WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 13 more movies left to Certify Weird!

Next week Alfred Eaker starts off our coverage with ‘s bafflingly bad duo of Western horrors, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter. Pete Trbovich keeps it out west with the reader-suggested Cannibal! The Musical, until Giles Edwards whisks us to 18th century France to investigate rumors of werewolves in Brotherhood of the Wolf (also reader-suggested). Then, it’s off to Japan with G. Smalley for a look at ‘s brilliantly bizarre dream hijack of a popular anime comedy: Urusei Yatsura 2: Beautiful Dreamer.

Weird search terms are back! For whatever reason (perhaps you guys figured out how to turn off your privacy filters, as we requested) we are now able to see between five and ten percent of all searches (rather than the one percent we were seeing a couple of weeks ago). Although this only gives us a hundred or so search strings to examine—meaning that there’s still quite a lot of weird searches out there hidden from our eyes—we at least have enough material to highlight some for your amusement. For example, there’s “i remember two kids finding a necklace and they end up at a castle with really big furniture! they find a creature and it rides in the backpack,” which sounds like a cool experience—someone should make a movie out of it. Then there’s the startling “movie milk cat to stay alive” (we hope it never comes to that). Our official Weirdest (and Yuckiest) Search Term of the Week, however, is “movie scene where a knight has sex with a dead woman hanging on a door.” We suspect that’s a real movie—maybe it’s from the necrophilia porn parody of the Seventh Seal?

