CAPSULE: SLAUGHTERED VOMIT DOLLS (2006)

Beware

DIRECTED BY:  Lucifer Valentine

FEATURING:  Ameara Lavey, Pig Lizzy, Maja Lee

PLOT: A bulimic teen makes a pact with the devil in this nonsensical odyssey of ICK!

Still from Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006)

WHY IT WON’T MAKE THE LIST:  Despite it’s feature length and small cult following, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is not really a movie at all, just a collage of clips. It was not structured to make any sort of sense, nor does it seem intended to be taken seriously. Regrettably, there does not appear to have been enough thought behind it to consider that it might be a joke on the audience, as was the case with Andy Warhol‘s notorious Sleep (1963).  Of course, I wanted to write about it as a joke. I was going to begin with an intro stating something to the effect that I always try to recommend good cinema. But my conscience won’t let me play that joke on you. The movie is really that bad.

COMMENTS: Abused teen Angela flees home, is sheltered by a lecherous priest, and sexually exploited by all she meets. Think Candy (1968), by Christian Marquand and Buck Henry, based on Terry (Dr. Strangelove) Southern’s novelized parody of Voltaire’s Candide. Only with mangled vignettes, jump cuts, smash cuts, blood, simulated violence, gore, heaving breasts, full frontal nudity, incoherent babbling, dancing bears, Nazism, and of course vomit. Lots of it. Minus the clever plot of Candy. OK, just kidding about the dancing bears and Nazism, but suffice it to say, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls makes Doors lead singer Jim Morrison’s UCLA film studies student project look like Citizen Kane.

Anyway, back to the “plot” (or lack of it). Drug addicted, alcoholic, and repeatedly used as a sexual bucket, a fed-up Angela refutes all worldly good and makes a pact with Satan in return for His protection. It doesn’t work out well. After setting fire to the priest’s church, Angela descends into stripping and prostitution, spiraling ever more furiously hell-bound, with lots of blood, gore, heaving breasts, full frontal nudity, vomit of course, and—oh wait, we already covered that.

Yup. That’s about it. Eye gouge scenes, raving girls rolling on the floor in religious mania, and naked strippers whom Valentine recruited from the local roadhouse. Hot, deranged, tormented, supple, quivering naked strippers covered with red corn syrup, sticking their fingers down their throats and retching on a glass table positioned over an upturned camera.

Apparently Lucifer Valentine is a film student with access to cameras, lights, makeup, and little in the way of clever ideas. He set out to make the ultimate work of shock value pop “art.” As pop “art,” it does indeed reflect abstract expressionism via a survey of superficial contemporary counter-cultural values: sex, drugs, rock and roll, violence, and nihilism. But so does a drive though Southeast LA. Valentine certainly succeeded in making the most deliberately offensive, ridiculous, non-nonsensical picture he could.

Only my most proudly deviant weirdo friends will want to see Slaughtered Vomit Dolls, the first entry in Valentine’s Vomit Gore Trilogy. (Yes, that’s right, there are three of these movies. The next two entries are the 2009 ReGOREgitated Sacrifice, and Slow Torture Puke Chamber [2010]). Yow!

All others avoid at all costs.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:

“…everything on display here (including its at times ‘film-school-esque’ execution) seems all to deliberate. How can we shock? How can we be disgusting? How can we seem weird? How can we gain attention? When your viewer feels as if you were asking these questions during the ‘creative’ process, much of its potential integrity and/or effectiveness is lost.”–Lawrence P. Raffel, Monsters at Play (DVD)


Scenes from Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

3 thoughts on “CAPSULE: SLAUGHTERED VOMIT DOLLS (2006)”

  1. Sounds like something my friend would enjoy.
    Also sounds like something I would watch out of bored curiosity.
    Thanks for the review.

  2. Thank you for reviewing this film so I don’t have to watch it.

    I pretty much have no defense for movies with evocatively disgusting titles. They are almost always pointless wastes of time, but queue them up I will.

    You think I would have learned my lesson after “Gut Pile” and “Die You Zombie Bastards!” Nope. I’m lucky enough this time to catch your review.

    Heck, I’ll watch the stupidest movie imaginable if they contain the promise of gore and heaving breasts. Leave it to film students to make those two attributes a detriment.

  3. “Despite it’s feature length and small cult following, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is not really a movie at all, just a collage of clips”

    Thank god we have a true cinematic genius like you here to tell us what a movie actually is. Just the fact that you think you can define what a movie “is” based on your own opinion shows what a severe lack of ability you have in appreciating and interpreting art, not to mention how amazingly openminded you must be lol. Next im sure youll use your high minded intellectualism to tell me what art “is”. If you do not have the ability to look at such material with an open mind please do not attempt to review it, which further shows your lack of brain capacity.
    The film is transcendent and surreal. It is not meant so much as to show you a story as it is meant to take you on a journey through the darker parts of the human soul. The realism is absolutely beautiful. To be completely honest, the movie is a hard punch in the stomach, but if you are vomitously ill with the mainstream garbage that permeates movie theaters and television, then you are going to love this beautifully horrifying trip outside the box. Set your preconceived notions aside (if you can or dare) and take a look at humanity.

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