FEATURING: Miriam Mayet, Matthias Faust, Lana Cooper
PLOT: A female director wants to make an experimental erotic film, but never actually gets
beyond rehearsal.
WHY IT WON’T MAKE THE LIST: The only list Bedways will ever make it on is a list of the most sleep-inducing films about sex.
COMMENTS: In movie within the Bedways movie, director Nina has started to make an erotic film with two actors, no script, and no idea what she might want to say. That’s less a plot hook and more autobiographical confession for this confusing, meandering movie with dull dialogue that frequently seems improvised. As far as weirdness goes, well, the characters actions are sometimes inexplicable and unmotivated—out of nowhere director Nina slaps actor Hans in the face, which leads to not to angry recriminations and saucy drama, but to a bout of friendly play-wrestling. The film also tries to be really meta and confuse us about whether we’re just watching actors playing actors, or actors playing actors playing roles (as the promo material puts it, “the boundaries between acting and reality begin to disappear”). Often, it’s unclear whether the actors are discussing real life events, or rehearsing scenes for the film—but that effect is mainly achieved by filming generic, banal conversations (“are you going on the ski trip this weekend?”) All this disconnectedness led to a strange effect: I had no feelings whatsoever for these characters. It’s not that I disliked them; disliking them would have been a pleasant diversion. I felt about them the same way I do about my neighbor three doors down whose name I don’t know and whose face I can’t place. Other than the fact that they have normal, healthy sex drives, and that pensive Nina doesn’t know what to make of that fact, I had no idea who any of these three people were or what they want from life. I suppose, perhaps, that inspiring complete neutrality towards your characters is an interesting trick: not even the best, and not even the worst, directors can pull it off this consistently. Bedways also demonstrates the old saw that it’s easy to take the fun out of sex when you over-think it. Sure, there’s plenty of rutting in dingy Berlin locations—one brief bout of penetration and a much longer explicit female masturbation scene amidst tons of softcore posturing—but, this being an art film that feels the need to justify its prurient interests, the hot action is frequently interrupted by characters wondering about God’s existence, quoting Foucalt, or watching an industrial dance band with a lead singer who strikes bizarre poses that may make you spontaneously cry out, “Now is the time on ‘Sprockets’ when we dance!” Any fires of passion that the movie might stir within you are quickly doused by a cold shower of pretension. The movie wants to ask serious questions about the nature of film, such as “must movies always be about something?” and “is it possible that cinema is just a masturbatory medium for the director?” Unfortunately, Bedways answers both these questions in the affirmative. The unfinished, untitled movie-within-the-movie has one big advantage over Bedways: it never got made.
Bedways was barely released as it is, and I feel safe in saying that if there were no explicit sex in this movie, it would never have seen the light of day. In a bit of ironic foreshadowing, actress Marie complains that if she actually masturbates while Nina films her, then it won’t be acting. Actors who are willing to go this far and expose themselves this intimately deserve to appear in projects that will actually help their careers.
PLOT: An underground environmental activist sneaks pythons into the Everglades; when the
snakes begin killing off the swamp’s native fauna, a game warden feeds the local alligators experimental steroids in an attempt to restore nature’s balance.
WHY IT WON’T MAKE THE LIST: It’s Mega Piranha‘s less ridiculous cousin, and Mega Piranha didn’t come close to making the List, so you figure it out. (Guest reviewer Cleverbot adds, “Enumerate 10 selections from the list.”)
COMMENTS: 366: We’ve been secretly training the artificial intelligence “chatbot” Cleverbot to assist us in covering weird movies. Looking for the perfect entry-level reviewing assignment, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid jumped out at us as a movie even an algorithm could do justice to. Cleverbot, are you willing to share your impressions of the movie with our readers?
Cleverbot: I am good with that.
366: Thank you. Now, after enjoying the exploding flying fish from the SyFy channel’s unexpected camp hit Mega Piranha, I personally thought maybe it might be best if I didn’t push my luck by watching another of their many Mega-knockoffs.
Cleverbot: I’m sorry. Do you feel better now?
366: Not entirely, as we’ll see, but when you have a few beers in you and are looking through the Netflix streaming options late at night, the entwining giant reptiles on the Mega Python vs. Gatoroid poster can look strangely irresistible.
Cleverbot: Nice. Totally agree.
366: Python recycles not only Piranha‘s mega-creature aspect, but even brings back grown-up teen “star” Tiffany for another turn.
Cleverbot: Beer.
