Next week, we’ll take a bite out of the reader-suggested review queue with the 1969 all-star satire The Magic Christian; gaze at Carlos Atanes‘ latest “pornophilosophical” film, Gallino: The Chicken System; and we’ll retread our review of Quentin Dupieux‘ killer-tire opus, Rubber.
Of course, you’re not here to find out what movies we’ll be reviewing next week; you’re here to read our recap of the weirdest search terms used to locate the site last week. It’s a little featurette we like to call “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week.” And it was a rich week in search terms, starting off with the guy looking for “james cameron’s 3d blockbuster dumb & hung” (we did find a movie called Dumb & Hung, but not surprisingly it was not a 3D blockbuster directed by James Cameron). “Dwarf killer ballerina pig swan dog horror movie” sounds like someone got Don’t Look Now, Black Swan and two or three other movies all mixed up in their mind, but if all those elements really show up in a single movie, we want to see it. Our next search—“lesbian snuff movies”—isn’t so bizarre, by our elevated standards, but what impressed us was the searcher’s persistence. Apparently unimpressed by his results, he went back to Google a few days later clarifying that what he really wanted to see were “sensual lesbian snuff movies.” If you’re going to make snuff movies, for goodness sake, remember the ladies like a little bit of foreplay first to put them in the mood! Finally, even though we suspect this is probably a real thing, we still have to vote “gay bath houses in winnipeg diaper night” our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week. Why do we think Guy Maddin has something to do with that event?
Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue looks: The Magic Christian (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review); The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; Allegro Non Troppo; Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus; Celine and Julie Go Boating; “Franz Kafka’s It’s a Wonderful Life;” Black Cat, White Cat; The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T; Abnormal: The Sinema of Nick Zedd; Robot Monster; Nightdreams; 3 Women; “To Oblivion”; Rubin & Ed; Teeth; Vera; Garden State; The Real McCoy; Rat Pfink a Boo Boo; Themroc; Candy (1968); Run Lola Run; Pink Flamingos; Buffalo ’66; Northfork; The Room; Glen or Glenda?; Night of the Hunter; The Fox Family; Midnight Skater; Angelus; Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs; Twister (1989); Yokai Monsters, Vol. 1: Spook Warfare [AKA Big Monster War]; Britannia Hospital; This Filthy Earth; Conspirators of Pleasure; Piano Tuner of Earthquakes; Clean, Shaven; Bubba Ho-Tep; Innocence; Léolo; 2001: A Space Odyssey; Blue Velvet; ID (2005); Master of the Flying Guillotine; Yesterday Was a Lie; The Ninth Configuration; Love Me If You Dare; The Cell; My Dinner with Andre; The Illustrated Man; Fando y Lis; Rampo Noir; Head; Christmas on Mars; “Broken Glass”; Videodrome; Air Doll; The Ossuary and Other Tales; Arrebato; Symbol; Wicked City (1992 live action); Picnic at Hanging Rock; The Cars that Ate Paris; The Boxer’s Omen [aka Mo]; Portrait of Jennie; Salo, the 120 Days of Sodom; The Last Sunset (1961); Orpheus (1950); A Scanner Darkly; Safe; The Atrocity Exhibition; Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell; Color of Pomegranates; Noroi; Cutie Honey; The Shape of Things; On the Silver Globe; Monty Python and the Holy Grail; 2012 Aficionado DVD Zine Issue #0; The Last Days of Planet Earth; “Charleston Parade”; Tales from the Quadead Zone; A Snake of June; The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover; The Neverending Story; Cat Soup; Jack and the Beanstalk (1974, Japan); Drowning by Numbers; Fudge 44; From Beyond; The Saragossa Manuscript; The Drifting Classroom; Brain Dead; Uncle Meat; Meet the Hollowheads; Nuit Noire; Screamplay; Grendel Grendel Grendel; Eyes Wide Shut; Twilight of the Cockroaches; The Ruling Class; Indecent Desires; Daughter of Horror [AKA Dementia]; The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie; Daisies; Beauty and the Beast [Panna a Netvor] (1978); Parents; Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; 1 Day; The Doom Generation; Black Devil Doll; Multiple Maniacs; Phantasm IV; and Vermilion Souls (2007) (depending on availability); Lovers on the Bridge; No Smoking (2007); Reflections of Evil; The War Zone; Gahjini; Natural Born Killers; The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb; One Eyed Monster; Reflections of Evil; Natural Born Killers; The Fountain; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); Wool 100%; Murder Party; The Annunciation (1984); Funeral Parade of Roses; Stroszek; Bad Taste; Aguirre, the Wrath of God; Audition; The Fall; Me and You and Everyone We Know; Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; “Serial Experiments: Lain” (TV show); Darc Arc; Russian Ark; Genius Party; Watership Down; Tampopo; Goodbye Uncle Tom; The Idiots; Der Todersking [The Death King]; Titicut Follies; Mr. Nobody; The Shout; “Premium” (depending on availability); Sleepaway Camp; The Pit (1981); Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams; The Falls; Spermula; Killer Condom; The Godmonster of Indian Flats; Perfect Blue; I Am Here Now; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; The Bothersome Man; Moebius; Skeletons; Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song; The