You can still vote for the Weirdcademy Awards for one more week! (Since you can vote once every 24 hours, that gives you 7 chances to swing the vote). The races have turned into popularity polls, with partisans of various obscure films stuffing the ballot boxes for their candidates—but these are cult movies, and that’s probably how it should be. May the movie with the most rabid online fan base win! Amy Groneing (Fathers’ Day) and Steve Little (The Catechism Cataclysm) hold commanding leads in the Weirdest Actress and Actor categories, with The Oregonian‘s “rainbow pee” sequence holding a 6 vote edge over its nearest competitor for “Weirdest Scene.”  The race for Weirdest Picture is actually surprisingly close and hard-fought, with Maximum Shame leading  Fathers’ Day by 14 votes (164-150) at the time of this writing.

The place your vote can make the most difference is in the Weirdest Short Film competition, where the lead vote getter (Harmony Korine’s “Snowballs”) has only 8 votes total and a slim margin of only 3 votes. Plus, it’s the only category where you can actually watch all the nominees, so get on it!

Next week’s reviews: we’ll tell you whether Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (available On Demand now or in theaters March 2) is worth $7-8 bucks you’ll have to shell out to see it.  From the reader-suggested review queue, we’ll tackle Marco Ferreri‘s gluttonous drama La Grande Bouffe (1973), about four middle aged men who decide to eat themselves to death. We’ll also take a look at the second of five recently re-released Jean Rollin erotic vampire films when we cover (hee hee) The Nude Vampire (1970), and Alfred will continue downing “Karloff’s Bizarre and Final Six Pack” with a sip from Cauldron of Blood (1970).

Plenty of weird search terms materialized on our server logs this week, and as always we share our favorites with you guys. Typically, it’s the pr0n searchers who provide the most amusing tidbits, and this week is no exception. What follows is the kind of stuff you might hope to find inside our first highlighted search term, “bizarre african porn attics.” First, here’s evidence of why, to avoid unfortunate misunderstandings, you should always consider word order when typing your Google queries: “favourite movies black cat snatch.” We were a bit confused by the request for “lesbian love and lesbian women and a dog watch free porn movies.” Even stranger, however, was “japanese astronaut puking fetish.” (We know fetishes have been getting awfully specialized lately,  but really?) Still, nothing we saw this week topped the strangeness of our Weirdest Search Term of the Week, the schizophrenic search for info on “icy hot sexy women long but lacks a little boots testing lesbian videos the devil by my place.” Nicely done; we’re speechless.

Here’s the rundown of the insanely long reader-suggested review queue: La Grande Bouffe (next week); Hedwig and the Angry Inch; Even Dwarves Started Small;  “My Wrongs 8245-8249 and 117″; Freaked;  Schizopolis; Strings; Dellamorte Dellamore [AKA Cemetery Man]; The Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

A look at what’s weird in theaters, on hot-off-the-presses DVDs, and on more distant horizons…

Trailers of new release movies are generally available on the official site links.

IN THEATERS (LIMITED RELEASE):

Dorothy and the Witches of Oz: A grown up Dorothy Gale discovers that the tales of the wonderful world of Oz she spins into children’s books don’t come from her imagination, but are repressed memories of a real place, and that the Wicked Witch is now coming to New York City to claim a magical artifact in her possession. This aired as a 150 minute miniseries in the UK, but has been cut to 110 minutes for a US theatrical release. Christopher Lloyd plays the Wizard and reviews were generally negative. For some reason, it’s opening this week in four separate cities in Arizona. Dorothy and the Witches of Oz official site.

IN DEVELOPMENT:

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter (June 2012 release): We reported on this mashup a few weeks ago, but we thought we’d pass along the recently released first trailer. We find ourselves less interested in seeing the movie now, but you can judge for yourselves.

Birdemic II: The Resurrection 3-D (currently shooting): From the official synopsis: “A platoon of eagles and vultures attack Hollywood, California. Why did the eagles and vultures attacked? Who will survive?” We liked the first one, in it’s way (read our review), but can the sequel possibly soar to the same lows? We can at least confirm that stars Alan Bagh and Whitney Moore return for another go-round on James Ngyuen’s “romantic thriller” carousel.  Birdemic II: The Resurrection 3-D official site.

NEW ON DVD:

Modus Operandi (2009): A pair of mysterious briefcases spark a worldwide clandestine killing spree in this grindhouse throwback that promises to end in “an increasingly surreal vision of modern reality, skirting the edge of sanity…” With Danny Trejo, “presented by” Sasha Grey. Buy Modus Operandi.

The Rum Diary (2011): Read our capsule review.  A disappointing adaptation of a minor Hunter S. Thompson work, call it “Mild Concern and Dislike in San Juan.” Buy The Rum Diary.

NEW ON BLU-RAY:

The Rum Diary (2011): See description in DVD above. Buy The Rum Diary [Blu-ray].

FREE (LEGITIMATE RELEASE) MOVIES ON YOUTUBE:

Fear Chamber (1968): Speak of the devil: we just recently reviewed this crazy movie that “stars” Boris Karloff (in one of his final roles) as a mad scientist torturing sexy girls at the behest of an alien rock, playing opposite actors in a different country (Mexico).  Now it shows up on YouTube. Watch Fear Chamber free on YouTube.

What are you looking forward to? If you have any weird movie leads that I have overlooked, feel free to leave them in the COMMENTS section.

Don’t forget to vote in the Weirdcademy Awards poll. It’s been invaded by partisans of some of the more obscure films (partly at our request, it’s true). This is the opposite of the problem we expected, that the movies with better distribution would easily win over the lesser known movies. Father’s Day, Maximum Shame and The Catechism Cataclysm have surged to huge leads over The Tree of Life, Melancholia and Uncle Boonmee. Plus, there’s that whole “stripper with a chainsaw” fiasco to consider…

If you’re tired of all the highfalutin film criticism round these parts (what with two Luis Buñuel reviews last week alone), then the upcoming week should represent a welcome return to the gutter as we cover the reprehensible The Bride of Frank (1996) and the revolting Hobo With a Shotgun (2011).  Then, we’ll class things up with a lesbian vampire flick, Shiver of the Vampires (1970).

We know why you read this column: for the list of weird search terms. And we have some doozies this week. First off, the noticed a new mini-trend in bizarre Google queries: weird birth searches. To wit, the teen pregnancy/fanfiction crossover is reaching new levels of insanity if there are actually “videos of teen titans giving birth to babies” out there somewhere in cyberspace.  Even stranger is the search for “horse gives birth to naked stunner” (although, frankly, it would be weirder if a horse gave birth to a fully clothed stunner).  We liked the following search term because the searcher lost focus and switched to another topic completely in the middle of composing his query: “photography show tv old weird i like the boat clown.” (We suspect this guy would like the boat clown a lot less if he took his medication as scheduled).  And how could we ignore this classic, “women vagina image on lair of spam”? But, in honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ll go with “love story made by pig bbong movie” as our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week.

Here’s the utterly out-of-control reader-suggested review queue: The Bride of Frank (next week!); La Grande Bouffe; Hedwig and the Angry Inch; Even Dwarves Started Small;  “My Wrongs Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

A look at what’s weird in theaters, on hot-off-the-presses DVDs, and on more distant horizons…

Trailers of new release movies are generally available on the official site links.

IN THEATERS (LIMITED RELEASE):

Father’s Day (2011):  Read our capsule review! From Canadian pranksters Astron-6, this is the first Troma release we’ve actually been looking forward to in some time. Opening in NYC with dates to follow throughout the US and Canada (and one in the Czech Republic) through May. If you’re interested in seeing it on the big screen then check the release schedule at Father’s Day official site.

The Turin Horse (2011): There’s little that’s truly strange out there in theaters right now, so we thought we’d take this opportunity to mention the latest (and final?) film from sometime weird director Béla (Werckmeister Harmonies) Tarr.  It concerns the fate of the beaten horse philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche hugged on the day he went insane, and by all accounts the pacing makes Tarkovsky look like Steven Spielberg.  Playing for a week at the Elinor Bunin Munroe Film Center in New York city, then screening across the USA at museums and other specialty venues throughout the spring. The Turin Horse official site.

IN DEVELOPMENT:

Thunder-Sky (2012): Our own Alfred Eaker has completed his latest film: a documentary about Raymond Thunder-Sky, the autistic son of a Mohawk chieftain who dressed up as a clown and went out to paint construction sites in the streets of Cincinnati.  Limited screenings begin in March.  No official site but you can get more info at Eaker Productions Facebook Page.

NEW ON DVD:

Horror Classics: House on Haunted Hill (1959)/Little Shop of Horrors (1960)/Carnival of Souls (1962)/I Bury the Living (1958): It’s a slow week for new releases, so we’ll mention this public domain collection that includes two films of interest: Roger Corman‘s oddball carnivorous plant comedy Little Shop of Horrors (read our review) and the microbudget creepfest Carnival of Souls (read the Certified Weird entry). Buy Horror Classics 4-pack (House on Haunted Hill/Little Shop of Horrors/Carnival of Souls/I Bury the Living).

Yakuza Weapon (2011): A yakuza hit man is blown to bits and then rebuilt with a retractable Gatling gun arm, rifle in the kneecap, etc.  Co-directed by the auteur behind Meatball Machine and from the studio who brought you Alien vs. Ninja; if you’ve been paying attention to the Japanese splatterpunk movement, you know what to expect here. Buy Yakuza Weapon.

NEW ON BLU-RAY:

La Jetée (1962)/Sans Soleil (1983): Chris Marker is one of the most influential filmmakers whose name you’ve never heard.  The influential science fictioner La Jetée was a mindbending tale of time travel (only 28 minutes long and composed mostly of stills with narration, it was remade at feature length by Terry Gilliam as 12 Monkeys).  Sans Soleil is a highly decorated experimental documentary/travelogue that focuses on odd world customs (sort of like an intellectual, less exploitative version of Mondo Cane).  Criterion’s Blu-ray upgrade adds a few minor featurettes not on the DVD release, including a clip from a David Bowie video inspired by La Jetée. Buy La Jetée / Sans Soleil (The Criterion Collection) [Blu-ray].

Yakuza Weapon (2011): See description in DVD above. This is a two disc DVD/Blu-ray combo. Buy Yakuza Weapon [Blu-ray/DVD Combo].

FREE (LEGITIMATE RELEASE) MOVIES ON YOUTUBE:

Alice in Wonderland (1915): If (like us) you’ve became jaded to Wonderlands due to overexposure, here’s a new one: a 1915 silent version with actors (some very short ones) in fuzzy animal suits. This is not quite the earliest Alice adaptation (there was a 1903 short treatment), but it’s close enough.

What are you looking forward to? If you have any weird movie leads that I have overlooked, feel free to leave them in the COMMENTS section.

Don’t forget to vote for the Weirdcademy Awards!  Currently, surprise candidate Andy Lau (Detective Dee) is leading for Weirdest Actor; Leslie Pulsipher is rightfully running away with Weirdest Actress for being menaced by Muppets in The Oregonian; Melancholia‘s montage is barely beating The Oregonian‘s rainbow pee for Weirdest Scene; and The Tree of Life holds a slight edge for Weirdest Movie.  You can also watch all the candidates and vote for Weirdest Short Film of 2011; currently Harmony Korine‘s Snowballs leads, but it’s still anybody’s ballgame.

Next week we’ll dip into the reader-suggested review queue with a guest review of Ken Russell‘s shock-rock opera Tommy (1975); we’ll cover the Asian antiwar amputee sex flick Caterpillar (2010); and we’ll bring you a double-shot of Buñuel with the recently Criterionized Belle de Jour (1967) (Catherine Deneuve is a housewife with masochistic fantasies) and Simon of the Desert (1965) (about a saint who lives on a pillar).

We know why you’re reading this column.  It’s weird search terms you want, and it’s weird search terms you shall have.  We start off in porn corner, always a fertile source of deranged Google queries, with the search for “men licking awful porn.”  Speaking of awful porn, the following kink has to qualify as the least erotic fetish in all of sexuality: “sudicidal horse porn movie.”  We wonder if the first searcher would be satisfied seeing a picture of a man licking a DVD copy of the second movie.  Moving on to slightly less pornographic searches, we have to admit to being amused to see a quest to find that truly obscure film, “they saved hitler’s vagina.”  But this is a family website, and we can’t award our Weirdest Search Term of the Week to such perverted entries, however bizarre they might be.  Therefore, we award our weekly prize to the guy looking for info on “how do i use noir orangutan pills.”   Well played, sir!

Here’s the ridiculously long and ever growing reader-suggested review queue (as always, many more titles after the break): Tommy (next week!); The Bride of Frank; La Grande Bouffe; Hedwig and the Angry Inch; Even Dwarves Started Small;  “My Wrongs 8245-8249 and 117″; Freaked;  Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →