CAPSULE: SECRETARY (2002)

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The second installment in the “Pete’s Perverted Pix” series.

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DIRECTED BY:

FEATURING: , ,

Plot: A tightly wound, obsessive, repressed lawyer meets a meek, neurotic typist who suffers from low self esteem and a compulsion to cut herself.

Still from Secretary (2002)

 

COMMENTS: Let it never be said that 366 Weird Movies turns its back on plain old love stories. We treasure lopsided romances such as Harold and Maude, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It goes to show, you can still have a weird movie even if it’s just a boy-meets-girl story. This time around we have more of a “boy beats girl” scenario, and that becomes our weird angle. The only reason  not to recommend this movie for the Apocrypha is because everything weird about it is done even weirder in other movies. Secretary (2002) stands alone as a truly frank examination of the phenomenon of kink relationships, the one which even the self-identifying “leather community” points to as the  movie that gets BDSM relationships closest to right. That, in itself, is an incredible rarity—but it should be less rare.

It’s not like we get into the floggers and spreader bars right away. It’s a slow-burn progress, starting with Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) being released from a mental institution. She attempts to re-adjust to normal life, hampered by a dysfunctional family including an overpowering mother and by her own neuroses that manifest in a compulsion to secretly cut and stab herself. Lee is mousy and anxious, seeming like she’d shatter at a harsh word, and usually far too intimidated to express herself. She applies for a job in the title profession, at the law office of one E. Edward Grey (James Spader, eight years before the Fifty Shades of Grey books came out). Grey is a demanding and controlling boss, so much so that he apparently needs a custom-made sign to advertise for help. Lee gets the job, since Grey assures her that it’s dull work and Lee responds that she sincerely likes dull work.

Soon their dynamic spins off-center from standard employer-employee. Grey is a stickler for detail who takes special delight in catching every typo in Lee’s work, amassing a collection of red markers for highlighting flaws and lining them up on his desk in OCD fashion. One day while rummaging around the office he discovers Lee’s secret box of self-harm toys and confronts her about it. When he paternally orders her never to engage in such behavior again, the two start to show some magnetism. She is more drawn to him with every new demand he makes and every scolding he gives her, while he is spellbound by her unquestioning obedience to his every whim. It’s obvious that neither of these people ever expected to encounter anyone quite like the other. Finally the tension breaks when Grey gambles on smacking Lee on the rear while she hunches over a desk proofreading, and Lee—instead of running off to file a sexual harassment lawsuit—is totally cool with it. Once the lid is off this boiling pot of kinky sexual tension, the two enter an awkward dance, escalating games of domination and submission, and alternately retreating in fright from their mutually acknowledged dark sides.

Some of their play is point-blank role-playing, such as when he dictates that she take her dinner in tiny portions, while more involved games have her prancing about the office in restrictive bondage gear with a spreader bar holding her arms out like a cross, still handling her secretarial work. Even sillier scenes flash by in montage, most notably Lee on a desk on her hands and knees saddled like a pony. Eventually Grey suffers a classic case of “top drop,” the point where every out-of-the-closet sadist asks themselves for the first time “what kinda sick monster enjoys this?” Even though he tries to break things off, Lee is single-minded. She is deaf to the pleas of her vanilla boyfriend on the sidelines, a sweetheart of a guy who nevertheless just can’t handle Lee with the firm hand she seeks. Will our star-crossed lovers ever be able to relax and enjoy their attraction without judging it?

The amazing thing about Secretary is the poise and balance it maintains while deconstructing a taboo relationship between two little-understood personalities. This could easily have been gross-out schlock, seedy porn, or silly camp, but the characters themselves are treated with dignity, and the relationship is presented as a positive thing for them. The humor is gentle and cherishes the human, flaws and all. As two ostracized, repressed weirdos both attracted and repelled by this energy between them, Gyllenhaal and Spader are downright cute and fun to watch. Finally, we viewers have to accept that, while this relationship wouldn’t work for most of us, it works for these two, and more power to them. As Woody Allen observed in Annie Hall, “we need the eggs.” Secretary may not be the weirdest depiction of the leather lover in the wild, but it is likely to be the most respectful and heart-warming one for many decades yet.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:

