Only 21 movies left to Certify Weird!
Next week Alfred Eaker completes his humiliating obligation to review summer blockbusters by allowing The Meg to chew on his tender artistic sensibilities for a while. How often do you get a read a first-hand report from someone who survived a shark movie attack? Then, Pete Trbovich takes on another microbudget underground movie in The God in My Ear, Shane Wilson dives into the reader-suggested review queue and fish out an 80s beauty in the experimental documentary Koyaanisqatsi, while G. Smalley revisits another favorite from the age of Reagan: the New Wave alien orgasm-hunting oddity, Liquid Sky, finally on Blu-ray! We’re all over the map, and we wouldn’t want it any other way.
It’s time once again for our survey of the Weirdest Search Terms that brought visitors to the site (with the usual disclaimer that privacy settings make 95% of all searches invisible to us). First we’ll mention “movie where actor speaks to his arm,” which sounds as dull as it is strange (unless that arm is one great conversationalist). Next up is a query proving that word order matters: “skinemax movie where old man tries to have sex with a girl with a huge erection she runs away.” I’d say the old man dodged a bullet there. Meanwhile, our official Weirdest Search term of the week would probably be offensive if it wasn’t so incoherent: ‘internacials banging at the border area where frida got poundent hard torrent.” That’s it, and remember to disable those privacy settings when you’re searching for weird movies!
Time for our weekly disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (though we will pick out the occasional title, as you’ll see this week), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Koyaanisqatsi (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); The Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Buddy Boy (1999); Bliss (1985); La cicatrice intérieure; Chronopolis; Metropia; Battle in Heaven; Buffet Froid; Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam [AKA Turkish Star Wars]; The Signal; Felidae; Decasia (2002); Killdozer; Electric Dragon 80,000 V; Strange Circus; Mad Detective; Revolver; Litan (1982) (depending on availability); La Razon de Mi Vida (pending English language DVD release); The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea; Bernie (1996) (depending on availability); Things (1989); Hair Extensions; Haggard; Svidd neger (depending on availability); RoboGeisha; Executive Koala; Coonskin; Time Masters; Crash (1996); La Cravate; Spirits of the Air, Gremlins of the Clouds (depending on availability); Alphaville; Savages; Big River Man; Little Deaths; L’Ange; La Teta y La Luna; Finisterrae; Vase de Noces; Lucky; Ichi the Killer; La antena; Mystics in Bali; Feherlofia; Versus; Birth of the Overfiend; A Dog Called Pain; Memento Mori; That Deadwood Feeling; Happiness; Porcile [AKA Pigpen]; Hotel (2004); Hardgore; The Last Movie; I Married a Strange Person; Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale; “The Canadian Films of Paul Driessen”; And The Ship Sails On; Mondo Trasho; Space Thang; Drunken Wu Tang [AKA Taoism Drunkard]; Insidious (2010); The Earl Sessions (2011); Sitcom; They Came Back; Prometheus’ Garden, “Harpya”; Bruce Lee vs. Gay Power; Dumplings; Return to Oz; “Star Maidens”; “The Mighty Boosh”; The Element of Crime; Lo; Roller Blade; Mind Game (2004); Dante’s Inferno; Calamari Wrestler; Death Powder (1986); Big Man Japan (official review); Angel in the Flesh: The Confidential Report on Mr. Dennis Duggan aka The King of Super 8 (if it’s released; the director says it might be); Static; “The Big Shave”; Marebito; The Appointment (1981); The Cement Garden; Visions of Suffering; Singapore Sling (re-review); Uzumaki [AKA Spiral] (official re review); Hanger (2009); “Analog”; Daymaker; Nails; Monobloc (2005); Big Time; “Slow Bob in the Lower Dimensions”; Vakvagany; Momo (1986); Organ; Dance with the Devil; Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster; “Alicia”; Space Is the Place (official review); Killer Nun; The Nine Lives of Thomas Katz; Ascension; Mind Game; Brick; Creatures of Destiny; Goodbye 20th Century; Boxing Helena; Chappaqua; The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai; Man Facing Southeast; City of Pirates; Pink Narcissus; Teknolust; Dark Side of the Heart; Period Piece; “One Soldier”; Thriller: A Cruel Picture; The Million Dollar Hotel; Diamond Flash; Green Snake; The 10th Victim; Anatomy of Hell; Christ the Movie; Pola X; Phase IV; Welcome to the Dollhouse; Berberian Sound Studio; L’Inferno (1911); Heartbeeps; Bibliotheque Pascal; Marutirtha Hinglaj; A Pure Formality; The Mysterians; Rock n’ Roll High School; Johnny Aquarius; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Citizen Dog; Criminal Lovers; The Cat in the Hat; The Sea That Thinks; In Search of the Titanic; Creating Rem Lezar; I Think We’re Alone Now; Edward II (Jarman); Wild Tigers I Have Known; I Never Left the White Room; Faust: Love of the Damned; King Lear (1987); Alien Alibi; La Cabina; Kung Pow: Way of the Fist; Four Rooms; The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari; “Afraid So,”; Bhoner: The Movie; The Passion of Darkly Noon; Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki; Something Weird; Gorod Zero; Snow White and Russian Red; Sphere; Tout Va Bien; Flaming Creatures; A Woman’s Face (1941); 8 1/2 Women; Nick the Feature Film; Only God Forgives; Nitwit; Homebodies; Celestial Wives Of Meadow Mari; Fiend Without a Face; Fear X; We Are the Strange; Confessions; Monday (depending on availability); Vigasiosexploitation (Vol. 1); The Slit; Tasher Desh; Womb; The Spirit; Surviving Life: Theory and Practice; Galaxy of Terror; Príncipe Azul (depending on availability); Samgeori Geukjang (AKA Midnight Ballad for Ghost Theater); Andy Warhol’s Dracula [AKA Blood for Dracula]; Death Powder; As Filhas do Fogo; The Killing Room; Fiend (1980); Strangers in Paradise (1984); Vinyan; Suddenly Last Summer; The Twonky; Emperor Tomato Ketchup; Frontier; Where the Dead Go to Die; Kárate a muerte en Torremolinos (depending on availability); Detention; The Fifth Season; Junkie (2012); The End of Evangelion (1997); Gandu; Felini’s Casanova; Overdrawn at the Memory Bank ; Dead Mountaineer’s Hotel; Excision; Three… Extremes; Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the Supernatural; A Spell to Ward Off the Darkness; Takeshis’; Om Dar-B-Dar; Live Freaky! Die Freaky!; Mécanix; Lucia (2013); “Wild Palms”; Che strano chiamarsi Federico [How Strange to be Named Frederico] (2013); Cannibal! the Musical; A Quiet Place in the Country; Marketa Lazarova; House (1986); The Living and the Dead; In the Realm of the Senses; Shinbone Alley; Journey to the West [Xi you] (2013); Hitler: A Film from Germany; Never Belongs To Me; The Keep, Marebito;Theodore Rex; Slaughterhouse Five; Pastoral Hide and Seek; Without Warning; Grimm Love; Alucarda; Impolex; Post Tenebras Lux; Tammy and the T-Rex; Le Orme [AKA Footprints on the Moon]; The Manipulator; Casshern; The Magic Toyshop; “The Fool and the Flying Ship”; Memoirs of a Survivor; The Giant Claw; Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium; The Midnight After; The Last Wave; “Mouse Soup”; Encounters at the End of the World; World; Wave Twisters; Dr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam;That Day; Spookies; “God Hates Cartoons”; Perfect Sense; “Hansel and Gretel” (Tim Burton); The Devil’s Chair; “Rabbits”; Little Murders; Allegro(2005); Messiah of Evil; Frankehooker; Throw Away Your Books Rally in the Streets; I’m Not There; Quicksilver Highway; “Hospital Brut”; Neji-Shiki; Dandy Dust; Palindromes (official review); Felix the Cat: The Movie; Freeway (1996); Totò che visse due volte; The Acid House (re-review); Hands of God (2005, d. Alyson Levy); Lakki… The Boy Who Could Fly [AKA Lakki… The Boy Who Grew Wings]; Tomorrow Night; Poultrygeist; The Tracey Fragments; Jigoku no Banken: Akai Megane [The Red Spectacles]; Tierra; Operation: Endgame; Kafka; Terror 2000; You Never Can Tell (1951); The Hunger (1983); Endgame (2000); Dreams That Money Can Buy; Hotel (2001); Passages From Finnegans Wake; Mazeppa; Vegas in Space; The Magus; The Assignment: The Witches Talisman; White Tiger; Mickey One; Toys; Wise Blood; Ghosts Before Breakfast; Silver Heads; Cool World; Village of the Damned (1960); The 4th Man; The Plague Dogs; Electric Dreams; Wizard of Speed and Time; Motel Hell; Youth Without Youth; Following; Calimari Union; LFO; Helter Skelter (2012); Golem (1980); Sonatine; Gwen le Livre de Sable; The Outskirts (1998); Izo; The End of August at the Hotel Ozone; I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle; Brothers of the Head; Mystery Men; A Writer of Ghost Stories; Next Door [Naboer]; The Loved One; The Mirror; Until the End of the World; Overturn: Awakening of the Warrior; The Mysterious Castle in the Carpathians; Onibaba; Einstein’s Brain; The Beguiled; Fateful Findings; Bad Lieutenant; Magdalena Viraga; Le Météore; Fish Story; Coming Apart; Fatty Drives the Bus; Anna and the Wolves; Midori; Hanzo the Razor: Sword of Justice; Rows (2015); Horror (2002); Hysteria; I Married a Strange Person; Hentai Kamen; Future War; Decoder; The Hole; Human Nature; Andy Warhol’s Bad; The Great McGonagall; Bone, “Hen, His Wife”; A Journey Into Bliss; Subway (1985); Cheap Smokes; Gory Gory Hallelujah; The Adolescence of Utena; “Red, White and Zero”; Orlando; Tokyo Decadence; Who Can Kill a Child; Shakespeare’s Plan 12 from Outer Space; The Tune; The Virgin Psychics; Siesta; The Thingy: Confessions of a Teenage Placenta; Newsboys: Down Under the Big Top; Onirica: Field of Dogs; La Distancia; L’intrus (2004) [The Intruder]; Jacky in the Kingdom of Women; Ex-Drummer (re-review); Earth Minus Zero; Shakes the Clown; Spermicide; The Fabulous Baron Munchausen; The Ring Finger; Sauna (2008); Adam’s Apples; Fight Club; Dark Star; The Infernal Comedy: Confessions of a Serial Killer; Cast a Deadly Spell; “Bobby Yeah,” Cat Sick Blues; “Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story”; The Last of Us; Die Fighting; Dead Billy; Hail the New Puritan; Deathgasm; Kamikaze Girls; The Eternity Man; Pistol Opera; Deafula; BoXed; Velvet Goldmine; Turbo Kid; The Cannibals (de Oliveira); Los Parecidos [The Similars]; Darktown Strutters; Underwater Love; Tales of Hoffman; Remainder; Deep Dark; Aaaaah!; Devil’s Rain; Jubilee; Welcome Home Brother Charles; Kung Fu from Beyond the Grave; Tough Guys Don’t Dance; Straight to Hell; Love, Honor and Obey; George Washington; Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?; “Flowers and Bottoms”; Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak; EGG.; The Complaint of an Empress; Makkhi; The Dog’s Night Song; Big Meat Eater; End of the Road; Prayer of the Rollerboys; Cool Cat Saves the Kids; “Penda’s Fen”; Imprint; Kultur Shock!; Melancholie der Engel; The Aimed School; The Mask (1961); Shackled; Hukkle; Beg!; Juliet of the Spirits; The Lickerish Quartet; Gothic & Lolita Psycho; The Wild World of Batwoman; Carnival Magic; “Am I Normal? A Film About Male Puberty”; “The Flood” (TV, 1987); The Mouse and His Child; Walker; It Couldn’t Happen Here; Spork; Mr. Blot’s Academy; Track 29; Speed Racer; From Morn to Midnight; Human Animals; U-Turn; Blood for Dracula; Blood, Bullets, Buffoons; ¡Vivan las antípodas!; The Woman in the Fifth; Slipstream; Malatesta’s Carnival of Blood; Izo (2004); Essex Spacebin; Funny Bones; The Vagrant; “Factory Witch”; Dante 01; The Legend of 1900; Blak Mama; Artemis 81; Dancer in the Dark; Brotherhood of the Wolf; Body Troopers; Jawbreaker; Rocks in My Pocket;Samurai Rauni Reposaarelainen; The Golem; Blood-Spattered Bride; Trapped in the Closet; Penitentiary III; Aachi & Ssipak; Cosmos; Pig; Kung Fury; Whatever Happened to Vileness Fats; Roots of Evil; Combat Shock; Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath; Les garcons sauavges [The Wild Boys]; Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves; The Housemaid (1960); Space Jam; Gyo: Tokyo Fish Attack; Tribulation 99; Shackled; “Devilman Crybaby”; The Last Winter; Entr’acte; Birdy; First on the Moon; The Treasure Planet (Bulgaria, 1982); Bread and Circus; Eating Raoul; Yaji and Kita: The Midnight Pilgrims; Recollections of the Yellow House; Secret Ceremony; Gymkata; Vertige; and Kitchen Stories.
OUT OF PRINT/NOT YET ON REGION 1 DVD HOLDING PEN: We’re holding off on reviewing these in case they get an official release down the line: Celine and Julie Go Boating; The Real McCoy (we’re now of the opinion that this portrait of “Hanoi Rocks” singer Andy McCoy is unlikely to be released in any form); Themroc; Happy End; Habfürdő [Bubble Bath] (Hungarian), Angel’s Egg (reviewed, but still awaiting release), Arrebato, The Last Days of Planet Earth; Jack and the Beanstalk (1974, Japan); The Drifting Classroom; Uncle Meat; 1 Day; Vermilion Souls; The Annunciation (1984); Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya].