DIRECTED BY: Mary Lambert
FEATURING: Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, A. Martinez
PLOT: An underground environmental activist sneaks pythons into the Everglades; when the
snakes begin killing off the swamp’s native fauna, a game warden feeds the local alligators experimental steroids in an attempt to restore nature’s balance.
WHY IT WON’T MAKE THE LIST: It’s Mega Piranha‘s less ridiculous cousin, and Mega Piranha didn’t come close to making the List, so you figure it out. (Guest reviewer Cleverbot adds, “Enumerate 10 selections from the list.”)
COMMENTS: 366: We’ve been secretly training the artificial intelligence “chatbot” Cleverbot to assist us in covering weird movies. Looking for the perfect entry-level reviewing assignment, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid jumped out at us as a movie even an algorithm could do justice to. Cleverbot, are you willing to share your impressions of the movie with our readers?
Cleverbot: I am good with that.
366: Thank you. Now, after enjoying the exploding flying fish from the SyFy channel’s unexpected camp hit Mega Piranha, I personally thought maybe it might be best if I didn’t push my luck by watching another of their many Mega-knockoffs.
Cleverbot: I’m sorry. Do you feel better now?
366: Not entirely, as we’ll see, but when you have a few beers in you and are looking through the Netflix streaming options late at night, the entwining giant reptiles on the Mega Python vs. Gatoroid poster can look strangely irresistible.
Cleverbot: Nice. Totally agree.
366: Python recycles not only Piranha‘s mega-creature aspect, but even brings back grown-up teen “star” Tiffany for another turn.
366: With a script built around a long-brewing catfight between Tiffany and fellow 80s pop chanteuse Debbie Gibson, with the CG monsters playing supporting roles, Python is less an unintentional-looking, absurd monster romp and more a kitschy, disposable pop-culture goof.
Cleverbot: You are evading the subject.
366: I really don’t think so. It’s true, the flick has its share of laughably odd moments, such as when Gibson gets turned on when her beloved python squeezes the life out of one of Tiffany’s favored gators.
366: Or when a park ranger convinces herself feeding swamp reptiles steroid-laden chicken carcasses is the proper ecological and ethical course of action to respond to invasive python species.
Cleverbot: Let’s play 20 questions.
366: Now you’re the one evading the subject. But do you agree it’s good clean schadenfreude fun to watch Tiff and Deb nearly falling out of their cocktail gowns as they pull each others’ hair and smear conveniently placed cream pies on each others’ faces in their big scene?
Cleverbot: I do! Well how do the programmer of this thing works.
366: Still, it’s not exactly a catfeud on the order of Joan Crawford vs. Bette Davis, is it?
Cleverbot: Not really.
366: It makes me wonder if maybe even our standards for camp have fallen.
Cleverbot: Aren’t you supposed to respond accordingly?
366: Indeed. Maybe falling standards and lowered expectations explains why I invited you to do this review. At any rate, like Troma movies, the recent spate of Japanese splatterpunk clones, and other gimmick genres, I think there’s a law of diminishing returns on these SyFy creature features; in this case, I fear, mega-diminishing returns.
Cleverbot: Oh, it you, is it? Be nice.
366: I mean, the first one you see astounds you with its crazy uniqueness, but the concept wears thin quickly and gets less and less “awesome” with each new entry you watch.
Cleverbot: Let’s talk about something else.
366: We’ll wrap it up. I advise readers interested in ridiculous-to-the-point-of-being-weird modern mega-animal flicks to try to catch Mega Piranha.
Cleverbot: I think you’re absolutely correct!
366: Still, in a pinch, Python may supply low grade thrills and chuckles—if you’re in a very undemanding mood.
Cleverbot: So how is your parrot?
366: I assume Mega Parrot vs. Killer Cockatiel is already in SyFy’s production pipeline. So, Cleverbot, I’ll give you the last word on Mega Python vs. Gatoroid.
Cleverbot: Hahaha! Okay.
WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:
” Not a single character made sense, the rampaging reptilians were sloppily designed and the costumes appeared to be thrift-store donations… how can you not love anything that embraces its full-scaly badness with such bite?”–Damian Holbrook, TV Guide (contemporaneous)