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Cannibal! the Musical (next week!); Brotherhood of the Wolf (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Buddy Boy (1999); Bliss (1985); La cicatrice intérieure; Chronopolis; MetropiaBattle in HeavenBuffet Froid; Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam [AKA Turkish Star Wars]; The Signal; Decasia (2002); Killdozer; Electric Dragon 80,000 V; Strange Circus; Mad Detective; Revolver; Litan (1982) (depending on availability); La Razon de Mi Vida (pending English language DVD release); The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea; Bernie (1996) (depending on availability); Things (1989); Hair Extensions; Haggard; Svidd neger (depending on availability); RoboGeisha; Executive Koala; Coonskin; Time Masters; Crash (1996); La Cravate; Spirits of the Air, Gremlins of the Clouds (depending on availability); Alphaville; Savages; Big River Man; Little Deaths; L’Ange; La Teta y La Luna; Finisterrae; Vase de Noces; Lucky; Ichi the Killer; La antena; Mystics in Bali; Feherlofia; Versus; Birth of the Overfiend; A Dog Called Pain; Memento Mori; That Deadwood Feeling; Happiness; Porcile [AKA Pigpen]; Hotel (2004); Hardgore; The Last Movie; I Married a Strange Person; Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale; “The Canadian Films of Paul Driessen”; And The Ship Sails On; Mondo Trasho; Space Thang; Drunken Wu Tang [AKA Taoism Drunkard]; Insidious (2010); The Earl Sessions (2011); They Came Back; Prometheus’ Garden, “Harpya”; Bruce Lee vs. Gay Power; Dumplings; Return to Oz; “Star Maidens”; “The Mighty Boosh”; The Element of Crime; Lo; Roller Blade; Dante’s Inferno; Calamari Wrestler; Death Powder (1986); Big Man Japan (official review); Angel in the Flesh: The Confidential Report on Mr. Dennis Duggan aka The King of Super 8 (if it’s released; the director says it might be); Static; “The Big Shave”; Marebito; The Appointment (1981); The Cement Garden; Visions of Suffering; Singapore Sling (re-review); Uzumaki [AKA Spiral] (official re review); Hanger (2009); “Analog”; Daymaker; Monobloc (2005); Big Time; “Slow Bob in the Lower Dimensions”; Vakvagany; Momo (1986); Organ; Dance with the Devil; Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster; “Alicia”; Space Is the Place (official review); Killer Nun; The Nine Lives of Thomas Katz; Ascension; Mind Game; Brick; Creatures of Destiny; Goodbye 20th Century; Boxing Helena; Chappaqua; The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai; Man Facing Southeast; City of Pirates; Pink Narcissus; Teknolust; Dark Side of the Heart; Period Piece; “One Soldier”; Thriller: A Cruel Picture; The Million Dollar Hotel; Diamond Flash; Green Snake; The 10th Victim; Anatomy of Hell; Christ the Movie; Pola X; Phase IV; Welcome to the Dollhouse; Berberian Sound Studio; L’Inferno (1911); Heartbeeps; Bibliotheque Pascal; Marutirtha Hinglaj; A Pure Formality; The Mysterians; Rock n’ Roll High School; Johnny Aquarius; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Citizen Dog; Criminal Lovers; The Cat in the Hat; The Sea That Thinks; In Search of the Titanic; Creating Rem Lezar; I Think We’re Alone Now; Edward II (Jarman); Wild Tigers I Have Known; I Never Left the White Room; Faust: Love of the Damned; King Lear (1987); Alien Alibi; La Cabina; Kung Pow: Way of the Fist; Four Rooms; The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari; “Afraid So,”; Bhoner: The MovieThe Passion of Darkly Noon; Riki-Oh: The Story of RikiSomething WeirdGorod Zero; Snow White and Russian RedSphereTout Va Bien; Flaming CreaturesA Woman’s Face (1941); 8 1/2 Women; Nick the Feature Film; Only God Forgives; Nitwit; Homebodies; Celestial Wives Of Meadow MariFiend Without a Face; Fear XWe Are the Strange; Confessions; Monday (depending on availability); Vigasiosexploitation (Vol. 1)The SlitTasher Desh; Womb; The SpiritSurviving Life: Theory and Practice; Galaxy of TerrorPríncipe Azul (depending on availability); Samgeori Geukjang (AKA Midnight Ballad for Ghost Theater); Andy Warhol’s Dracula [AKA Blood for Dracula]; Death PowderAs Filhas do FogoThe Killing RoomFiend (1980); Strangers in Paradise (1984); Vinyan; Suddenly Last SummerThe TwonkyEmperor Tomato Ketchup; FrontierWhere the Dead Go to DieKárate a muerte en Torremolinos (depending on availability); DetentionThe Fifth Season; Junkie (2012); The End of Evangelion (1997); Gandu; Felini’s Casanova; Overdrawn at the Memory Bank Dead Mountaineer’s Hotel; ExcisionThree… Extremes; Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the SupernaturalA Spell to Ward Off the Darkness; Takeshis’Om Dar-B-DarLive Freaky! Die Freaky!; Mécanix; Lucia (2013); “Wild Palms”; Che strano chiamarsi Federico [How Strange to be Named Frederico] (2013); A Quiet Place in the CountryMarketa Lazarova; House (1986); The Living and the Dead; In the Realm of the SensesShinbone AlleyJourney to the West [Xi you] (2013); Hitler: A Film from Germany; Never Belongs To Me; The Keep, Marebito;Theodore Rex; Slaughterhouse Five; Pastoral Hide and Seek; Without Warning; Grimm Love; Alucarda; ImpolexPost Tenebras LuxTammy and the T-Rex; Le Orme [AKA Footprints on the Moon]; The