Category Archives: Free Online Weird Movies

Free Online Weird Movies, Miscellanea

WEIRD HORIZON FOR THE WEEK OF 2/2/2018

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Our weekly look at what’s weird in theaters, on hot-off-the-presses DVDs and Blu-rays (and hot off the server VODs), and on more distant horizons…

Trailers of new release movies are generally available at the official site links.

NEW ON HOME VIDEO:

Gothic (1986): Read the Certified Weird entry! Ken Russell‘s laudanum dream about the night Mary Shelley conceived “Frankenstein” has never had a respecable home video release—until now. On Blu-ray or VOD. Buy Gothic.

Jamón, Jamón (1992): A mother hires an aspiring underwear model to seduce her son’s fiance. Sexy, surreal, and one of the first films for future stars and Javier Bardem. DVD and/or Blu-ray. Buy Jamón, Jamón.

Napping Princess (2017): In the near future a student discovers that the secret to freeing her arrested father may lie in her dreams of a science fantasy kingdom. Light, whimsical dream anime on DVD, Blu-ray and VOD. Buy Napping Princess.

CERTIFIED WEIRD (AND OTHER) REPERTORY SCREENINGS:

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975). We won’t list all the screenings of this audience-participation classic separately. You can use this page to find a screening near you.

NEPOTISM CORNER:

INTERVIEWTF WITH G. SMALLEY (366 WEIRD MOVIES): A random website randomly interviewed 366 Weird Movies’ own G. Smalley on random topics. Read the madness here.

Ten Outstanding Weird Movies You’ve Probably Never Heard Of: You have almost certainly heard of all these, but for novices 366’s “Penguin” Pete Trbovich published a list of ten “lesser known” weird movies (all featured on this website) on Imgur. See his choices here.

YOU LINK US! YOU REALLY LINK US!:

The Apple (1980) < Catherine Mary Stewart: Catherine Mary Stewart’s official site considers us one of only three notable resources (along with the IMDB and the Projection Booth’s podcast) for info on The Apple. Proud to be of service!

Letterboxd Guide to 366 Weird Movies: Superfan Val Santos compiled this list of Certified Weird films on the popular social movie site, and went above and beyond by creating guides to our List Candidates, capsule reviews and even the suggestion queue. Wow!

FREE MOVIES ON TUBITV:

Millennium Actress (2001): Read the Certified Weird entry! As we mentioned in our review, ‘s sophomore picture—a mixed-up anime biopic of a fictional Japanese actress—turns up from time to time streaming on free services. Right now, it’s upstart TubiTV’s turn. With minimal commercial interruptions. Watch Millennium Actress free on TubiTV.

What are you looking forward to? If you have any weird movie leads that I have overlooked, feel free to leave them in the COMMENTS section.

Canonically Weird (The List), Free Online Weird Movies

313. KIN-DZA-DZA! (1986)

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“Koo! Koo!”–Kin-Dza-Dza

DIRECTED BY: Georgiy Daneliya

FEATURING: Stanislav Lyubshin, Levan Gabriadze, Evegeni Leonov, Yuri Yakovlev

PLOT: A construction foreman and a student meet a man on the Moscow streets who claims to be from another planet; humoring him, they use his “traveler” and are transported to the desert planet of Pluk. There, they meet a pair of aliens who only speak the words “koo!” (until they figure out how to translate the human’s language via telepathy). The aliens are amazed by the earthling’s matchsticks, which contain chemicals that are very valuable on Pluk, and barter to return them to Earth in exchange for boxes of matches—but can they be trusted?

Still from Kin Dza Dza (1986)

BACKGROUND:

  • Kin-Dza-Dza was a minor flop when released in Soviet theaters in the winter of 1986, but later became a cult hit when it was split into two parts and shown on television.
  • The movie was virtually unknown outside of the former Soviet Union for many years, only available here in rare dubbed VHS copies until an (almost equally rare) 2005 Russico DVD release.
  • In 2013, original director and co-writer Georgiy Daneliya remade Kin Dza-Dza as an animated children’s movie.

