Here’s what’s coming up next week: everyone loves top 10 lists (right?), so on Monday we’ll check out the weird films underground director Pat (Heads of Control: The Gorul Baheu Brain Expedition) Tremblay considers essential.  We’ll also remove a couple of titles from that rapidly-growing reader-suggested review queue (see below) with coverage of Todd Rohal‘s super-duper-ultra-quirky debut, The Guatemalan Handshake (2006), as well as Andrei Tarkovsky‘s arthouse sci-fi mindbender Solyaris (1972).  And, continuing his “M22” series, Alfred will cover another avant-garde staging of a Mozart opera with  Martin Kusej’s rendition of Don Giovanni, Wolfgang Amadeus’ darkest work.

If none of the weird search terms we encountered this week were astoundingly strange, at least they were a varied bunch.  We started out the week feeling sorry for the subject of this Internet inquiry: “sex free chris gustafson.”  We hope things turn around for Mr. Gustafson.  Speaking of sex, lust is a subject which inevitably inspires weird search terms, and this week is no exception.  Usually, people who are looking for porn aren’t as prim and proper as the polite pervert who ventured onto the Web looking for “the best suggestion of intercourse sites.”  That’s not quite as bizarre, however, as the fetishist seeking “very dirty and stingy women free porno pics.”  (Is a dirty stingy woman one who buys generic condoms in bulk at the dollar store?)  We’re unsure whether to be disturbed or amused by someone looking for a “surreal jr nudist,” but we do know that we’re confounded by the search for “adult hitler brain” (did the searcher want to be sure he didn’t pull up irrelevant results for child Hitler brain?)  And how could we not mention the puzzling query for a list of “weird movies which cannot be acted in bollywood”?  Still, we didn’t find any of these terms quite as weird as this week’s winner, “how to drive a antichris.”  We have to wonder: is the searcher really looking for info on how to drive an anti-Chrysler?

Speaking of the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue (which we did in the first paragraph), here’s how it’s looking: The Guatemalan Handshake (next week!); Solyaris (1972) (next week!); Kairo [AKA Pulse]; The Seventh Seal; Primer; 200 Motels; Private Parts (1972); Saddest Music in the World; Mulholland  Drive; The American Astronaut; Blood Tea and Red Strings;  The Films of Kenneth Anger, Vol. II (for Lucifer Rising, among  others); Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory; The Bride of  Frank; La Grande Bouffe; Hedwig and the Angry Inch;  Even Dwarves Started Small; Bunny & the Bull; “I Killed My  Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at  Disney” (assuming I can find  it);  Cinema 16: European Short Films;  Freaked; Session 9; Schizopolis; Strings; Dellamorte Dellamore [AKA Cemetery Man]; The Hour-glass  Sanatorium [Saanatorium pod klepsidra]; Liquid Sky;  The Quiet; Shock Treatment; Tuvalu; “Zombie Jesus”  (if we can locate it); The Bed-Sitting Room; 3 Dev Adam;  Fantastic Planet; “Twin Peaks” (TV series); Society;  May; The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th  Dimension; Little Otik; Final Programme;  Careful; Sweet Movie; The Triplets of Belleville;  “Foutaises” (short); Johnny Suede; The Tale  of the Floating World, Un Chien Andalou, Bloodsucking  Freaks; Fellini Satyricon; Three Crowns of the Sailor;  8 1/2; Dororo; Lost Highway; Valerie and Her Week  of Wonders; Dogville; Julien Donkey-boy; Amelie;  The Ten; The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Cheap and Out of Control; Tokyo Gore Police; At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul; The Trial [Le procès) (1962); Marquis;  Hell Comes to Frogtown;  Seom [The  Isle]; Allegro Non Troppo; Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus; Lust in the Dust; Celine and Julie Go Boating;  “Franz Kafka’s It’s a Wonderful Life;” The Magic Christian; Black Cat, White Cat; The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T; Abnormal: The Sinema of Nick Zedd; Robot Monster; Nightdreams; 3  Women; “To Oblivion”; Rubin & Ed; Teeth;  Vera; Weirdsville; Prospero’s Books;  Inferno; Garden State; Persona; The Real McCoy; Rat Pfink a Boo Boo; Themroc; Candy (1968); Run Lola Run; Pink Flamingos; Buffalo ’66;  Northfork; Weekend; The Room; Glen or Glenda?; Night of the Hunter; The Fox Family;  Midnight Skater; Angelus; Cloudy with a Chance of  Meatballs; Twister (1989); Yokai Monsters, Vol. 1: Spook Warfare [AKA Big Monster War]; Britannia Hospital; This Filthy Earth; Conspirators of Pleasure; Piano Tuner of Earthquakes; Clean, Shaven; Bubba Ho-Tep; Sheitan; Innocence; “Chingsao the Clown”; Léolo; 2001: A Space Odyssey; Blue Velvet;  ID (2005); Master of the Flying Guillotine; Yesterday Was a Lie; The Ninth Configuration; Love Me If You Dare;  Forbidden Zone; The Cell; My Dinner with Andre;  The Illustrated Man;  Fando y Lis; Rampo Noir; Head; Christmas on Mars; “Broken Glass”; Videodrome; Air Doll; The Ossuary and Other Tales; Arrebato; Symbol; Wicked City (1992  live action); Barbarella; Picnic at Hanging Rock; The Cars that Ate Paris; The Boxer’s Omen [aka Mo];  Portrait of Jennie; Salo, the 120 Days of  Sodom; The Last Sunset (1961); Orpheus (1950); A Scanner Darkly; Safe; The Atrocity Exhibition; Gainsbourg (Vie héroïque); Slacker; Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell; Color of Pomegranates; Horror Express; Noroi; A Serbian Film (if ever released on DVD, which seems questionable at this point); Cutie Honey; The Shape of Things; On the Silver Globe; Monty Python and the Holy Grail; Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band; 2012 Aficionado DVD Zine Issue #0; The Last Days of Planet Earth;  “Charleston Parade”; Tales from the Quadead Zone; A Snake of  June; The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover; The Neverending Story; Cat Soup; Jack and the Beanstalk (1974, Japan); Drowning by Numbers; Fudge 44; From Beyond; The Saragossa Manuscript; The Drifting Classroom; Brain Dead; Uncle Meat;  Meet the Hollowheads; Nuit Noire; Screamplay; Grendel Grendel Grendel;  Eyes Wide Shut; Twilight of the Cockroaches; The Ruling Class; Indecent Desires; Daughter of Horror [AKA Dementia];  The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie; Daisies; Beauty and the Beast [Panna a Netvor] (1978); Parents; Dark City; Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; 1 Day; The Doom Generation; Black Devil Doll;  Multiple Maniacs; Phantasm IV; and Vermilion Souls (2007) (depending on availability); Lovers on the Bridge; No Smoking (2007); Reflections of Evil; The War Zone; Gahjini; Natural Born Killers; The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb; One Eyed Monster; Reflections of Evil; Natural Born Killers; The Fountain; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); Wool 100%; Murder Party; The Annunciation (1984); Funeral Parade of Roses; Stroszek; Primer; Bad Taste; Aguirre, the Wrath of God; Audition; The Fall; Me and You and Everyone We Know; Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; “Serial Experiments: Lain” (TV show); Darc Arc; Russian Ark; Genius Party; Watership Down; Tampopo; Goodbye Uncle Tom; The Idiots; Repo Man; Der Todersking [The Death King]; Titicut Follies; Mr. Nobody; The Shout; Rubber (this will probably jump in line and be reviewed early as a new release); “Premium” (depending on availability); Sleepaway Camp; The Pit (1981); Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams; The Falls; Spermula; Killer Condom; The Godmonster of Indian Flats; Perfect Blue; I Am Here Now; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; The Bothersome Man; Moebius; Skeletons; Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song; The Brave Little Toaster; The Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Meet the Feebles; The Adventures of Mark Twain; Tourist Trap (1979); Thundercrack!; SLC Punk; Anguish (1987); Buddy Boy (1999); Bliss (1986); La cicatrice intérieure; Avida (2006); Brain Damage; Amazon Women on the Moon; Chronopolis; Blue (1993); Metropia; Zachariah; Labyrinth; Battle in Heaven; The Taste of Tea; Evil Ed; I Will Walk Like a Crazy Horse; Cafe Flesh; Buffet Froid; Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam [AKA Turkish Star Wars]; Rubber’s Lover; The Signal; The Baby; “Alma” (short); The Double Life of Veronique;  “Chick”, Felidae; Spirited Away; Decasia (2002); Killdozer; Tommy; I (heart) Huckabees;  Electric Dragon 80,000 V;  Santa Claus (1959); Strange Circus; Mad Detective; Wild at Heart; Revolver; The Tenant; A Zed and Two Noughts; Litan (1982) (depending on availability); Dark Waters; La Razon de Mi Vida (pending English language DVD release); The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea; Bernie (1996) ( depending on availability); The Ruling Class; Tank Girl; Things (1989); Hair Extensions; Haggard; Svidd neger (depending on availability); RoboGeisha; Schramm; Executive Koala;  Coonskin; Time Masters; Hard Candy; and Waiting for Godot (2001).