In just a few hours, the telecast of the Oscars (or, as we refer to them, the “Weirdcademy Awards for squares”) will begin. We are happy to steal the Academy’s thunder by announcing cinema’s weirdest winners of 2021 now.

In the category of “Weirdest Short Film,” the winner is the taxidermy mini-musical “Stuffed,” by Theo Rhys

In the category of “Weirdest Scene,” the Weirdcademy Award goes to Annette for the scene in which the title character (a toddler puppet) is hoisted high in the air for a musical performance at the “Hyperbowl.”

In the category of “Weirdest Actress,” the Award goes to Agathe Rousselle for her debut in Titane as a sexy-but-homicidal car dancer with a metal plate in her head who gets pregnant by a car and goes into hiding, pretending to be a fireman’s long lost son.

In the category of “Weirdest Actor,” it’s Nicolas Cage in the post-apocalyptic samurai film Prisoners of the Ghostland, because no other living actor can scream “testi-CLE!” the way he can.

And finally, the award for Weirdest Picture of 2021 goes to… drum roll… Titane,  a baffling story that goes in at least two directions you don’t expect.

Thanks to all voting members of the Weirdcademy, and see you again next year!