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It Came from the Reader-Suggested Queue, List Candidates

APOCRYPHA CANDIDATE: FRANKENHOOKER (1990)

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DIRECTED BY: Frank Henenlotter

FEATURING: , Patty Mullen, Joseph Gonzalez, Shirley Stoler,

PLOT: When sweet Elizabeth dies in a terrible lawnmower accident, her grieving fiancé—power plant technician and amateur scientist Jeffrey Franken—sets out to restore her to life by assembling a new body made from the parts of prostitutes he kills with a new explosive strain of crack cocaine. 

WHY IT MIGHT MAKE THE APOCRYPHA: If ever there were a film that could make our list just by wishing for it really hard, Frankenhooker is that film. Starting with the decent-enough premise to set Mary Shelley’s classic tale in the waning days of Times Square grunginess, it piles on characters who soar well past cartoonishness, ladles on strange behaviors and absurd reactions, and tops it off with enough coarse sexuality and Guignol-lite gore to make the whole confection gleefully repellent. It knows what it is, and it revels in it.

Still from Frankenhooker (1990)

COMMENTS: Frankenhooker makes me regret that we’ve never created a tag called “On-the-nose Titles.” We’ve talked before about movies where the title does the heavy lifting, and this is one such film. A Frankenstein’s monster made from hookers. Why even bother with a synopsis?

If you were to subject Frankenhooker’s screenplay to intense analysis, you’d find very little at its core. It’s not a one-joke movie, but probably no more than five: the Frankenstein myth set in New Jersey, the mad doctor is an overachieving electrician, his creation is built out of random hooker parts, the Bride is a murderous sex-starved brute, and New York City prostitutes react to crack like desperate parents at a Walmart on Black Friday. Fortunately, those jokes are merely the foundation for what Frankenhooker is really about: silly stereotypes and outrageous gore.  These are things that Frank Henenlotter knows how to deliver, and he doesn’t hold back.

The film has to overcome a significant demerit in the form of our hero himself. Lorinz is a black hole: even when he’s drilling a hole in his own head for a little light trepanning, he has the bland, conventional good looks of Andrew McCarthy and the placid demeanor of a low-energy standup comic. (His voice suggests teaching a yoga class.) He teases a bolder character than we get, which is surprising considering he’s a mad scientist from New Jersey. His refusal to go as over-the-top as the plot that surrounds him may be the strangest thing about Frankenhooker.

Former Penthouse Pet Mullen has a better handle on the material as the unfortunate Elizabeth. Following a brief pre-accident scene in which she dials up the tropes of the bland-but-adoring fiancée, she gets to go full monster, staggering about town with her jaw awkwardly jutting to the side and demanding “Want a date?” in a shrill Jersey accent. (I tried for ages to figure out who Mullen’s demented lady of the night reminded me of until I realized it was Rapunzel from this magnificent “Sesame Street” sketch.) If anything, she inspires the rest of the ensemble to go hard, from the gum-smacking ruffian ladies of the night to thinks-with-his-fists pimp Zorro to recognizable “That Guy” David Lipman’s cameo as Monster-Elizabeth’s overenthusiastic john. In a cast where everyone but the lead is playing to the cheap seats, Mullen is a stand-out.

Not every scene is this extreme, and in fact Henenlotter almost seems to be making a bid to become the genteel Lloyd Kaufman. Long scenes of Lorinz monologuing his plans drag things out, and often the movie opts to run headlong into insanity instead of giving it a minute or two to build. However, Frankenhooker absolutely nails the landing with two separate showcases of wildly inventive craziness in the final 15 minutes: first with a grotesque revenge on behalf of the murdered hookers who have inadvertently been reassembled into hilariously awful human meatballs, and then the ultimate comeuppance for the mad doctor as a repaired Elizabeth saves the day in a most amusing manner. As much as Frankenhooker is out to deliver exactly the eyes-covered, laughing-in-shock amusement you’re expecting, the movie genuinely surpasses itself in the finale. The title may be on the nose, but the tale it tells is a refreshing punch in the groin.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:

“This film is…well, weird.  With a name like Frankenhooker, I suppose that you expected that.  Even beyond that though, it’s a weird, weird film. …  There’s no ‘normal’ way to do this story, but it still tries hard to be extra insane.  If you’re into the wacky side of Cinema, check this one out. It may blow your mind though..” – Alec Pridgen, Mondo Bizarro         

(This movie was nominated for review by Brian Fahrion. Suggest a weird movie of your own here.)         