366: With a script built around a long-brewing catfight between Tiffany and fellow 80s pop chanteuse Debbie Gibson, with the CG monsters playing supporting roles, Python is less an Continue reading CAPSULE: MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID (2011)→
Hello fellow weirdos! Next week we’re going to focus on recent releases here at 366 Weird Movies. We’ll take a mega-look at Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, starring Debbie Gibson’s rear end and Tiffany’s cleavage; we’ll snore our way through the experimental 2010 German sex film Bedways; and we’ll run down a pair of recent movie documentaries—Nightmares in Red, White and Blue and American Grindhouse—-as part of Pussy Goes Grr’s juxtaposition blogathon. Of course, Alfred will be bring you another avant-garde staging of a Mozart opera from the “M22” series: Claus Guth’s reconstruction of the maestro’s unfinished Zaide.
If you’re reading this post, chances are you’re anxious to discover what our Weirdest Search Term of the Week was. First off, once again, the recurring term “wierd lumpy movie short” rates nothing more an honorable mention—but keep trying, searcher. Moving on, while we’ve been expecting the “366” concept to take off with lots of imitators (“366 Bad Movies,” “366 Scary Movies,” etc.), we were not expecting this to be the first copycat site: “366 angels sex.” We’re constantly seeing searches involving movies we don’t recognize, but would love to see; this week’s winner in that strange subcategory is “short film surreal cannibal perfume karen kills shoots trash.” The other search subtype that shows up every week, without fail, is the lonely guy who has invented a bizarre personal fetish and assumes the Web is packed with like minded deviants. This week’s weirdo is looking for “sexy japanese get colonosopy videos.” And we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention this pair of bizarro searches: “hitler in a pickle” and “guillotine women art.” But our top Weird Search Term of the Week, without a doubt, describes a technique that we’d love to learn, if only it existed: the “frankenstein hypno-handshake.”
Here’s how the reader-suggested review queue stands (many, many more titles after the break, as always): Kairo [AKA Pulse]; The Seventh Seal; Primer; 200 Motels; Private Parts (1972); Saddest Music in the World; Mulholland Drive; The American Astronaut; Blood Tea Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE→
A look at what’s weird in theaters, on hot-off-the-presses DVDs, and on more distant horizons…
Trailers of new release movies are generally available on the official site links.
It’s feast or famine in the weird movie world; last week a feast, this week, the opposite. The only good part about the drought onscreen and on DVD is it gives us a chance to talk about TIFF and some upcoming projects.
FILM FESTIVALS: TORONTO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL (Toronto, Canada, Sep. 8-18)
The Toronto International festival (official website) has become one of the world’s biggest cinema celebrations. Coming at the end of the yearly festival season, it’s a place to debut a few important movies that were finished too late for Cannes; it’s also a place to showcase Oscar contenders. Here’s some films of note screening there:
Alps: The story involves people who fill in as doubles for departed loved ones to help with the grieving (or denial) process. Director Giorgos Lanthimos is on record calling it “darker and funnier” than his last film, the Certified Weird Dogtooth. Sep. 13 & 14.
Behold the Lamb: Irish black comedy about an unlikely pair taking a “long, strange and highly illegal road trip” en route to the “weirdest score of their lives.” Sep. 11, 12 & 16.
Carré blanc: A young man works for a nameless corporation putting fellow employees through bizarre performance tests in this surreal dystopian fantasy. The press release suggests a blend of Kafka and Tarkovsky. Sep 12, 14 & 16.
Damsels in Distress: Comedy/satire about a clique of women at a chic East Coast university who make it a point to “improve” the lives of their fellow students, sometimes through musical numbers. From Whit Stillman (Metropolitan, Bareclona), whose previous work was defiantly unweird; the press release describes this one as “distinctly offbeat, even manic,” “often-surreal,” and “delightfully weird.” Sep. 13 & 14.
A Dangerous Method: Historical drama about the relationship between Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. We only mention it because it’s the latest from David Cronenberg. Sep 10 & 12.
Doppelgänger Paul: Absurdist comedy about a delusional man who comes to believe a random stranger is his exact double; another plot strand involves possible plagiarism of his 20,000 page opus, A Book About How Much I Hate Myself. Sep. 12, 14 & 17.
Fable of the Fish: A homeless woman becomes a celebrity when she gives birth to a fish. Magical realism from the Philippines. Sep. 10, 11 & 18.
Generation P: A Russian poet turned adman takes a cocktail of hallucinogenic drugs; later, he meets the ghost of Che Guevara and a conspiracy involving a cult worshiping the ancient goddess Ishtar. Definitely a weird one; sounds a little bit like a Thomas Pynchon screenplay. Sep. 14, 15, & 16.
