-Lazaro
PLOT: Together with his nearly-mute associate Gnaghi, Francesco Dellamorte is a groundskeeper at a cemetery; his most important duty is to blow out the brains of the zombies (“returners”) who rise from their graves after seven days. Weary of his life as a zombie-slaying gravekeeper, Dellamorte is reinvigorated when he falls in love with a beautiful young widow. Things grow stranger when he hears the voice of Death speaking to him, suggesting another approach to his job…
BACKGROUND:
Cemetery Man is adapted from the novel (or possibly graphic novel) “Dellamorte Dellamore” by Tiziano Sclavi, who went on to enormous popular success in Italy with his “Dylan Dog” comic book series about a supernatural investigator with a Groucho sidekick.
In Italian “della morte” means “of death” and “dell’amore” means “of love.”
Michele Soavi has had an odd directing career. He apprenticed under Italian exploitaion impresario Joe D’Amato, and later worked as a second unit director for both Dario Argento and Terry Gilliam. Given the opportunity to direct his own features, between 1987 and 1991 he produced three solid but relatively conventional horror films (Stagefright, The Church, The Sect), but nothing suggesting he would produce anything as demented as Dellamorte Dellamore. Despite the fact Dellamorte was a domestic and critical success in Italy and eventually became a cult hit around the world, at the peak of his acclaim Soavi retired from both horror and feature film making, choosing to direct movies in multiple genres for Italian television instead.
Soavi has talked from time to time of possibly making a sequel. In 2011 fellow Italian director Luigi Cozzi informed Fangoria magazine that Soavi had started on the script and planned to make the film in 2012, but there’s been no further news on the project since that notice.
INDELIBLE IMAGE: An honorable mention must go to the eerily erotic midnight interlude when Everrtt and Falci make love in a Gothic graveyard lit by spermatozoa-shaped glowing will-o’-the-wisps. It would be a crime, however, if the movie’s most indelible moment didn’t involve Cemetery Man‘s two weirdest characters, the mute child-man Gnaghi and his girlfriend, an underage severed head (buried, for some reason, in a bridal veil) whom he keeps in the broken shell of his television set. You won’t forget what happens when she unexpectedly reveals that she can fly…
WHAT MAKES IT WEIRD: It’s a film criticism fallback cliché to describe an outrageously eccentric movie using the following formula: “it’s [insert name of familiar movie or genre] on acid!” I’m not above recycling useful boilerplate, though: Dellamorte Dellamore is a George Romero movie on acid. The world’s only surrealist arthouse zombie black comedy is too unique (and too poetic) to leave off the List.
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Baby Doll, fresh from her job as a New Orleans stripper, is plenty willing to put out for some of her uncle’s assets, but she meets a road block in the rejected Linda. That heifer Linda has went and gotten herself a lawyer! Linda’s found out that she don’t haveta go nowhere, cause according to the law, she’s a… COMMON LAW WIFE! What is Shugfoot gonna do? “She’s lived with ya for five years, Shugfoot! That makes her your common law life according to the law!” “Well, gosh darn it, then change the law!” “You can’t change the law Shugfoot, no matter how much money ya got!”
![Still from Cemetery Man [Dellamorte Dellamore] (1994)](https://i0.wp.com/366weirdmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/cemetery_man_dellamorte_dellamore.jpg?resize=450%2C279 "Cemetery Man [Dellamorte Dellamore]")