ALFRED EAKER’S CRINGE CINEMA

Hello, readers, I’m Alfred Eaker and I have a confession to make.

I am a doo-doo head.

I like to promise my editor that I am going to submit an article, knowing that he is desperate for content, then not come through. This is how I get my jollies.

I enjoying doing this time and time again, swearing that it will be different this week, just to see how many times I can fool the sucker.

You see, my time and my personal projects are more important than everyone else’s. I could care less about inconveniencing others.

If the person I am betraying considers me a friend, all the better. It just makes my job easier.

For I am Alfred Eaker, doo-doo head.

PS: Happy birthday to the late !

49 thoughts on “ALFRED EAKER’S CRINGE CINEMA”

    1. No, not out in the open at all-It’s just Greg throwing a damned tantrum because I actually have a life and don’t have time to cater to his GF. He’s gotten intolerable since he started carrying on with her (and her being his BF’s wife! Nice ethics there, Greg), which is why I’ve been laying low. You would not believe the emails he’s sent me over the last 2 months! This woman’s totally taken over everything with him and the lot of you have no idea. She’s the one who has been pushing for a “restructure” of the entire site. Sorry, I’m not game.

  1. Cute Greg (he wrote this, not me) and I didn’t promise squat. I said I would TRY to squeeze SOMETHING in. I take back my sentimental decade reflection. Let’s face it; you run this site like a would-be demagogue and I’m ousting you-this was just a cutsey, whiny effort to impress that (married) woman that you’ve been carrying on with. I’m not so impressed with her. She does not know squat about movies , her taste is wretched, and you’re so whipped, that you’ll soon be putting “The Sound of Music” on here. Go cry somewhere else. You’ll get no sympathy from me.

    1. Oh, so your keyboard does actually work… And note that I made a satirical post about your “professionalism.” I didn’t drag your personal life into it, though I guarantee I know a few things you wouldn’t want disclosed to the public at large… but keep poking me and I might let loose.

    1. I would respect you more if you did pay for it-once and you’re done. As is, you’re paying for it in far more ways. Does she even allow you to choose the color of your own tie?

  2. Not off topic at all. Do you realize what she’s been pushing him to do in regards to the site? Man up Greg and tell everyone! What are you afraid of? Or are you just going to spring it on everyone at the last second?

  3. Just saying maybe Donald Trump isn’t the only one with a secret pee-pee tape, y’know? 366 Weird Alfred Eaker secrets…

    And you can leave April out of it. Her “marriage” is a joke or believe me, I’d never let you post about it.

    1. Gee Greg, now you’ve totally lost it. Can’t even post under your own name? You have to go anonymous? But your Trump reference is no schock there since April is stuck in the 1950s. Wasn’t she about 40 in the 1950s? Isn’t she a tad botox heavy? Suggestion: Change the site name to the Sound of Mucas.

  4. Ok 366 Readers, want to know what film I “failed” to do a write-up on? “Dumbo.” Our glorious admin asked me to do a write-up on “Dumbo” because April is a Tim Burton fan. That’s the hardest thing of all to forgive .

    1. I may just give you Al’s weekly slot. Been thinking about making the change ever since he went AWOL. And it’s not like Dumbo is some big non-weird movie everybody hates. Eaker’s written a lot about Burton, I thought he was the big fan. Could’ve just told me he didn’t want to write rather than ghosting.

  5. I can confirm the part about the public unrination. And the massage parlors. It’s all public record.

    No one in the family talks to Al anymore since he got into that weird ultra-liberal cult-like denomination. I think it is truly Satanic. That’s where all this sin is coming from. But Alfred, you are always welcome back to the bosom of the True Church if you cast off false idols.

    1. The way this joker’s carrying on, perhaps his new column should be titled “Alfred Eaker’s WHINGE Cinema”.

  6. Yeah, I’ve written so many valentines to Tim-you know that hack whose last good movie was 20 years ago? Undoubtedly though, you can identify with him since you’ve both lost your mojo.

  7. dude, I’m Catholic and still never heard of St. Aldo, but if you’re asking for a lesson in theology, I charge by the syllable. Besides, if I recall, you were the one who threw a hissy because I voted Tim’s “Alice in Wonderland” off the list.

    1. Oh, this doesn’t stop with me just grabbing Alfred’s precious Monday slot…

    1. I can guess. And I’m sick and tired of being pushed around because I’m the “new guy”.

      367weirdmovies.com — it’s a-comin’. And it’ll always be Bigger and Better than this place.

  8. Hey, this is a lesson new boy-never let a succubus into your life or website, as poor Greg has done. I think it’s time for some 366 intervention. Greg, sit down. All of us here are going to talk to you now.

    1. I’ve been pretty cool with letting you go on and on when I have the power to block all your comments, or delete them, or even edit them so you sound like (more of a) fool. So if I were you I’d watch myself if I were you.

      Frankly an apology would be the appropriate response from you, but I doubt you’ve got that much class or self-awareness.

  9. Power? If I were you? Greg, this isn’t 7th grade. Your succubus has you rambling like you’ve been laid for the first time. We’re not going to let you turn this site into a Movies for the Bourgeois club. There, I’ve said it. The secret is out.

    1. Even you, Al, must admit there’d be some quiet charm in that site name.

  10. Lol this is great. I’ve never seen this side of you all. Al if you’re not joking, stop being a bully!

    1. While I prefer to use my soulful Baritone to sing tunes more worthy, there is “someone crying”, Eaker, and you know who it is.

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