WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Don’t forget to vote for the 2012 Weidcademy Awards, and for the Weirdest Short Film of 2012! Currently, “Solipsist” is running away with the Weirdest Short competition, Holy Motors leads for Weirdest Picture and Weirdest Actor (Denis Lavant), Quvenzhané Wallis is out-cuting the Weirdest Actress field, and there is an extremely tight three-way race for Weirdest Scene of 2012 between Holy Motors‘ accordion intermission, Beasts of the Southern Wild‘s oil rig brothel visit, and the Shrimverstisement from Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie. Polls stay open until Feb. 24 so there’s still plenty of time to influence the results!

We promised we would be digging into the long-neglected reader-suggested review queue when January rolled around, and we’re finally making good on that promise this week with a trio of reviews, as we delve into the insanity of The Hour-glass Sanatorium, take a last look at ‘s culty sci-fi effort The Final Programme [AKA The Last Days of Man on Earth], and decide whether to prove or disprove Pier Paolo Pasolini’s existential Teorema. Meanwhile, Alfred finishes up his coverage (for now) with a piece on the Tramp’s early feature, The Kid (1921).

Every week as we search our server logs looking for our Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we notice We see a large number of movie searches from people who are too shy to post a “what was that weird movie?” query onsite: people looking for things like “movie witch makes porn bakery,” “old french naughty vegetables movies,” and “documentary geriatric incestuous hillbillies.” While we don’t have any titles for any of those (rightful) obscure films, we do have a suggestion for the person who asked “whats the movies name where a girl has a penis for a face” (our guess: “Nonexistent Movie”). But our Weirdest Search Term of the Week winner wasn’t movie related at all; we chose the mysterious “1 old man person bath and thinking something.” I’ll be retiring to the bathtub to soak and think about what that bizarre query could possibly refer to.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: The Hour-glass Sanatorium [Saanatorium pod klepsidra] (next week!); Final Programme (next week!); Teorema (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society;“Foutaises”; Bloodsucking Freaks; Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (official review); Dogville; Julien Donkey-boy; Amelie; The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Cheap and Out of Control; Tokyo Gore Police; At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul; The Trial [Le procès] (1962); MarquisHell Comes to Frogtown; Seom [The Isle]; Allegro Non Troppo; Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus; Lust in the Dust; Celine and Julie Go Boating; “Franz Kafka’s It’s a Wonderful Life;” The Magic Christian; Black Cat, White Cat; The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T; Abnormal: The Sinema of Nick Zedd; Robot Monster; Nightdreams; 3 Women; “To Oblivion”; Rubin & Ed; Teeth; Vera; Weirdsville; Prospero’s Books; Inferno; Garden State; Persona; The Real McCoy; Rat Pfink a Boo Boo; Themroc; Candy (1968); Run Lola Run; Pink Flamingos; Buffalo ’66NorthforkThe Room; Glen or Glenda?; Night of the Hunter; The Fox FamilyMidnight Skater; Angelus; Cloudy with a Chance of  Meatballs; Twister (1989); Yokai Monsters, Vol. 1: Spook Warfare [AKA Big Monster War]; Britannia Hospital; This Filthy Earth; Conspirators of Pleasure; Piano Tuner of Earthquakes; Clean, Shaven; Bubba Ho-Tep; Sheitan; Innocence; “Chingsao the Clown”; Léolo; 2001: A Space Odyssey; Blue Velvet; ID (2005); Master of the Flying Guillotine; Yesterday Was a Lie; The Ninth Configuration; Love Me If You DareForbidden Zone; The Cell; My Dinner with Andre; The Illustrated Man; Fando y Lis; Rampo Noir; Head; Christmas on Mars; “Broken Glass”; Videodrome; Air Doll; The Ossuary and Other Tales; Arrebato; Symbol; Wicked City (1992  live action); Picnic at Hanging Rock; The Cars that Ate