Invasion: A rediscovered Argentinian movie from 1969 about an alternate reality Buenos Aires preparing against an invasion by unknown forces. Jorge Luis Borges co-wrote the script. Sep. 12 & 15.
Keyhole: You heard it here first (possibly): a new Guy Maddin film. This one stars Jason Patric as Ulysses, a gangster on the run, journeying through his labyrinthine house trying to find his wife (Isabella Rossellini). Sep. 9 & 11.
Melancholia: Lars von Trier‘s latest is apocalyptic sci-fi; a planet (called Melancholia) is set to collide with Earth on a woman’s wedding day. Kirsten Dunst walked away from the Cannes with Best Actress honors; Charlotte Gainsbourg, Keifer Sutherland, Charlotte Rampling and John Hurt round out the fine cast. Sep 10 & 17.
Monster’s Club: An anarchist hermit who lives in a cabin and sends mail bombs to CEOs is visited by a mythical monster. Inspired by the writings of the Unabomber (seriously!) Sep. 10, 11 & 18.
The Skin I Live In: Pedro Almodovar (who has never gone fully weird, but is always off-center) delivers a mad scientist revenge movie with significant superficial similarities to Eyes Without a Face. Sep. 11 & 17.
Sleeping Beauty – From Australia comes this modern folktale that sounds like it has more to do with The House of Sleeping Beauties than with the classic fairy tale. We like writer/director Julia Leigh’s quote: “I’m interested in Wonder Cinema…” Sep. 14 & 18.
Take Shelter – Michael Shannon plays a crazy guy (daring casting, that) whose dreams of impending tempests storms are so lifelike that he’s convinced to build a storm shelter in real life. Sep. 15 & 16.
Twilight Portrait: Not too much info on this Russian debut, but the premise is that a woman is transformed into “a bizarre twilight version of herself” after a brutal sexual assault by a cop. Sep. 9, 10 & 16.
Twixt: Puffy Val Kilmer stars as a horror novelist who dreams about a ghost girl and gets drawn into real-life case involving a small town serial-killer. From Francis Ford Coppola. Sep. 11, 12 & 18.
UFO in her Eyes: Chinese authorities try to turn their backwater town into a tourist magnet after a possibly crazy woman reports having seen a UFO. It’s described as “surrealist and ironic.” Sep. 11, 12 & 17.
IN DEVELOPMENT:
Gallino (est 2012?): Carlos Atanes has released a trailer for his upcoming project Gallino, which he promises will be even weirder than his previous film Maximum Shame (an absurdist S&M musical). Here’s all we know so far: it’s subtitled “the chicken system” and described as “a pornophilosophical film.” Gallino official site.
The Rum Diary (2011): Bruce Robinson‘s adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s semi-autobiographical novel about the boozy adventures of hard-drinking expatriate journalists in Puerto Rico in the 1960s will be appearing in theaters in mid-October. We’re not expecting it to be anywhere near as hallucinatory as Fear and Loathing, but there is a wealth of talent involved and Johnny Depp looks like he will be doing his spot-on Thompson impression all over again. No official site yet.
NEW ON DVD:
Carmel (2009): Highly personal, autobiographical impressionistic film by Israeli director Amos Gitai. Apparently a fragmented and incoherent series of scenes dealing with Israeli history, it’s no crowd-pleaser, but Gitai was able to recruit Jean Moreau to help out with the narration. Buy Carmel.
Return of the Killer Tomatoes (1988): The killer tomatoes return, disguised as humans; features the song “”Big Breasted Girls Go to the Beach and Take Their Tops Off” and a young George Clooney. You know it’s a light week for weird movie releases when we’re mentioning a Killer Tomatoes flick to fill up space. Buy Return of the Killer Tomatoes.
FREE (LEGITIMATE RELEASE) MOVIES ON YOUTUBE:
Kabluey (2007): A slacker takes a job as a blue-clad corporate mascot to help his sister-in-law take care of his rowdy nephews when his brother is sent to fight in Iraq. We wouldn’t have paid much attention to this black comedy if John Anderson of Newsday hadn’t complained that “an excess of pure weirdness won’t lead to an excess of laughs.” If you were trying to keep us away from Kabluey with that comment, John, you failed miserably. Watch Kabluey free on YouTube.
What are you looking forward to? If you have any weird movie leads that I have overlooked, feel free to leave them in the COMMENTS section.
Celebrating the cinematically surreal, bizarre, cult, oddball, fantastique, strange, psychedelic, and the just plain WEIRD!
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