Brave Little Toaster; The Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Meet the Feebles; The Adventures of Mark Twain; Tourist Trap (1979); Thundercrack!; SLC Punk; Anguish (1987); Buddy Boy (1999); Bliss (1986); La cicatrice intérieure; Avida (2006); Brain Damage; Amazon Women on the Moon; Chronopolis; Blue (1993); Metropia; Zachariah; Labyrinth; Battle in Heaven; The Taste of Tea; Evil Ed; I Will Walk Like a Crazy Horse; Cafe Flesh; Buffet Froid; Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam [AKA Turkish Star Wars]; The Signal; “Alma” (short); The Double Life of Veronique; “Chick”, Felidae; Spirited Away; Decasia (2002); Killdozer; I (heart) Huckabees; Electric Dragon 80,000 V; Santa Claus (1959); Strange Circus; Mad Detective; Wild at Heart; Revolver; The Tenant; A Zed and Two Noughts; Litan (1982) (depending on availability); Dark Waters; La Razon de Mi Vida (pending English language DVD release); The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea; Bernie (1996) ( depending on availability); The Ruling Class; Tank Girl; Things (1989); Hair Extensions; Haggard; Svidd neger (depending on availability); RoboGeisha; Schramm; Executive Koala; Coonskin; Time Masters; Hard Candy; Waiting for Godot (2001); Crash (1996); La Dolce Vita; La Cravate; Spirits of the Air, Gremlins of the Clouds (depending on availability); Last Year in Marienbad; Alphaville; Savages; Big River Man; Heart of Glass; Little Deaths; Akira; L’Ange; La Teta y La Luna; Finisterrae; L’Âge d’or; Breakfast of Champions; Heavenly Creatures; Vase de Noces; Lucky; Ichi the Killer; La antena; Mystics in Bali; Feherlofia; Versus; Birth of the Overfiend; A Dog Called Pain; Memento Mori; That Deadwood Feeling; Happiness; Let the Right One In; Porcile [AKA Pigpen]; Underground; Caligula; Hotel (2004); Hardgore; Survive Style 5+; Fantasia; Philosophy of a Knife; The Last Movie; Lord Love a Duck; Amarcord; The Swimmer (official re-review); I Married a Strange Person; Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale; The Canadian Films of Paul Driessen; And The Ship Sails On; Mondo Trasho; Marat/Sade; Darjeeling Limited; Space Thang; Drunken Wu Tang; Insidious (2010); The Earl Sessions (2011); Sitcom; They Came Back, Prometheus’ Garden, “Harpya”; Bruce Lee vs. Gay Power; Dumplings; Return to Oz; “Star Maidens”; “The Mighty Boosh”; The Element of Crime; Lo; Roller Blade; “The Act of Seeing With One’s Own Eyes”; Mind Game (2004); Down and Dirty Duck; Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure; Dante’s Inferno; Bad Timing (AKA Bad Timing: A Sensual Obsession); Troll 2; Calamari Wrestler; Death Powder (1986); Big Man Japan (official review); Angel in the Flesh: The Confidential Report on Mr. Dennis Duggan aka The King of Super 8 (if it’s released; the director says it might be); Static; “The Big Shave”; Incubus; W.R.-Mysteries of the Organism; Marebito; The Appointment (1981); “The Big Shave,” Pierrot Le Fou; The Cement Garden; Visions of Suffering; Singapore Sling (re-review); Koyaanisqatsi; In the Mouth of Madness; Uzumaki [AKA Spiral] (official re-review); All That Jazz; Hanger (2009); “Analog”; Daymaker; Nails; Monobloc (2005); Big Time; “Slow Bob in the Lower Dimensions”; Vakvagany; Momo (1986); Organ; Dance with the Devil; Frankestein Meets the Space Monster; “Alicia”; Space Is the Place (official review); Killer Nun; The Beyond; The Nine Lives of Thomas Katz; Ascension; Mind Last Life in the Universe; Street Trash; Brick; Rubber (official re-review); Wax, or The Discovery of Television Among the Bees; Bliss (1985); Creatures of Destiny; Strange Circus; Goodbye 20th Century; Conspirators of Pleasure; Boxing Helena; Chappaqua; The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai; Man Facing Southeast; Night Across the Street; City of Pirates; Pink Narcissus; 11:14; Teknolust; Dark Side of the Heart; Period Piece; “One Soldier”; Thriller: A Cruel Picture; Phantom of the Paradise; The Million Dollar Hotel; Killer Joe, Peeping Tom; Diamond Flash; Green Snake; The 10th Victim, City of Women, Anatomy of Hell, Christ the Movie, Pola X, Phase IV; Welcome to the Dollhouse; No Smoking; “Next Floor”; Berberian Sound Studio; L’Inferno (1911); Heartbeeps; Bibliotheque Pascal; Marutirtha Hinglaj; A Pure Formality; The Mysterians; Rock n’ Roll High School; Possession (re-review); Johnny Aquarius; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; If…; Citizen Dog; Of Freaks and Men; “The Brothers Quay Collection”; Criminal Lovers; The Cat in the Hat; The Sea That Thinks; Angst; In Search of the Titanic; Creating Rem Lezar; I Think We’re Alone Now; Hugo the Hippo; Edward II (Jarman); Wild Tigers I Have Known; I Never Left the White Room; Faust: Love of the Damned; King Lear (1987); Daughter of Horror; Alien Alibi; The Pornographers; Paperhouse; La Cabina; Kung Pow: Way of the Fist; Four Rooms; Point Blank (1967); The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari; The Shining; “Afraid So,” Bhoner: The Movie; Mood Indigo; The Passion of Darkly Noon; Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki; Something Weird; Gorod Zero; Death by Hanging; Snow White and Russian Red; Sphere; Tout Va Bien; and Flaming Creatures, The Singing Ringing Tree, A Woman’s Face (1941), 8 1/2 Women; Cube; Spirits of the Dead; Nick the Feature Film; In a Glass Cage; Only God Forgives; Nitwit; Homebodies; Celestial Wives Of Meadow Mari; Fiend Without a Face; and Vanishing Waves.