Manipulator; CasshernThe Magic Toyshop; “The Fool and the Flying Ship”; Memoirs of a SurvivorThe Giant ClawMr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium; The Midnight AfterThe Last Wave; “Mouse Soup”; Encounters at the End of the World; World; Wave TwistersDr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam;That DaySpookies; “God Hates Cartoons”; Perfect Sense; “Hansel and Gretel” (Tim Burton); The Devil’s Chair; “Rabbits”; Little Murders; Allegro (2005); Messiah of Evil; Frankehooker; Throw Away Your Books Rally in the Streets; I’m Not There; Quicksilver Highway; “Hospital Brut”; Neji-Shiki; Dandy Dust; Palindromes (official review); Felix the Cat: The Movie; Freeway (1996); Totò che visse due volte; The Acid House (re-review); Hands of God (2005, d. Alyson Levy); Lakki… The Boy Who Could Fly [AKA Lakki… The Boy Who Grew Wings]; Tomorrow Night; PoultrygeistThe Tracey FragmentsJigoku no Banken: Akai Megane [The Red Spectacles]; Tierra; Operation: Endgame; Kafka; Terror 2000; You Never Can Tell (1951); The Hunger (1983); Endgame (2000); Dreams That Money Can Buy; Hotel (2001); Passages From Finnegans Wake; MazeppaVegas in SpaceThe MagusThe Assignment: The Witches Talisman; White Tiger; Mickey OneToysWise Blood; Ghosts Before BreakfastSilver HeadsCool World; Village of the Damned (1960); The 4th ManThe Plague Dogs;  Electric DreamsWizard of Speed and Time; Motel Hell; Youth Without Youth; Following; Calimari Union; LFO; Helter Skelter (2012); Golem (1980); Sonatine; Gwen le Livre de Sable; The Outskirts (1998); Izo; The End of August at the Hotel Ozone; I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle; Brothers of the Head; Mystery Men; A Writer of Ghost Stories; Next Door [Naboer]; The Loved One; The Mirror; Until the End of the World; Overturn: Awakening of the Warrior; The Mysterious Castle in the Carpathians; Onibaba; Einstein’s Brain; The Beguiled; Fateful Findings; Bad Lieutenant; Magdalena Viraga; Le Météore; Fish Story; Coming Apart; Fatty Drives the Bus; Anna and the Wolves; Midori; Hanzo the Razor: Sword of Justice; Rows (2015); Horror (2002); HysteriaI Married a Strange PersonHentai KamenFuture War; Decoder; The HoleHuman Nature; Andy Warhol’s Bad; The Great McGonagallBone, “Hen, His Wife”; A Journey Into Bliss; Subway (1985); Cheap SmokesGory Gory Hallelujah; The Adolescence of Utena; “Red, White and Zero”; Orlando; Tokyo DecadenceWho Can Kill a ChildShakespeare’s Plan 12 from Outer Space; The TuneThe Virgin PsychicsSiesta; The Thingy: Confessions of a Teenage Placenta; Newsboys: Down Under the Big Top; Onirica: Field of DogsLa Distancia; L’intrus (2004) [The Intruder]; Jacky in the Kingdom of Women; Ex-Drummer (re-review); Earth Minus Zero; Shakes the Clown; SpermicideThe Fabulous Baron Munchausen; The Ring Finger; Sauna (2008); Adam’s Apples; Dark StarThe Infernal Comedy: Confessions of a Serial Killer; Cast a Deadly Spell; “Bobby Yeah,” Cat Sick Blues; The Last of UsDie Fighting; Dead BillyHail the New Puritan; Deathgasm; Kamikaze Girls; The Eternity ManPistol Opera; Deafula;  BoXedVelvet GoldmineTurbo KidThe Cannibals (de Oliveira); Los Parecidos [The Similars]; Darktown StruttersUnderwater LoveTales of Hoffman; Remainder; Deep Dark; Aaaaah!; Devil’s Rain; Jubilee; Welcome Home Brother Charles; Kung Fu from Beyond the Grave; Tough Guys Don’t Dance; Straight to HellLove, Honor and ObeyGeorge Washington; Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?; “Flowers and Bottoms”; Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-YakEGG.; The Complaint of an Empress; Makkhi; The Dog’s Night SongBig Meat EaterEnd of the Road; Prayer of the Rollerboys; Cool Cat Saves the Kids; “Penda’s Fen”; Imprint; Kultur Shock!Melancholie der Engel; The Aimed School; The Mask (1961); Shackled; Hukkle; Beg!; Juliet of the SpiritsThe Lickerish Quartet; Gothic & Lolita Psycho; The Wild World of Batwoman; Carnival Magic; “Am I Normal? A Film About Male Puberty”; “The Flood” (TV, 1987); The Mouse and His Child; Walker; It Couldn’t Happen Here; SporkMr. Blot’s Academy; Track 29; Speed Racer; From Morn to Midnight; Human Animals; U-Turn; Blood for DraculaBlood, Bullets, Buffoons; ¡Vivan las antípodas!; The Woman in the Fifth; Slipstream; Malatesta’s Carnival of Blood; Izo (2004); Essex Spacebin;  Funny BonesThe Vagrant; “Factory Witch”; Dante 01; The Legend of 1900; Blak MamaArtemis 81Dancer in the Dark; Body TroopersJawbreakerRocks in My Pocket; The Golem; Blood-Spattered BrideTrapped in the Closet; Penitentiary III; Aachi & Ssipak; Cosmos; Pig;  Kung Fury; Whatever Happened to Vileness Fats; Roots of EvilCombat Shock; Dream-Quest of Unknown KadathLes garcons sauavges [The Wild Boys]; Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves; The Housemaid (1960); Space JamGyo: Tokyo Fish Attack; Tribulation 99; Shackled; The Last Winter; Entr’acte; Birdy; First on the Moon; The Treasure Planet (Bulgaria, 1982); Bread and Circus; Eating Raoul; Yaji and Kita: The Midnight Pilgrims; Recollections of the Yellow HouseSecret Ceremony; Gymkata; Vertige; Kitchen Stories; Blood Beat; Ma-Ma; Zigeunerweisen; The Color Out of Space (2010); and The Calistra Zipper Story (depending on availability).

