Only 31 movies left to Certify Weird…

Alfred Eaker starts us off next week by finishing up his miniseries on TV’s “Batman” (start with part one here). Then, after Shane Wilson types out the full title of The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade [AKA Marat/Sade], we’ll see if there’s any room left for an analysis of this 1967 film adaptation of the 1963 play. Pete Trbovich chooses to go a different direction with the briskly-titled Zachariah, the 1971 counterculture Western written by the Firesign Theater. That leaves G. Smalley crawling through this site’s early archives, coming up with a fresh appreciation of the anarchic 1941 musical comedy Hellzapoppin!

Here we go again with our weekly survey of the weirdest search terms that brought visitors to the site. Despite the inhibiting effect of anonymizing privacy settings, we still managed to find a few strange queries this week, starting with a search for a movie-we’d-like-to-see: “horror movie mansion carpet eats woman.” Even odder is the “film where a house is chaced by another.” Still, for our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we’ll go with “kids playing violin abandoned house turns into birds in the”. With the kids playing violins in an abandoned house, it was already developing weirdly before the searcher was either interrupted or just lost interest in typing the rest of it, leaving us in suspense about whether the kids turned into birds, or the house turned into birds, or just what the hell actually happened with the birds.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-obviously-impossible-to-complete reader-suggested review queue stands: Marat/Sade (next week!); Zachariah (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

Only 33 movies left to Certify Weird…

While still awaiting his next summer blockbuster assignment, Alfred Eaker kicks off next week with a “KAPOW!” with the second installment of his “Batman” series (read the first here). While we’re waiting for Al to kick at tentpoles, G. Smalley is planning to check out the non-blockbuster, wannabe cult film How to Talk to Girls at Parties this week. Shane Wilson checks in with a review of Agustí Villaronga‘s 1989 occultist romp Moon Child (which recently debuted on Blu-ray). Smalley returns later in the week for a second look at Luis Buñuel‘s Phantom of Liberty (and experienced readers can probably figure out why that is).

It’s time again for our survey of the weirdest search terms that brought users to the site this week, with our usual caveat that this feature seems doomed due to increased use of privacy filters that prevent us from seeing over 95% of searches. But as long as we can, we’ll continue to spotlight the strangest queries from the 5% we do see. Stuff like “movie where kid shrimks and hangs on vagina hair80s” (a query we actually know the answer to: do you?) There’s also “the life of warrior prostitutes,” which sounds weird, sure, but refers to an actual media property (though one we’d prefer not to promote). For our weirdest search term of the week, we’ll go with one we don’t recognize and don’t want to recognize: “the movie in which girls do party and one fat girl climb on a boy and the boy died then they find to keep him somewhere.” Bad grammar, rambling syntax, and an enigmatic conclusion; just enough bizarre elements for us to declare it our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-still-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

Only 33 movies left to Certify Weird…

…and stay tuned for an announcement later today, after this update posts.

Next week, Alfred Eaker starts a new miniseries  on the campy/odd 60s incarnation of “Batman,” perhaps with a few bat-extras thrown in. Meanwhile, El Rob Hubbard gets caught up with last years “The Jacques Rivette Collection” box set release, Pete Trbovich tangles with Neil Breen’s revelatory I Am Here Now, and G. Smalley considers Don Hertzfeldt‘s much-requested breakthrough psychedelic stick figure animation, It’s Such a Beautiful Day. All great suggestions to cure you of the Avengers-induced summertime movie blues!

Here are the weirdest search terms that brought visitors to the site this week, with the ongoing caveat that Internet privacy settings continue to get (from our voyeuristic perspective) worse and worse, hiding more than 90% of all searches from our prying eyes. First up it’s the so-generic-it’s-weird search for “an old man” (outside chance this is a person searching for info on Alfred Eaker). Next, we’ll go with the blasé “tv show monster in stone take dad girl in wheele chair and boy has to find him” (because we feel like we’ve got to feature something as a runner-up). This week, we’ll go with “human being milked” for our Weirdest Search Term of the Week. But we’ll also point out that we see a search term like this about once every two weeks; it’s pretty run-of-the-mill ’round here.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: I Am Here Now (next week!); It’s Such a Beautiful Day (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

Only 33 movies left to Certify Weird…

Next week Alfred Eaker takes us to the end of Ingmar Bergman‘s career (and perhaps of our coverage of him) with a review of the Swede’s 1982 swan song, Fanny and Alexander. Then it’s into the reader-suggested review queue as Shane Wilson debates whether we should let the modern vampire classic Let the Right One In in, while G. Smalley looks into the eye-opening mindbender Open Your Eyes. We’ll end our weekly slate of reviews with a second look at Veit Helmer‘s semi-silent 1999 essay in Expressionism, Tuvalu.

Privacy settings make it harder and harder for us to find truly weird search terms each week, but until they dry up completely,  we’ll continue to list the weirdest searches that brought people to the site each week. This week we begin with one that goes in the “we’d actually like to see that” file: “child is found dying and turned into elf in foreign movie”.  Next up is the search for “366weirdmovies hillary clinton” (we aren’t aware of any movies Hillary’s made, weird or otherwise, but if she’s taken up filmmaking in her retirement, we’d be willing to take a look at them). We guess we’ll pick “80s-90s movie eat goo an change” for our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week (is it about people eating goo and change—the weirder option—or about people who eat goo that makes them change?)

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: Let the Right One In (next week!); Open Your Eyes (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; I Am Here Now; Sir Henry at Rawlinson Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

Only 35 more movies left to Certify Weird…

Next week, Alfred Eaker begins his summer penance with his first blockbuster review, the the Melissa McCarthy vehicle Life of the Party. As painful as that experience sounds, it might not be as bad as Pete Trbovich‘s assignment: the disastrous 1999 adaptation of Kurt Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions (don’t shed a tear for him, he volunteered for it). Then G. Smalley will bring you your first look at Josephine Decker‘s upcoming experimental drama Madeline’s Madeline, and then bring you long-awaited coverage of the under-the-radar Japanese cult comedy Survive Style 5+.

It was another weak week in weird search terms used to locate 366 Weird Movies, as Google privacy settings continue to hide over 95% of queries from our prying eyes. As always, we’ll let you know what we did see. Let’s see… “movie where a deformed boy on skateboard is attacked by a dog.” Is that odd? How about the simple question “what is the necrophiliac movie called”? That would probably qualify as a weird on another site, but here it’s probably an appropriate question.  The closest thing to an actual weird search we found was “a cartoon that people lights up when they have sex.” Let’s make it weirder next week, searchers, shall we?

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: Breakfast of Champions (next week!); Survive Style 5+ (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

Only 36 more movies to Certify Weird!

And, there’s only one day left to vote in our annual send Alfred to a Summer Blockbuster poll. If it ended today, Alfred would be complaining about being sent to cover Slender Man, the Melissa McCarthy vehicle Life of the Party, and Jaws/Godzilla mashup The Meg—but there’s plenty of time for that to change.

Speaking of Alfred, he’ll be dealing with his blockbuster anxiety by seeking the comfort of another Ingmar Bergman movie: this time up, it’s Autumn Sonata. Then it’s time to clear out some of that reader-suggested list, as G. Smalley watches the S&M-themed pink movie Blind Beast; Pete Trbovich suffers through the Swedish horror parody Evil Ed; and Giles Edwards revisits Dark City.

Once again, it’s time to review the weirdest search terms that brought users to the site this week. We think “movie where fat guy was tied up and fed paint chips” is probably a real film, although can’t say we recognize it. A bit weirder is the extremely specific “list the 1950,s sci fi band w films santa monica library carries” (read literally, this seems to be a request for the name of a sci-fi band from the 1950s who made multiple movies that are in the Santa Monica library’s collection. Sorry, no idea.) Our weirdest search term of the week, however, was undoubtedly “lailqphlztkuozaup3ezpvhlzt51mth” (for security reasons we actually changed one digit in that string, which didn’t make a difference to the overall nonsense). Not only does that random string not turn up anything on our site—making it technically impossible for someone to visit us from a search link—Google turns up no hits for it at all. A hacker searching for passwords? Maybe. But how did they end up here?