Paris; The Boxer’s Omen [aka Mo];  Portrait of Jennie; Salo, the 120 Days of  Sodom; The Last Sunset (1961); Orpheus (1950); A Scanner Darkly; Safe; The Atrocity Exhibition; Slacker; Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell; Color of Pomegranates; Horror Express; Noroi; Cutie Honey; The Shape of Things; On the Silver Globe; Monty Python and the Holy Grail; 2012 Aficionado DVD Zine Issue #0; The Last Days of Planet Earth;  “Charleston Parade”; Tales from the Quadead Zone; A Snake of  June; The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover; The Neverending Story; Cat Soup; Jack and the Beanstalk (1974, Japan); Drowning by Numbers; Fudge 44; From Beyond; The Saragossa Manuscript; The Drifting Classroom; Brain Dead; Uncle Meat; Meet the Hollowheads; Nuit Noire; Screamplay; Grendel Grendel GrendelEyes Wide Shut; Twilight of the Cockroaches; The Ruling Class; Indecent Desires; Daughter of Horror [AKA Dementia];  The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie; Daisies; Beauty and the Beast [Panna a Netvor] (1978); Parents; Dark City; Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; 1 Day; The Doom Generation; Black Devil DollMultiple Maniacs; Phantasm IV; and Vermilion Souls (2007) (depending on availability); Lovers on the Bridge; No Smoking (2007); Reflections of Evil; The War Zone; Gahjini; Natural Born Killers; The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb; One Eyed Monster; Reflections of Evil; Natural Born Killers; The Fountain; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); Wool 100%; Murder Party; The Annunciation (1984); Funeral Parade of Roses; Stroszek; Bad Taste; Aguirre, the Wrath of God; Audition; The Fall; Me and You and Everyone We Know; Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; “Serial Experiments: Lain” (TV show); Darc Arc; Russian Ark; Genius Party; Watership Down; Tampopo; Goodbye Uncle Tom; The Idiots; Repo Man; Der Todersking [The Death King]; Titicut Follies; Mr. Nobody; The Shout; “Premium” (depending on availability); Sleepaway Camp; The Pit (1981); Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams; The Falls; Spermula; Killer Condom; The Godmonster of Indian Flats; Perfect Blue; I Am Here Now; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; The Bothersome Man; Moebius; Skeletons; Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song; The Brave Little Toaster; The Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Meet the Feebles; The Adventures of Mark Twain; Tourist Trap (1979); Thundercrack!; SLC Punk; Anguish (1987); Buddy Boy (1999); Bliss (1986); La cicatrice intérieure; Avida (2006); Brain Damage; Amazon Women on the Moon; Chronopolis; Blue (1993); Metropia; Zachariah; Labyrinth; Battle in Heaven; The Taste of Tea; Evil Ed; I Will Walk Like a Crazy Horse; Cafe Flesh; Buffet Froid; Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam [AKA Turkish Star Wars]; The Signal; “Alma” (short); The Double Life of Veronique;  “Chick”, Felidae; Spirited Away; Decasia (2002); Killdozer; I (heart) HuckabeesElectric Dragon 80,000 VSanta Claus (1959); Strange Circus; Mad Detective; Wild at Heart; Revolver; The Tenant; A Zed and Two Noughts; Litan (1982) (depending on availability); Dark Waters; La Razon de Mi Vida (pending English language DVD release); The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea; Bernie (1996) ( depending on availability); The Ruling Class; Tank Girl; Things (1989); Hair Extensions; Haggard; Svidd neger (depending on availability); RoboGeisha; Schramm; Executive KoalaCoonskin; Time Masters; Hard Candy; Waiting for Godot (2001); Crash (1996); La Dolce Vita; La Cravate; Spirits of the Air, Gremlins of the Clouds (depending on availability); Last Year in Marienbad; Alphaville; Savages; Big River Man; This Must Be the Place; Heart of Glass; Little Deaths; Akira; L’Ange; La Teta y La Luna; Finisterrae; L’Âge d’or; Breakfast of Champions; Heavenly Creatures; Vase de Noces; Lucky; Ichi the Killer; La antena; Mystics in Bali; Feherlofia; Versus; Birth of the Overfiend; A