WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

This is a very special edition of “What’s in the Pipeline” (you’ll see why as you get to the big announcement at the bottom), so we’ll be altering our usual format. First, however, we have to remind you to vote in the championship round of the March Mad Movie Madness contest, as two weird titans slug it out for the title of Most Popular Weird Movie Ever: it’s Eraserhead vs. The Holy Mountain in an epic smackdown of the bizarre. WARNING: Do not watch these films back-to-back. Your head will likely explode. Voting closes tomorrow (Mon., Apr. 2) at midnight, so be sure to vote here immediately.

 

We are sad to report a dearth of deranged searches this week for our Weirdest Search Term of the Week contest. Queries were so normal this week that we are mentioning “post nuclear skeleton” as one of the stranger terms we encountered. Not very weird, is it? We hesitate to even mention the search for “huge surrealistic breasts”: that’s exactly the type of thing you’d expect to find here. A little odder is someone’s quest for information on a certain “dead vaginal movie.” But if we have to select one search as our Weirdest Search Term of the Week—and we do—we’ll settle on “movie berates homsexual rape telephone what are you doing.” We always like search strings submitted by schizophrenics who start questioning themselves in type while querying Google.

Now for the big news, which will come as a blow to some of you, a relief to others. After careful consideration, I have decided that identifying 366 Weird Movies was too lofty a goal. I am sad to announce that due to time constraints I am abandoning the review project at our current count of 107. Thank you for your indulgence over the years, but weird movies are just no fun for me anymore.

I will not totally leave you hanging, however; I am listing, without comment or commentary, the remaining movies I feel should constitute the 366 Weirdest of All Time, numbers 108 to 366. I thank all of you for your suggestions over the years; however, I am discarding 99% of them as totally misguided. Instead, I give you these greatly superior selections:

108. Bad Boy Bubby
109. Labyrinth
110. My Joy
111. Jesus Christ Superstar
112. Un Chien Andalou
113. Reality Ends Here
114. The Day the Clown Cried
115. The Story of the Eye
116. Scared Sh*tless
117. The Wizard of Oz
118. Sons of El Topo
119. Cremaster 7
120. Turkish Citizen Kane
121. Tranny Zombies: A Tromantic Comedy
122. Two Girls One Cup

123. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
124. Dr. Mracek, the Lawyer, Saved from Drowning
125. Forrest Gump
126. Thanatos Sexualis
127. The Dark Knight Returns
128. B*A*P*S
129. The Autobiography of a Flea
130. Santo Ate the Vampire Women
131. Troll 3
132. Sodom on the Hudson
133. Thunder-Sky
134. The Diseased Brain of Elizabeth Bathory
135. The Marilyn Manson Movie
136. Good Will Hunting
137. On Golden Blonde
138. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
139. Mal de Noir
140. If You See Kay
141. Brain Dead
142. Actus
143. It’s Pat!
144. Son of Italian Spiderman
145. The Sinful Pleasures of Pastor Graham
146. The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan’s Island
147. The Incredibly Strange Hebrews Who Ate Pork and Became Crazy Mixed-Up Gentiles
148. Homosexual Rape Telephone
149. Quick Bang Geckos
150. Daggers of the Spirit
151. To Pwn a Pwner
152. Doppel Danger
153. The House that Stripped Naked
154. The Destiny of Virtual infinity
155. Raincrusher
156. Cappuccino Pansies
157. Betaburgh
158. The Regrettable Evening of a Paisley Bowling Ball
159. Bed, Bath and Betrayal
160. Shlocko
161. Go Cart Massacre
162. Nata/Lali
163. Party of the Ghoul Girls
164. Scrambled Eggs
165. Limeaid Lenny
166. Spit-Shined
167. A Swarm of Satans
168. The Maldives
169. Pardon Me but Your Lung Is on my Knife
170. Moooo!
171. Gladys the Groovy Mule Goes to Washington
172. Werewolves of the Monterrey Pop Festival
173. Grizzly Girl in Gomorrah
174. This Is Too a Movie!
175. Ton of Fuel Element, or Emergency Ton of Fuel Element
176. The Noise and the Anger
177. Film Solipsisme
178. Seed and Sand
179. The Nightmare of Small Talk
180. Death Struggle of the Odd Couple
181. Plumbago
182. Inferno of Assassination
183. The Rocking-Horse Whiner
184. Edward Penishands
185. Valuable Automaton Project
186. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
187. Trading Barbers
188. Tempted Ions
189. Punching Harmony Korine
190. 21, Christian and Flapping Like a Duck
191. Externalized Flailing
192. The Kuric for What Ails You
193. Pencil-nosed Freaks
194. The Rape of John Locke
195. The Midas Retch
196. Cecil B. De Mille Presents: Gilgamesh!
197. Trapped Inside Thee
198. Something Something
199. Plizzz!
200. Untitled Roland Emmerich Project
201. Switch Jimmy Smits
202. Three Wounds for My Lover
203. Don Quixote on Mars
204. OMFG LOL U2?
205. Little Elijah J.
206. Legalized Space Prostitution
207. Inside Joke
208. **G REC***
209. King Leer
210. The Odiferous Stench of the Proletariat
211. Your Leg is Made of Cheese and I am the Lion
212. At Midnight I Will Sacrifice Your Pubic Hair to Satan
213. Diaper Tramps
214. Zit Love
215. The Shawshank Redemption
216. Night of the Insane Lunatic
217. The Godfather Part 3
218. Suspect Two
219. Uwe Boll’s Amerika
220. The Cardboard Assassin
221. Adaptation 2: Donald Lives!
222. Palace of the Fiendish She-Demons
223. Immoral Voodoo Monsters
224. Jim of the Sewers
225. Blood Meme
226. Squat Bandits
227. Fangjaculaion
228. Ascent into Shame
229. The Milkmaid’s Nethers
230. Big Money Bu$tiers
231. Regoregitated Sacrifice
232. Mrs. Tetsuo
233. The Psychedelectable World of L. S. Me
234. Anal Gynecologist
235. The Unholy Valley
236. Extorted to Maim
237. Orgy for Feebs
238. Dismembered Hell Girls
239. They Shaved Hitler’s Groin
240. Neanderthal Fog
241. Tanked Floozies
242. How to Paint the Mayor’s Foundry
243. Variable Gorgon Planet
244. Marcus Maybe
245. How Long Must I Suffer With Your Undergarments?
246. The Uranus Soul
247. Mimicry of Life
248. WWE Wrestlemania Anthology, Vol. 1
249. The Passion of Millard Filmore
250. Tim Burton’s Hamlet
251. Red Soil Rising
252. Eraserhead II
253. Panties Full of Sin
254. Angel Long
255. Lingerie for Breakfast
256. Big Mother Hubbard in Her Stocking Feet
257. Robin Hood in Chicago
258. Doppelgänger Gang-Banger
259. The Omen of Lust
260. Unreasonably Sexy Kung Fu
261. High Sobriety
262. The Ravening Beasts of Jacquet, IL
263. Statuary Rape
264. Arrow in the Knee
265. Metal Bishop of the Cyborg Cult
