In just a few hours, the telecast of the Oscars (or, as we refer to them, the “Weirdcademy Awards for squares”) will begin. We are happy to steal the Academy’s Thunder by announcing cinema’s weirdest winners of 2014.

In the category of “Weirdest Short Film,” in a shocking upset, the Weirdcademy Award goes to Alasdair Brotherston for “Earthworm Heart.”

In the category of “Weirdest Scene,” the Weirdcademy Award goes to The Dance of Reality for the scene where Mrs. Jodorowsky decides that her urine has the power to cure the plague.

In the category of “Weirdest Actress,” the award goes to buxom soprana Pamela Flores, for singing every one of her lines throughout her role as Alejandro Jodorowsky‘s mother in The Dance of Reality.

In the category of “Weirdest Actor,” the Award goes to Michael Fassbender for the title role in Frank as an ecentric musical genius in a giant papier-mâché head.

And the award for Weirdest Movie of 2014 goes to The Dance of Reality, the Alejandro Jodorowsky psychomagical autobiography that is every bit as weird as you’d think it would be.

Thanks to all members of the Weirdcademy, and see you again next year!