INDELIBLE IMAGE: The first appearance of Uef and Be, who arrive on scene in what’s best described as a flying junk bucket. Be emerges in a makeshift cage, squats with his palms facing forward, and says, “koo!” Uef takes two metal globes and places them on the ground flanking his craft. He also says “koo!” Our two Muscovite travelers are nonplussed.

THREE WEIRD THINGS: Koo-based linguistics; Patsak nose bells; alien/Russian Sinatra karaoke

WHAT MAKES IT WEIRD: This absurdist science fiction satire was deliberately odd from its inception. Today, since the vanished Soviet Union is almost as strange a world as the desert planet Pluk, Kin-Dza-Dza has become a movie about one alien culture lost inside another.


Unofficial Hollywood-style trailer for Kin-Dza-Dza

COMMENTS: You can describe the plot of Kin-Dza-Dza in detail Continue reading 313. KIN-DZA-DZA! (1986) →

Canonically Weird (The List), Free Online Weird Movies

311. SANTA CLAUS (1959)

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AKA Santa Claus vs. the Devil

“Be off, my reindeer, and fly through the heavens as fast as you can go. May my palace of gold and crystal enjoy peace, and Jesus, the Son of God, join us on Earth so that we can all have joy and goodwill.” – Santa Claus

“This is weird theology.” – Crow T. Robot, “Mystery Science Theater 3000, Episode 521″

DIRECTED BY: René Cardona,  [as Ken Smith]

FEATURING: José Elias Moreno, José Luis Aguirre ‘Trotsky’, Lupita Quezadas

PLOT: From his outpost on a cloud high above the North Pole, Santa Claus attempts to fend off the demon Pitch’s schemes to poison the minds of the world’s children against him. Santa spends Christmas Eve sidestepping Pitch’s attempts to derail his rounds. With the help of the wizard Merlin, a collection of child laborers from around the world, and a team of nightmare-inducing wind-up papier-mâché reindeer, he fights to win back the soul of a poor little girl who badly wants a doll.

Still from Santa Claus (1959)

BACKGROUND:

  • Winner of the Golden Gate Award for Best International Family Film at the 1959 San Francisco International Film Festival.
  • Cardona’s remarkably prolific career (he helmed more than 100 films) ranged from literary adaptations to genre classics such as Night of the Bloody Apes and Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy.
  • Produced in Mexico, the film was purchased by American K. Gordon Murray, the so-called “King of the Kiddie Matinee,” who found financial success re-editing and dubbing foreign children’s films into English and releasing them to an American public starved for something to do with their kids.
  • Murray turned a profit through a careful schedule of limited releases, which artificially manipulated the supply and demand, turning screenings into scarce opportunities. The high density of holiday television broadcasts also added to the film’s coffers.
  • Featured in season 5 of “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” Years later, Rifftrax–featuring Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy from the MST3K installment––took its own shot at the film.

INDELIBLE IMAGE: So many to choose from (as you will see in a moment), but the vision I find most difficult to shake is Father Christmas monitoring his acolytes on Earth through the phantasmagoria of eavesdropping devices that make up his Magic Observatory, including an ear attached to an oscillating fan, an eye on an accordion tube, and a pair of very disturbing giant lips.

THREE WEIRD THINGS  Parade of child nations; Santa’s lip machine; cackling clockwork caribou

FIVE MORE WEIRD THINGS (to make 8 for Hanukkah): Interpretive dance from Hell; boxed parents; dream doll ballet; Santa’s rearguard assault; the Cocktail of Remembrance

WHAT MAKES IT WEIRD: Santa Claus seems the results of a cross-border game of telephone: the basics of Santa’s mythology are all there, but the end product is something wholly different and unusual. The attempt to infuse an essentially commercial construct with deeply held moral codes produces a strange sort of alchemy, generating earnest feelings within a deeply unsettling presentation.


English-language trailer for Santa Claus (1959)

COMMENTS: Look, Santa Claus is weird. The guy, I mean. A preternaturally jolly man with a fortress hidden away in the farthest Continue reading 311. SANTA CLAUS (1959) →

Canonically Weird (The List), Free Online Weird Movies

301. FANTASY MISSION FORCE (1983)

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Recommended

Mi ni te gong dui; AKA Dragon Attack

“If it sounds ridiculous, that’s only because it was.”– Jackie Chan on Fantasy Mission Force (quoted in Keith Bailey, “The Unknown Movies”)

DIRECTED BY: Yen-Ping Chu

FEATURING: , , Yu Wang (), Yueh Sun, David Tao, Jin Fang, Shiu Bu Lia, Ling Chang

PLOT: Four Allied generals have been captured by the Japanese. Mercenary Don Wen is hired to liberate them, and recruits a team which includes “Old Sun,” escape artist “Greased Lightning,” two kilt-wearing soldiers, con man Billy, and Lilly, Billy’s bazooka-toting on-and-off girlfriend who tags along when she hears about the cash reward. Tailed by rogues Sammy and Emily, the team encounters Amazons and a haunted house on their way to a surprisingly bloody showdown with the kidnappers.

Still from Fantasy Mission Force (1983)

BACKGROUND:

  • Director Yen-Ping Chu (sometimes credited as “Lawrence Full” or “Kevin Chu”) is the director of sixty-five (mostly kung fu and comedy) films; this is his only effort which is marginally well-known in the West.
  • According to persistent but unconfirmed rumors, a Triad-connected movie mogul ordered a hit on Jackie Chan when he decided to change studios. Jimmy Wang Yu intervened to settle the dispute, and as part of the deal Chan agreed to lend his growing star power to two of Wang’s movies (this being one).

INDELIBLE IMAGE: An ambush by ribbon-shooting ninjas? Bloody ghost hands waving wads of toilet paper? Assault of the Road Warrior-Japanese-punk Nazis? Your opinion on this one is as good as ours, and it’s likely to change many times during the movie as some new amazement pops up. We’ll just go with any shot of the assembled team: Old Sun in his top hat, Brigitte Lin in black leather with a bazooka, Billy in his white suit and Elvis sideburns, the kilt-wearing pair of misfits… as weird a group ever formed to fight an anachronistic battle against fascist kidnappers somewhere in Canada, Luxembourg, or Taiwan.

THREE WEIRD THINGS: Scottish/Chinese mercenaries; toilet paper ghosts; Japanese Nazis in Chevys

WHAT MAKES IT WEIRD: Packed with kung fu, shootouts, flying ninjas, hopping vampires, and slapstick comedy reminiscent of Benny Hill, Fantasy Mission Force is one of the only commercial entertainments ever released where you can honestly say you have no idea what will happen next. It’s a pulp surrealism masterpiece, set in a previously undiscovered movie universe at the conjunction of the Shaw Brothers, , and the Three Stooges.


Original Cantonese trailer for Fantasy Mission Force

COMMENTS: Although some reviewers are reluctant to discuss the Continue reading 301. FANTASY MISSION FORCE (1983) →

Free Online Weird Movies, Miscellanea

WEIRD HORIZON FOR THE WEEK OF 9/8/2017

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Our weekly look at what’s weird in theaters, on hot-off-the-presses DVDs, and on more distant horizons…

Trailers of new release movies are generally available at the official site links.

Summer is over and the weird movie world is heating up now that blockbuster season is past…

IN THEATERS (LIMITED RELEASE):

The Challenge (2017): Experimental low-dialogue documentary about the strange hobbies of wealthy Qatari sheiks who converge for a meeting in the desert. In a generally negative review, Variety nonetheless suggests it’s a “non-fictive but scarcely less fantastical (or mannered) equivalent to Matthew Barney’s cinematic oeuvre.” The Challenge U.S. distributor site.

Napping Princess (2017): In the near future a student discovers that the secret to freeing her arrested father may lie in her dreams of a science fantasy kingdom. Light, whimsical anime magic. Napping Princess U.S. distributor site.

FILM FESTIVALS – Toronto International Film Festival (Toronto, Ont., Canada, 9/7-9/17):

TIFF continues to be one of the world’s major film festivals, even as it continues to evolve and find its own niche in a crowded field. This year, they have narrowed down the slate (from 296 to 255 films) and appear to be focusing more on potential awards contenders, perhaps in an attempt to position themselves as Oscar kingmakers. (Thanks to Variety for recognizing the trend.) Unfortunately, this shift in emphasis means that a few scrappy, weirder films may be the first to be shunted aside for more conventional titles—but there’s still plenty of unusual stuff hiding in the program. Aside form a few titles we’ve noted elsewhere (like ‘s rock opera Jeannette: The Childhood of Joan of Arc, James Franco’s biopic The Disaster Artist, ‘s The Shape of Water, ‘s mother!, and Palme d’Or winner The Square), here’s what caught our eye:

  • All You Can Eat Buddha – A mysterious man performs miracles at a tropical result in this low-key film programmers describe as a “trippy and complex cinematic experience.” Screens Sep. 11-14.
  • The Crescent – Hallucinatory horror about a grieving woman and her 2-year old child. Sep. 13-15.
  • Gutland – Billed as a “surrealist rural noir,” the scenario involves a German drifter who wanders into a strange village in Luxembourg. Sep 8, 10, 12, 13, 16.
  • I Am Not a Witch – Magical realist story about an African girl exiled from her village on suspicion of witchcraft. Sep. 8, 13, 14, 16.
  • The Killing of a Sacred Deer – ‘ latest reunites him with The Lobster‘s , playing a cardiologist who befriends a 16-year old boy. The Sep 7 debut is passed, but you can still catch it Sep 9 or 10.
  • Let the Corpses Tan (Laissez Bronzer les Cadavres) – Gold thieves engage in a shootout with cops in this tribute to Italian poliziotteschi films; doesn’t look as weird as their previous giallo-inspired work, but it’s always interesting to see what and are up to. Sep. 9, 13, 14, 17.
  • Mom and Dad – Pitch black comedy wherein mass hysteria causes parents to hunt their own children; what makes it notable, however, is cranky director teaming up (again) with ever-hammy . Sep 9, 10, 13, 16.
  • Motorrad – Brazilian dirt biking kids are hunted by a machete-wielding biker gang; we probably wouldn’t have noticed this one except that the programmers called it “wild and weird” (twice!) Sep. 9, 11, 13, 16.
  • Oblivion Verses (Los Versos del Olvido) – An elderly cemetery caretaker sets out to bury a woman killed by the secret police in a world gone mad. Sep. 11, 12,. 13, 15.
  • Occidental – Set entirely inside a stylized French hotel, where the arrival of a gay couple sets off a series of absurd xenophobic events. Sep. 9, 10, 14, 16.
  • On Body and Soul – Two Hungarian slaughterhouse employees try to recreate the identical recurring dream they share. Sep. 15-17.
  • Redoubtable – This biopic portrait of at an artistic crisis point after making 1967’s flop La Chinoise is not weird, but potentially of interest. Sep 9, 14, 15, 17.
  • Simulation – Gritty Iranian drama told in reverse chronological order with dreamlike moments. Sep. 12, 14, 17.

Toronto Film Festival home page.

NEW ON BLU-RAY:

The Cabin in the Woods (2012): Read our review. There’s nothing new in this Blu of the ultimate meta-horror except for the fact that it’s been updated to a 4K Ultra HD presentation for those with next generation TVs. Buy The Cabin in the Woods [4K Ultra HD Blu-ray].

CERTIFIED WEIRD (AND OTHER) REPERTORY SCREENINGS:

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975). We won’t list all the screenings of this audience-participation classic separately. You can use this page to find a screening near you.

FREE (LEGITIMATE RELEASE) MOVIES ON YOUTUBE:

“toco toco”: toco toco is a professional short documentary series profiling Japanese artists. Their latest offerings should be of interest to our readers: interviews with gurus (Robogeisha) and (Tokyo Gore Police). Both contain clips from these arterial auteurs gory films and therefore come with a “viewer discretion advised” warning. Highly recommended for fans. Watch them free on YouTube: Noboru Iguchi Episode — Yoshihiro Nishimura Episode.

What are you looking forward to? If you have any weird movie leads that I have overlooked, feel free to leave them in the COMMENTS section.