Dog Called Pain; Memento Mori; That Deadwood Feeling; Happiness; Let the Right One In; Porcile [AKA Pigpen]; Underground; Caligula; Hotel (2004); Hardgore; Survive Style 5+; Fantasia; Philosophy of a Knife; The Last Movie; Lord Love a Duck; Amarcord; The Swimmer (official re-review); I Married a Strange Person; Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale; The Canadian Films of Paul Driessen; And The Ship Sails On; Mondo Trasho; Marat/Sade; Darjeeling Limited; Casino Royale; The Phantom of Liberty; Space ThangDrunken Wu Tang; Insidious (2010); The Earl Sessions (2011); Sitcom; They Came Back, Prometheus’ Garden, “Harpya”; Bruce Lee vs. Gay Power; DumplingsReturn to Oz; “Star Maidens”; “The Mighty Boosh”; The Element of Crime; Lo; Roller Blade; “The Act of Seeing With One’s Own Eyes”; Mind Game (2004); Down and Dirty Duck; Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure; The Tin Drum; Dante’s Inferno; Bad Timing (AKA Bad Timing: A Sensual Obsession); Troll 2; Calamari Wrestler; Death Powder (1986); Big Man Japan (official review); Angel in the Flesh: The Confidential Report on Mr. Dennis Duggan aka The King of Super 8 (if it’s released; the director says it might be); Static; “The Big Shave”; Incubus; W.R.-Mysteries of the Organism; Marebito; The Appointment (1981); “The Big Shave,” Pierrot Le Fou; and The Cement Garden; Visions of Suffering; Singapore Sling (re-review); Koyaanisqatsi; In the Mouth of Madness; Uzumaki [AKA Spiral] (official re-review); The Exterminating Angel; All That Jazz; Hanger (2009); “Analog”; Daymaker; Nails; Monobloc (2005); Big Time; “Slow Bob in the Lower Dimensions”; Vakvagany; Momo (1986); Organ; Dance with the Devil; Frankestein Meets the Space Monster; “Alicia”; Space Is the Place (official review); Killer Nun; The Beyond; The Nine Lives of Thomas Katz; Ascension; Mind Last Life in the Universe; Street Trash; Brick; Rubber (official re-review); Wax, or The Discovery of Television Among the Bees; Bliss (1985); Creatures of Destiny; Strange Circus; Goodbye 20th Century; Conspirators of Pleasure; Boxing Helena; Chappaqua; The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai; Man Facing Southeast; Night Across the Street; City of Pirates; Pink Narcissus; 11:14; Teknolust; Dark Side of the Heart; Period Piece; “One Soldier”; Thriller: A Cruel Picture; Phantom of the Paradise; The Million Dollar Hotel; Killer Joe, Peeping Tom; Diamond Flash; Green Snake; The 10th Victim, City of Women, Anatomy of Hell, Christ the Movie, Pola X, Phase IV; Welcome to the Dollhouse; No Smoking; “Next Floor”; Berberian Sound Studio; L’Inferno (1911); Heartbeeps; and Bibliotheque Pascal.

3 thoughts on “WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE”

  1. I haven’t seen this film, so I can only say that if it faithfully captures the atmosphere of Bruno Schulz’s work – which is much more about atmosphere than narrative – it’s probably excellent, and I have it on my rental list. And I think I’m glad that Terry Gilliam didn’t make it – his brand of visual imagination is a bit too obvious for a work like this.

    I’d also like to add that, if you want some background to the film, all Bruno Schulz’s published fiction, of which there isn’t a great deal, thanks to his murder at a tragically young age by those dear old Nazis, can be read online (I presume legally) at this website:

    http://www.schulzian.net/

  2. I actually think I know the movie you mentioned: “whats the movies name where a girl has a penis for a face”.

    It’s “Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo.”

    And insanely, there’s actually a reason the woman (named Svetlana) has a penis on her face: she was born near Chernobyl, because apparently that’s how that works. And, yes, the penis does ejaculate. Unfortunately, the resulting film is not so much weird as stupid. I can’t even see it making a capsule review.

  3. “Documentary geriatric incestuous hillbillies” — wouldn’t that be Brother’s Keeper? Just a guess…

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