OUT OF PRINT/NOT YET ON REGION 1 DVD HOLDING PEN: We’re holding off on reviewing these in case they get an official release down the line: Celine and Julie Go BoatingThe Real McCoy (we’re now of the opinion that this portrait of “Hanoi Rocks” singer Andy McCoy is unlikely to be released in any form); ThemrocHappy EndHabfürdő [Bubble Bath] (Hungarian), Angel’s Egg (reviewed, but still awaiting release), ArrebatoThe Last Days of Planet EarthJack and the Beanstalk (1974, Japan); The Drifting ClassroomUncle Meat1 DayVermilion Souls; The Annunciation (1984); Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya].

6 thoughts on “WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE”

  1. I could be wrong, but the “movie scene where a knight has sex with a dead woman hanging on a door” may be from “The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc” with Milla Jovovich in the lead role (1999.) Read the second Amazon review by Florin to get a feel for the shocking and grisly scene; it pretty much sums up what I would have written. I can appreciate “artistic license” and even grossness within context, but this whole movie really pushed the envelope in showing sexual violation and personal indignities in graphic detail. I’m assuming this ficticious scene (no historical record for it exists) was meant to be viewed as the “inciting incident” that broke Joan mentally and triggered her religious fervor, but it fails as unnecessary sensationalism. If Luc Besson wanted to mock people of faith, he succeeded. If he wanted to shoot a compelling fiction, he should have left Joan’s virtue intact and explored the visionary mystery of The Maid of Orleans.

  2. There’s a chance that “movie milk cat to stay alive” refers to a David Lynch’s “Dune” movie, when a senior Atreides figure is given a lethal poison that requires him to milk a cat daily for the antidote when he’s in the custody of the Harkonnens.

  3. So, if you could go through that entire list and pick one, and only one, film to be one of the final 13 selections, which would it be?

    For me, it’s an easy choice: Onirica: Field of Dogs (selected by another viewer). I rewatched it again last night and it is absolutely stunning. If truly surreal films leave you a bit overcome with indescribable feelings, you owe it to yourself to see this one.

    And what’s your one selection?

    1. I’m not sure to whom you’re speaking, but were I to choose — well, first I’d have to admit I haven’t seen a great deal of the movies in the queue.

      That said, unfortunately “Speed Racer” deserves to make the cut (perhaps “unfortunately” is the wrong word), and I’ve always had a soft spot for “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans”. Werner Herzog + Kinski-Cage = Weird Time Fun Time.

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