CAPSULE: MONOS (2019)

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DIRECTED BY: Alejandro Landes

FEATURING: Sofia Buenaventura, , Moisés Arias, Wilson Salazar

PLOT: A paramilitary squadron of teenagers guard a hostage at a remote jungle location; bad decisions by the inexperienced soldiers lead to tragedy.

Still from Monos (2019)

COMMENTS: Monos is a movie that reminds everyone of other movies, of Lord of the Flies and Apocalypse Now and Aguirre the Wrath of God. That’s not a knock on director Alejandro Landes; there’s no need to reinvent the wheel, when existing styles are the best means to tell the story you want to tell.

A co-ed group of eight teenagers are given rifles and tasked with guarding an American hostage (and a cow) on a lonely mountaintop. To pass the time, they play blindfolded soccer and shoot automatic rounds into the air; as the story begins, their life is more like summer camp than boot camp. They have code names like “Rambo” and “Bigfoot” and work for “the Organization,” with their single point of contact with the outside world a ripped dwarf dubbed “the Messenger.” We do not know why they are fighting or who they are fighting for or against. Besides providing an ambiguous ambiance, there’s an important reason for the lack of specific context to the military campaign–it puts you in the same position as the conscripted kids, who have no ideology and show no understanding of the prospects or merits of their side of the conflict.

Monos is a worthy movie, but it’s mostly a work of psychological realism exploring the dynamics of a group of child soldiers. The kids struggle against their hormones, form internal alliances, seem to not understand why their hostage isn’t friendlier to them, and make immature decisions that lead to their numbers being whittled down over the course of the movie. Its slim claims to weirdness stem from a number of impressionistic, ritualistic montages—in particular, one where three of the team discover psychedelic mushrooms on the eve of a government ambush—which gives it that surreal fog-of-war haze found in war films like Come and See. Mica Levi (Under the Skin ) contributes a misty, atonal score that heightens the ethereal unease.

Wilson Salazar (“the Messenger”) was himself drafted into the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia (FARC) at the age of thirteen. He was initially brought in to train the kids to act like soldiers, but the filmmakers liked his look and persona so much that they cast him in a prominent role.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:

…surreal, wildly beautiful… Easily one of the best films of 2019.”–Tara Brady, The Irish Times (contemporaneous)

WEIRD CHRISTMAS

It’s Christmas Day, and we’re in the spirit of giving. This year we’re giving the gift every blogger wants—free traffic and backlinks—to WeirdChristmas.com (no relation). This site is light on weird Christmas movie content, but hosts a podcast describing weird Christmas traditions around the world (including a survey of Christmas pickles and the skinny on Frau Perchta, Krampus’ eviler cousin who rips out bad children’s guts and replaces them with garbage). There’s also a selection of weird Christmas music, and their specialty: weird Christmas postcards from the Victorian era. We’ve reprinted our favorites below, but if you like them be sure to give WeirdChristmas.com a seasonal visit. Then come back to us tomorrow for more weird movie reviews and news.

Weird Christmas postcard

Weird Christmas postcard

Werid Christmas postcard

Weird Christmas postcards

(Weird Christmas site founder Craig Kringle devoted an entire post to analyzing the “frog murder” card)

APOCRYPHA CANDIDATE: CATS (2019)

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DIRECTED BY: Tom Hooper

FEATURING: Francesca Hayward, Idris Elba, Taylor Swift, Judi Dench, Ian McKellan… (Indeed, the cast list is so talent-heavy you couldn’t swing a cat without hitting someone with an entertainment award.)

PLOT: Meow.

WHY IT SHOULD MAKE THE APOCRYPHA LIST: Not only did “they” pull the trigger on this one, they emptied all six of the chambers. From the opening nonsense of cat-people-cats spouting the word “jellicle” like it was going out of style, up through to the finale where I swear they send off one of their own to her death, the cataclysm just wouldn’t stop.

COMMENTS: As might be expected of a man of my disposition, I am the owner of cats–two, to be precise. One of them featured in a review of mine some months ago. The other has joined me on a number of occasions while I watched other assignments. So perhaps it was this that led me to volunteer my time and sanity, and sit through a musical that I had mostly knew about from the context of a classic Upright Citizens Brigade sketch. But the transformation I underwent during the movie was comparable to that which bunches of A-list actors and celebrities went through to become Cats.

I could discuss the finer points of the plot here, but I’ll spare you my narrative discourse. If you know anything about Andrew Lloyd Webber‘s iconic work, you’ll know there isn’t really a story. It’s merely a showcase for descriptions of various “types” of cats found about London. (This geographic limitation may explain why the particular archetypes of my own cats weren’t explained to me in song form.) Moreso, you knew whether or not you were the kind of person who’d want to see Cats by the time the first hints of its production sprang up.

And why was this movie made? In a way, I think that it had to be. Some critics complain ad nauseum that everything these days is a remake, sequel, or adaptation, but this has been the norm since the earliest days of cinema. As to how the producers got all these big names on board, I do not know; but then, perhaps you have to agree to performing in Cats if you are asked. However, I can say that I didn’t leave the cinema thinking any less of any of the parties involved, and was actually quite pleased with Idris Elba’s performance as the only two+ dimensional character of the bunch.

I was in a something of a manic state during the drive home as I reflected what I had just gone through. About fifty-five minutes into the movie, I glanced at my watch for the first time and nearly recoiled in terror. After all the song and dance I had watched these “jellicles”[note]Someone please tell me what that word is and how it pertains to cat-human-cats.[/note] go through, I was only half-way through. Around that time I noticed two things: first, there was an intermittent but persistent clicking coming from one of the right-hand speakers; second, the latter half went by far more quickly than the first. I don’t know if it’s a testament to the powers of Eliot + Webber + Hooper, or testament to brain damage I suffered five-and-a-half years ago, but I actually started to care about these things. The end of times, to be sure.

So to the other staff at 366, I apologize for putting us on the hook for this. To everyone else: Happy Christmas, Io Saturnalia, and Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cathulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:

“In fairness to the general Cats reaction, the trailer—and indeed, I can say now, the whole movie—is bizarre-looking and freakish and garish and off-the-rails/all-over-the-place and bombastically beyond the scope of fanbrat respectability/acceptability. But here’s the thing: those are points of praise.” -Mike McPadden, Daily Grindhouse (contemporaneous)

WEIRD HORIZON FOR THE WEEK OF 12/20/2019

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Our weekly look at what’s weird in theaters, on hot-off-the-presses DVDs and Blu-rays (and hot off the server VODs), and on more distant horizons…

Trailers of new release movies are generally available at the official site links.

IN THEATERS (WIDE RELEASE):

Cats (2019): The holiday blockbuster the Internet has been dreading, a big screen adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical adaptation of “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats,T.S. Eliot’s volume of light verse. “It’s weird, and queer, and deliberately fetishistic, and you’ve never seen anything like it before… even if what you’re seeing should never touch human eyes,” says The Spool’s Clint Worthington. Cats official site.

IN DEVELOPMENT: PRE-PRODUCTION:

The Hawkline Monster (202?): For decades, , and later , sought to adapt Richard Brautigan’s “The Hawkline Monster,” a “Gothic Western” novel about gunslingers sent on a mission to kill a monster that lives in Miss Hawkline’s basement. Regency Pictures has now acquired the rights and is giving it another go. The big news is that is in negotiations to direct. Even though The Favorite was a huge step backwards (in terms of weirdness) for the Greek director, this one could be promising. More information at Variety.

IN DEVELOPMENT: POST-PRODUCTION:

Sister Tempest (2020): strikes again with another crowdfunded surrealist epic. This one is a psychological thriller-type tale taking place in a dreamspace equally inspired by and Zardoz. We can 100% guarantee this will be weird; it’s now looking for $6,000 in post-production funds. Sister Tempest at Indiegogo.

NEW ON HOME VIDEO:

“Boogiepop Phantom”: Mind-bending 12-episode anime about a mysterious angel of death. The series was written by collaborator Sadayuki Murai and recommended to us by 366 reader Chie. On Blu-ray from a distributor called “Right Stuf.” Buy “Boogiepop Phantom”.

The Lighthouse (2019): Read Giles Edwards’ apocrypha candidate review! VOD purchases of Robert Eggers‘ claustrophobic two-handed horror start today, with physical media dropping the first week of January. Buy The Lighthouse.

Long Day’s Journey into Night (2018): Read our review. ‘s ian drama about a man’s dreamlike search for a lost woman has been available on DVD and VOD (and Kanopy); here it is on Blu-ray (with a second 3D Blu-ray disk so you can see it as originally filmed—if you have the equipment). Will not ship by Christmas. Buy Long Day’s Journey into Night.

NEW ON NETFLIX:

“Twice Upon a Time” [“Il était une seconde fois”] (2019): A man finds a mysterious box that allows him to travel back in time to a date before his girlfriend broke up with him. Uncertain weirdness, but “TV Guide” suggests this is a “-esque conceit,” so this four-episode French miniseries many be worth taking a flier on. “Twice Upon a Time” on Netflix.

CERTIFIED WEIRD (AND OTHER) REPERTORY SCREENINGS:

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975). We’ll only list irregularly scheduled one-time screenings of this audience-participation classic below. You can use this page to find a regular weekly screening near you.

FREE MOVIES ON TUBI.TV:

Blue Velvet (1986): Read the Canonically Weird entry! ‘s most accessible weird movie is a tale of severed ears, sex slavery, and spontaneous bordello karaoke. Now listed as “leaving soon” on Tubi. Watch Blue Velvet free on tubi.tv.

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE: We’ll have a slight slate for the upcoming holiday week: all we promise is a review of the odd Colombian teen-soldier drama Monos, although we may throw something else your way as a surprise gift. We’ll be taking some time off as we prep for a year-end festivities the following week. So keep Christmas weird and enjoy your day(s) off. Onward and weirdward!

What are you looking forward to? If you have any weird movie leads that we have overlooked, feel free to leave them in the COMMENTS section.