266. Before the Comet Comes
267. Seven More Samurai
268. The Legless Clockwork Family
269. Emoticon Without a Face
270. Don’t Drink That Corner, My Life is in the Bush
271. Gangster with a Banjo
272. Ripple for a Cripple
273. Bohemian Rhapsody: The Movie
274. The Erotic Adventures of John Phillip Sousa
275. Fiendish Phoenix
276. Mystery of the Waking Apocalypse
277. The President with Two Heads
278. Half-Nurse Gamer
279. Sex-Sickos
280. Zeppo
281. Robitussin ™ Madness
282. Fearlessly Lewd
283. Luminous Id Demon
284. Gallbladder Stew
285. Soiled Brats
286. BOLOGNA!
287. The Mummy’s Party Guest
288. Onion Planet
289. My Mama Was Wrong So I Slapped Her
290. Yakkle
291. Bob Oddly
292. The Whoremongers Revolt
293. Backdoor Lambada
294. Hungry Boobs
295. Seamus, Shamus
296. Feeling Mrs. Wright
297. Beating Keanu Reeves
298. Mother-in-Lawyer
299. Anti-Angel
300. Smurfs with Benefits
301. Samurai Ninja
302. Zerosaurus
303. Calamity Grappler
304. The Sinful Dolphin
305. Cosmocopter
306. Chubby Cuckold
307. Vengeance Wears a Miniskirt
308. Asiago
309. Innocent of Sense
310. The Blind Hooker
311. Bowling for Bozos
312. The Camel That Thought She Was a Peacock
313. Electricity Ogre God Hikaru
314. The Obstacle of Imagination
315. Deathsville. Population: You
316. Legends of the United States Ghostal System
317. Pygmy Goat Warriors
318. Vampire Attack 1980
319. A Gerund Movie
320. Video Mason Manifesto
321. Bow Tie Pasta with Grilled Chicken and Parmesan Sauce
322. Wild Faulty Detective
323. The Flying Saucers of Dr. Skull
324. Professional Snake
325. Molten Children
326. Run, While You Still Have Legs
327. Placeholder Movie Title
328. Fuzzy Bunny Must Be Destroyed
329. Clean My Name, Mr. Love
330. Queen Trapeze
331. Worshipping My Chunky Wife
332. Wet Guardian
333. Skinhead Spacemen
334. The Scornful Sad Cockroach
335. Heart Like a Head
336. Nuns from Canada
337. Mack the Gun
338. Cowboy Firefly
339. Hack Me a Dream
340. The Deaf-Mute Birthday Cake
341. Cat Bimbo
342. The Barista Lives!
343. Execute Order 83
344. Eternal Calm Emotions
345. Archmage Skanks
346. Despicable Earl Barron
347. Journey to the End of the Body
348. Sammo Hung’s Roly-Poly Ninja
349. I was a Modern Himmler
350. Investigation of Bush Before the Rest of the Spirit
351. The Dreadful Gorilla
352. God Got Coldcocked
353. Unimace
354. Weekend in the Love Submarine
355. Ignore Act I
356. Chemical Wednesday
357. The Demolition Twins
358. Zippy McFiercy
359. Knee of Flesh
360. A Smell as Sour as Shame
361. Torture of the Forty Pigs
362. Griffon Maxim Speaks
363. Bloodbath of the Beavers
364. Santa, Clawed
365. The Joke’s on You
366. April Fools Day

9 thoughts on “WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE”

  1. What really shocked me was how little emphasis you put in your “rage quit”. After movie 122, I’m thinking, “Did this man actually invite his 13 year old cousin into his work study, then turn his back?” Guess not. Oh wait…that’s right it’s April 1st.

    P.S. I’d be careful with the movies you list. If a producer were to find “Tim Burton’s Hamlet” on here, I’d finger all of Hollywood before they wrap a stiff ploy around America’s deranged goths.

  2. “Three Wounds for My Lover” doesn’t belong here, sorry. It’s just a regular “Albanian chick meets serial killer manatee from space” flick.
    I’m disappointed that piece of garbage makes the list, whereas “Chocolate Faulkner” and “Oh, stop it with your Tonton-Macoute-smile” will never have a well-deserved spot here.

  3. You know i’ve always respected your opinions and reviews, but that list is ridiculous! This has become a total disappointment. You’ve just lost a customer! Nah, i’m just throwing a little April fools of my own around!

  4. Some of these are really funny
    341. Cat Bimbo
    340. The Deaf-Mute Birthday Cake
    271. Gangster with a Banjo – clearly the sequel to hobo with a shotgun
    156. Cappuccino Pansies
    149. Quick Bang Geckos – a weird search term! saw a few of those in this list

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