Frankenhooker (Blu-ray)

Frankenhooker (Blu-ray)
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CAPSULE: FRECKLED MAX AND THE SPOOKS (1987)

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Pehavý Max a strašidlá

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DIRECTED BY: Juraj Jakubisko

FEATURING: , , Ferdinand Mayne, Gerhardt Karzel, Martin Hrebeň, Barbara De Rossi, Jacques Herlin, Mercedes Sampietro, Flavio Bucci, Milan Lasica, Julius Satinsky

PLOT: Orphan Max ditches the traveling circus and ends up at a castle just as Victor Frankenstein is preparing to animate his new creation, “Albert”; Count Dracula, water and fire spirits, Igor, the White Lady, and the Wolfman also haunt the premises.

Still from Freckled Max and the Spooks (1987)

COMMENTS: At first glance, the clunkily-titled Freckled Max and the Spooks hits all the marks as more-than-decent family entertainment, with a plucky orphan who falls in with a bevy of misfit monsters, leading to wacky adventures. Those of a certain age (OK, 60+) may be reminded of the Saturday morning show “Monster Squad” where the “Love Boat”‘s Fred Grandy solved mysteries with Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster and the Wolfman. Young Frankenstein and 1972’s The Girl on a Broomstick are also similar in tone. Freckled Max‘s comedy isn’t quite as broad as those, but there is a fair amount of slapstick, mainly involving Martin Hrebeň’s monster Albert, in a performance that’s sort of a proto-Jason Segel. A slight element of European bawdiness intrudes from time to time, but the characters have an underlying sweetness—as well as a bittersweet sadness, notably in the backstories of Igor and The White Lady. As Count Dracula tells Max, “When someone ends up alone, he turns into a ghost.”

Freckled Max is stacked with a cast of stellar actors: Lindfors, Constantine, Mayne (who also played a vampire in The Fearless Vampire Killers), and familiar faces from Italian (De Rossi and Bucci) and Czech cinema (Lasica and Satinsky) cinema. If there’s one criticism about the film, it’s that you wish that you could spend more time with the characters. Freckled Max is a drastically reduced theatrical version of a 7-episode Czech miniseries, “Frankenstein’s Aunt” based on a book by Allan Rune Petterson. That it holds up as a satisfying viewing experience even in its truncated version is a testament to the skill of everyone involved.

Juraj Jakubisko was an acclaimed director (1969’s Birds, Orphans and Fools) who, like most of his contemporaries who remained in the country after the post-Prague Spring crackdown, fell into disfavor. When allowed to make films, their projects skewed towards non-problematic fare: documentaries or family-friendly subjects like fairy tales. Jakubisko did a magical realist miniseries, “The Millennial Bee” (1983, based on a novel by Peter Jaroš), which also got a reduced theatrical version, and the feature The Feather Fairy (1985, based on the Brothers Grimm tale “Mother Hulda” and starring .)

Restored by the Slovak Film Institute, Freckled Max gets its first ever U.S. Blu-ray release via Deaf Crocodile in limited and standard editions. Extras include a commentary by Samm Deighan and a visual essay “Frankenstein’s Faster” by Ryan Verrill and Dr. Will Dobson. Deighan digs into the differences between the mini-series and movie while Verill and Dobson examine the source material. The disc also includes interviews with director of photography Jan Duris, assistant director Petra Galkova, and director of the Slovak Film Institute Rastislav Steranka; a short (5 minutes) behind the scenes featurette; and “Portrait of a Film Director,” a 45 minute documentary about Jakubisko. The limited edition comes in a slipcase with art by Beth Morris and a booklet with essays by writers Walter Chaw and Stephen Peros.

The full miniseries got a DVD release in Germany (“Frankenstein’s Tante”), but with no English subtitles. It is not currently on any streaming services. However, the curious, motivated, and bilingual might find a Spanish language version (“La Tia de Frankenstein”) out on the interwebs.

WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:

“…a surreal fantasy film that’s reminiscent of Federico Fellini and Terry Gilliam.”–Michael Den Boer, 10K Bullets (Blu-ray)

Freckled Max And The Spooks [Blu-ray]

Freckled Max And The Spooks [Blu-ray]
  • Director Juraj Jakubisko's Gothic horror comedy about an orphan who hides out in Frankenstein's castle with a lovable rogues' gallery of monsters
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CAPSULE: ADULT SWIM YULE LOG 2: BRANCHIN’ OUT (2024)

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Adult Swim Yule Log 2: Branchin’ Out is available to stream for free (with commercials) on AdultSwim.com until January 8.

DIRECTED BY: Casper Kelly

FEATURING: , Michael Shenefelt, Sharon Blackwood, Asher Alexander, Jesse Malinowski

PLOT: The killer yule log is back and looking for Zoe, who finds herself stranded in the Christmasy town of Mistletoe, which is planning their first annual Yule Log festival: can Zoe overcome her fear of being bashed in the head by an evil flaming log and embrace the spirit of Christmas, finding love with one of town’s clumsy hunks?

Still from Adult Swim Yule Log 2: Branchin' Out (2024)

COMMENTS: Adult Swim Yule Log, which dropped without warning in December 2022, had serial killers, aliens, ghosts, and a miniature plantation owner who lived in a fireplace in addition to its centerpiece: a flying, flaming, homicidal yule log. This sequel, which dropped without warning in December 2024, seemed unlikely to top all that insanity. And, wisely, writer/director Caspar Kelly doesn’t even try: instead, as the insouciant subtitle suggests, he pivots from an absurdist comedy with genuine moments of horror to a flat-out comedy, delivering a work that simultaneously parodies horror sequels and Hallmark Christmas rom-coms, with just enough bizarre touches to keep the franchise on brand. The result is a film that, while not as constantly surprising and weird as the original, is every bit as entertaining and watchable.

There are some nods to the previous installment (a trip inside a refrigerator that mirrors the trip inside the fireplace, gratuitous cameo appearances by beloved characters in the last scene), but you do not have to have seen the first one to enjoy this: if you’ve seen any horror sequel and a trailer for a Hallmark Christmas movie, you’ll be up to speed in no time. In fact, forget most of what you know about the first movie and just think of the Yule Log as an immortal slasher like Michael Meyers or Jason (despite being the most ridiculous inanimate horror villain since the Death Bed). Zoe, the final girl of the part 1, was understandably traumatized by the experience, so much so that she now carries a woodcutter’s axe with her wherever she goes—a running joke that gets funnier as the movie goes on. Her obligatory gay best friend suggests she needs a change of scenery to leave the memory of the horror behind her. Unfortunately, due to bad luck and possibly the machinations of a man in a Santa suit (whose character I never actually figured out), she finds herself stranded in Mistletoe, a Christmas-loving town peopled mainly by clumsy hunks who make every stroll down Main Street a never-ending ordeal of meets cutes. The movie takes on a meta tone as Zoe realizes that she is in either a horror movie or a Hallmark movie—and that she has, to some extent, the power to chose between them. The cinematography neatly goes fullscreen and full color for the romcom sequences, then narrows the frame to letterbox format and darkens in grade when the horror is predominant. This motif is employed well so that it always surprises you when it happens—but then you forget about the dual format, and it surprises you again the next time it happens.

Although she was the putative protagonist of the first movie, Andrea Laing particularly didn’t stand out in what was more of an ensemble film. Here, she stretches and impresses as she switches back and forth between plucky horror heroine and emotionally vulnerable romantic lead. And writer/director Caspar Kelly proves he can succeed at whatever he sets his mind to. If you cut out the Yule log related elements to leave only the Hallmark parody, you’d have one of the wackiest comedies of 2024, something with genuine box office potential. Despite the fact that this odd little TV movie will be seen by relatively few, it would surprise me if neither Laing nor Kelly expanded their profiles after this. Laing has talent, and Kelly may be outgrowing the Adult Swim sandbox—it’s time to branch out. True, AS gives Kelly a blank check for whatever weird project that swims through his strange mind, which is commendable; but there is an entire non-basic-cable audience of cinephiles (i.e., feature film snobs) out there who are missing out on a real original’s demented creations. You can’t take the Christ out of Christmas (because who wants to sing mas carols and open mas presents under the mas tree?); but you can take the Adult Swim out of Adult Swim Yule Log. Can you imagine seeing Yule Log 3: Wreck the Halls, starring Andrea Laing, in the cinema in two years?

WHAT THE CRITICS SAY:

“If you’ve ever wanted to see all the Hallmark ingredients (the skeptical “woman from the big city,” the supportive friend talking to her over Facetime, the interrupted kiss, the closing of the business followed by miraculous re-opening, leaving town but returning unexpectedly for love) but with some bizarre tangents, a bunch of death and some projectile vomiting, then merry Christmas to you. In between scenes like this there’s also a horror movie happening, with the flying yule log escaping from an evidence locker, blowing up the police station, stowing away on a family trip to try to chase Zoe to Mistletoe.”–Vern, outlawvern.com (contemporaneous)