 ““Secretary” approaches the tricky subject of sadomasochism with a stealthy tread, avoiding the dangers of making it either too offensive, or too funny. Because S/M involves postures that are absorbing for the participants but absurd to the onlooker, we tend to giggle at the wrong times. Here is a film where we giggle at the right times.”–Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times (contemporaneous)

Secretary

  • Lee Holloway is a smart, quirky woman in her twenties who returns to her hometown in Florida after a brief stay in a mental hospital. In search of relief from herself and her oppressive childhood environment, she starts to date a nerdy friend from high school and takes a job as a secretary in a local law firm, soon developing an obsessive crush on her older boss, Mr Grey. Through their increasing

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PETE’S PERVERTED PIX: A MANIFESTO

Let me share some statistics with you:

  • This 2017 survey says “40% of your fellow Americans identify as kinky,” with 25% citing a specific fetish
  • This nationwide survey says “over 36% of Americans identify as having a specific kink or fetish and over 27% of Americans in a relationship have a sex act in mind that they want to introduce to their partner, but haven’t”
  • This 2026 Fast Company article claims “nearly half of people practice kink, but nontraditional sex still carries a strong stigma”
  • The Fifty Shades of Grey book trilogy, a romance series with a BDSM focus (albeit a blind and clueless depiction of the lifestyle), had sold over 150 million copies worldwide by October 2017. Its film adaptation raked in $569 million on a $40 million budget.

The success of Fifty Shades, printed upon trees tragically killed for the purpose, exposed something very odd in our culture. Apparently a lot more people than we’d imagined were starving for kink smut.

You don’t hear about kink relationships every day. You do hear about LGBTQ+ relationships. A 2025 Gallop poll says 9.3% of Americans identify as LGBTQ+. That’s the whole rainbow flag there, trans and non-binary and genderqueer and all.

It’s amazing how much time we spend fighting a worthless culture war about less than a tenth of the population. I look forward to the day of pansexual acceptance. Not because I’m a bleeding-heart liberal; I just want the dumb war over. People like different things, let’s get over it.

With that said: Go to the back of the gender spectrum closet and knock at the hidden door there, and you’ll find the BDSM closet. Gays and lesbians fight to have their lifestyle normalized, but the scary, kinky people have still years to go before they can glimpse sunlight—even though the overwhelming majority of the kinksters are straight. It’s equally amazing how at least a third of the population partakes of the exotic thrills of sadomasochism, and yet it’s an even bigger taboo to talk about.

I love taboos. They’re like sore pressure points you can lean on just a little and make everybody squirm. Sure, we’ve made some progress in pansexual acceptance, but the fact that we can’t handle a simple fetish without ridiculing it (or eroticizing it) shows we have a way to go, even as moral crusaders blow their big bazoos about men holding hands in public, before returning to their Fifty Shades copy dog-eared to the part where Christian pees on Anastasia.

BDSM pride flagIsn’t that weird in and of itself? It got me wondering, since the BDSM people mobilize for kink-lifestyle acceptance on Fetlife and have their own pride flag and everything, where is the normalized depiction of a dominant/submissive relationship in media? My quest for such a film is documented in my Medium essay “BDSM in Mainstream Cinema | Will Kink Ever Get Any Respect?

There, Secretary (2002) wins my award for “most down-to-earth depiction of power exchange relationships.” A runner-up happens to be a weirdie reviewed here as well, The Duke of Burgundy. Yes, as bizarre as that film is, it’s still a pretty even-handed depiction of a domestic role-playing household, and a lesbian one at that—two alternative lifestyles for the price of one!

So now I might as well finish my quest and review the other half of the BDSM-genre films, the highly abnormal depictions. The weirdest possible, of course. I’ll document my thoughts here, and we’ll re-huddle at the end to inventory our new insights into the freakiest, most broken, most perverted, most inhibited species on Earth: people.

Join me on my safari into the weird Leather Underground!

Movies reviewed in the series:

IT CAME FROM THE READER-SUGGESTED QUEUE: THE GREAT MCGONAGALL (1975)

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DIRECTED BY:

FEATURING: , , Julia Foster, John Bluthal, Victor Spinetti, Valentine Dyall, Julian Chagrin, Clifton Jones

PLOT: William Topaz McGonagall, renowned by history as one of the worst-ever practitioners of the art of poetry, recounts his eventful life and demonstrates his inability to distinguish fact from both faulty perception and flights of imagination.

Still from The Great McGonagall (1975)

COMMENTS: Scotsman William McGonagall, poet and self-declared “Knight of the White Elephant of Burmah,” has a sterling reputation as a butcher of words without peer. Works such as his bathetic salute to “The Tay Bridge Disaster” have survived over the decades because of their fierce dedication to repetitiveness, disdain for meter, and tendency toward rambling distraction. He is an avatar for the so-bad-it’s-wonderful crowd, on the shelf alongside Florence Foster Jenkins and Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Spike Milligan is also a British hero, although more intentionally, known as a destroyer of comedic conventions. (His spontaneous takedown of an intended tribute from Prince Charles brought down the house in a room full of Britain’s leading comic lights.) His work on “The Goon Show” is deeply influential, with professed fans ranging from the members of to Eddie Izzard to all four . Despite this, Milligan was never a bona fide star on the level of his old pal Peter Sellers, and his ingrained outsider status (born in India to an Irish father) ensured that he could never attain his country’s highest honors. So perhaps it’s not surprising that this serial puncturer of British pomposity would find some affinity with an artist who made the very upper echelons he hoped to enter look foolish .

And that right there is me putting approximately the same amount of effort into researching this review as Spike Milligan did into prepping for the film. It’s not as though anyone would think Milligan was attempting to perpetrate a proper biography on the public; the goal is obviously jokes and nothing but. Nevertheless, The Great McGonagall is a notably slapdash affair, feeling more like someone gave the improv suggestion “William McGonagall” to a troupe at the Edinburgh Fringe, rather than any real attempt to mine the man’s life for material. Most of the acting company takes on multiple roles throughout the film, and Milligan frequently literalizes the staginess of the production like scenes from a music hall revue, complete with an easel advertising the next act. One has to marvel at the laziness of the enterprise, given that this is an actual motion picture featuring two authentic British comedy legends. They could, you know, try a little.

Milligan offers two modes of joke-telling: non sequiturs, and extensive riffs on the trope of the penny-pinching Scotsman. The former gives the film some of its air of oddness; whenever logic dares to show up, it is quickly stomped out. For example, Prince Albert is notably German, but in Milligan’s hands, he becomes a flat-out pastiche of Adolf Hitler, and so naturally a dance scene is accompanied by an orchestra made up entirely of Hitlers. Or consider the curious case of Alfred, Lord Tennyson, who first appears after McGonagall haughtily compares himself to the acclaimed poet; Tennyson pops in to say that he really can’t be bothered right now, as he’s in the middle of a vigorous session of lovemaking. He’ll show up later (initially alongside five Tennyson impostors) to extol the virtues of McGonagall’s poetry while simultaneously stripping down and climbing into the dying Scotsman’s bed alongside a Zulu chieftain. It is unequivocally strange. It’s not especially funny.

Milligan and McGrath’s wandering tale goes furthest off the reservation when appealing to the softcore porn producer who pumped some conditional cash into the film’s budget. Why else would a totally nude dancing woman pop up in McGonagall’s cell in debtors prison? Why intercut McGonagall’s imagined courting of Victoria as a benefactor with a naughty threesome? Of course it doesn’t make sense. The disconnect is the joke. By that standard, it’s a great success, but not an especially edifying viewing experience.

The film has a laudable and unwavering dedication to deadpan performances. Sellers plays it completely straight as Queen Victoria, quietly assuring all who don’t recognize her that “I’m very big in England.” As McGonagall’s long-suffering wife Foster hits all the notes for a sweet, silent, and supportive spouse, even while her husband’s deathbed doctor keeps propositioning her. Perhaps the surest sign of the cast’s commitment is the uproarious mocking laughter that greets McGonagall’s poetry recitals. The sheer cruelty of the response produces the last thing one would expect, and the most dangerous to this kind of comedy: pity for Milligan and his otherwise blissfully ignorant hero.

That points to what gets horribly lost in this ersatz biopic of William McGonagall: McGonagall himself. Milligan uses some of the man’s actual poetry, but it’s so scattered and mixed in with all his other pretensions that you never get a sense of why anyone, McGonagall included, thought he could write, other than blinkered delusion. The most interesting joke–the poetry—was handed to the filmmakers on a silver platter, and they divest themselves of it whenever possible, depriving Milligan of a guaranteed platform for extended silliness. Instead, he’s just a master of ceremonies overseeing a parade of weirdos who are weird for weirdness’ sake. It’s a real waste. No McGonagall. No Milligan. Just a mess.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:

“Obviously low budget, it’s like a bizarre vanity project for Milligan, and includes many of the obsessions that would appear on his Q television series, such as Scotsmen in kilts, Adolf Hitler, custard pies in the face and false noses. Is it funny? It’s certainly strange.” – Graeme Clark, The Spinning Image

ADDITIONAL LINK OF INTEREST: 

Socioeconomics journalist Tim Harford examines the life and career of the real William McGonagall on his Cautionary Tales podcast, floating the theory that the poet was in on the bit, and that the terrible poetry was actually an elaborate ruse to keep his career afloat.

(This movie was nominated for review by Mike B. Suggest a weird movie of your own here.)

The Great McGonagall

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    CAPSULE: DUST BUNNY (2025)

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    DIRECTED BY: Bryan Fuller

    FEATURING: , Sophie Sloan, Sheila Atim, Sigourney Weaver

    PLOT: An orphan girl hires a middle-aged killer-for-hire to kill the monster living under her bed.

    Still from Dust Bunny (2025)

    COMMENTS: Bryan Fuller has established himself as a unique voice and a major name in the entertainment industry , producing and writing a variety of TV shows both based on well-known franchises (“Star Trek: Discovery”) and more personal in tone (“Pushing Daisies,” “Wonderfalls”). The latter category is the perfect showcase for his idiosyncratic vision combining the playful and macabre.

    In Fuller’s debut as a feature film director, this combination is apparent in the relationship between the two protagonists. Mikkelsen plays a hardened and cynical hit man, an anti-hero bringing to mind his leading role in Fuller’s iconic show “Hannibal.” Sophie Sloan, in contrast, plays Aurora, a young girl tormented by the monster lurking under her bed. These two couldn’t seem more different, but those differences are what makes them perfect complements.

    Fuller establishes the connection between the girl and the killer early on in a purely visual way, without dialogue or unnecessary exposition, just with a firefly leading the viewers’ gaze. The characters’ eyes intersect; they are neighbors in the same apartment building. And when a “dust bunny”—our tale’s monster—devours the girl’s parents, she doesn’t hesitate to ask her intriguing neighbor for help. Gradually, a connection blossoms between them, notably similar to the central dynamic in ‘s Léon: The Professional.

    Not everything is as it looks. A  game of unreliable narrators and deceptive POVs takes place, blurring what is real and what is pure imagination—at least for a while. Dim lighting and foggy environments create a sense of ambiguity, enhancing an already hypnotic atmosphere.

    Dust Bunny is uninterested in maintaining this uncertainty for long, however, especially in regards to the nature of the monster. The special effects used for the creature haunting the girl lose their subtlety in the second half of the narrative, dramatically degrading the horror aspect. Instead, it remains a character-driven drama with action elements and hints of the supernatural. There is an attempt at commentary about the monsters in ourselves, but it seems like an afterthought. Some twists will make for an entertaining ride, for sure, but not enough for a truly memorable experience. In the end, Dust Bunny is too much style and not enough substance.

    WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:

    Strange, bizarre, and terrifically weird, writer/director Bryan Fuller’s ambitious ‘Dust Bunny’ should whet the appetite of fantasy fans hungry for a mature fairy tale… [the] script is like a Lewis Carroll fever dream. The peculiar setting teases a sweet children’s story akin to ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland,’ but Fuller embraces the darkness.”–Jonathan Hickman, The Newnan Times-Herald (contemporaneous)

    Dust Bunny [4K UHD + Digital Insert]

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