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: Blind Beast (next week!); Evil Ed (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

Only 37 movies left to Certify Weird!

Sumer is a-cumen in, and so it’s once again time to punish Alfred Eaker by sending him to three Hollywood summer blockbusters. We’ll have a poll up tomorrow. Next week will also bring you your first look at Australia’s would-be gay cult film, Fags in the Fast Lane. Then, Shane Wilson goes into the reader-suggested queue for the torture-porn twist Hard Candy, while G. Smalley finally gets around to an official review of the oft-requested  Martin Scorsese black comedy After Hours. Loudly sing, cuckoo!

It’s time once again for our weekly survey of weird search terms that unaccountably brought users to the site this week. First off, here’s a search we see variations of a lot: “mainstream bestiality scenes.” Guys, give it up; there is nothing mainstream about bestiality, and (Coming Soon notwithstanding) there never will be. Next up is the search for a “fantasy movie where people are transported to a magical land and the bad guys throw their prisoners at a wall of sticky do.” Yuck (if “do” is what we think it is.) For our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we select “a movie that thry put a drunk man inbthe car spin it on ice jump in a scream,” a query which itself might have been typed by a drunk man in a car spinning on the ice.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: Hard Candy (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

Only 39 more movies to Certify Weird!

Next week, Alfred Eaker continues to fill in our missing Ingmar Bergman coverage with Cries and Whispers (1972); Giles Edwards journeys deep into the reader-suggested queue to bring us Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974); and G. Smalley meditates on the recent On Body and Soul before adopting the direct-to-video Arise! as his short-duration personal savior.

Long time readers of this page know that our weekly survey of the Weirdest Search Terms that led people to the site used to be a vibrant review of web weirdness. Privacy filters have put a damper on all that fun. For illustration, our dashboard currently shows 1,650 visits from search engines this week; of these, 1,591 are listed as “unknown search terms.” While this makes it hard to show you the true strangeness of our core audience, we’ll continue featuring the strangest searches from the visible tip of the iceberg. First up is a question that, while weird, has probably occurred to all of us at one point or another: “why not contiouss sexualshows video”? Next is one we can’t quite figure out, unless it’s a request for some kind of bizarre Apichatpong Weerasethakul erotic fanfiction: “kunjane have sex with mr boonmee.” For our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we’ll go with “peeping 40 animals porn movie.com”; love the request for exactly 40 animals, and of course the ubiquitous superfluous “.com”. With those oddities visible, just imagine what monstrous searches must be lurking in the 96% of queries invisible to us?

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →

Only 40 movies left to Certify Weird!

Next week, iconclast Alfred Eaker breaks ranks to rant about TV’s new incarnation of “Supergirl.” Next up, we handle a couple of new releases, as Giles Edwards mulls Neil Young‘s Paradox and G. Smalley considers his complicated feelings for François Ozon‘s Double Lover. Then it’s boldly into the reader-suggested queue with Shane Wilson as he faces the sheeplike horror of the Godmonster of Indian Flats.

If you’ve been reading this site for a while, you know that in this space every week we run down the Weirdest Search Terms that brought people to the site. In the beginning, it was a great feature: we discovered fantastically strange queries, people looking for things like “vulva flamy move,” “naked barbarela vs. king kong,” or “ood moviesttttttat ae weird.” Then came the cursed privacy filters, blocking out 90% of the searches from our prying eyes. Now, we suspect these filters are creeping up to 99% coverage. We usually like to feature three weird search terms in this column, but this week we could not find much of anything worth bringing to your notice (excluding one which was weirdly composed but too ambiguously close to a pedophilia request to consider). OK, we’ll throw one out there for you: “silenthill gore scene porn penis.” That’s it; that’s as weird as it gets. Is this the end of this long-running feature? We’ll try again next week but we fear that, in their quest to make it safe to look up lesbian pygmy porn without your wife finding out, Google may have thrown the baby out with the bathwater, leaving us nothing to laugh at. And what good is a world with perfect privacy but no laughter?

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: The Godmonster of Indian Flats (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; I Am Here Now; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); The Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE →