Category Archives: Pipelines (Archived)

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 13 more movies left to Certify Weird!

Next week Alfred Eaker starts off our coverage with ‘s bafflingly bad duo of Western horrors, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter. Pete Trbovich keeps it out west with the reader-suggested Cannibal! The Musical, until Giles Edwards whisks us to 18th century France to investigate rumors of werewolves in Brotherhood of the Wolf (also reader-suggested). Then, it’s off to Japan with G. Smalley for a look at ‘s brilliantly bizarre dream hijack of a popular anime comedy: Urusei Yatsura 2: Beautiful Dreamer.

Weird search terms are back! For whatever reason (perhaps you guys figured out how to turn off your privacy filters, as we requested) we are now able to see between five and ten percent of all searches (rather than the one percent we were seeing a couple of weeks ago). Although this only gives us a hundred or so search strings to examine—meaning that there’s still quite a lot of weird searches out there hidden from our eyes—we at least have enough material to highlight some for your amusement. For example, there’s “i remember two kids finding a necklace and they end up at a castle with really big furniture! they find a creature and it rides in the backpack,” which sounds like a cool experience—someone should make a movie out of it. Then there’s the startling “movie milk cat to stay alive” (we hope it never comes to that). Our official Weirdest (and Yuckiest) Search Term of the Week, however, is “movie scene where a knight has sex with a dead woman hanging on a door.” We suspect that’s a real movie—maybe it’s from the necrophilia porn parody of the Seventh Seal?

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Cannibal! the Musical (next week!); Brotherhood of the Wolf (next week!); Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 14 movies left to Certify Weird!

As far as next week’s reviews go: we’re expecting a Halloween surprise (trick, or treat?) from Alfred Eaker. Then, it’s on to a couple of low-budget new releases featuring young female protagonists, as Giles Edwards looks at the convent-based horror The Book of Birdie while G. Smalley tackles the post-apocalyptic Molly. We’ll wrap up our reviews by revisiting ‘s theoretical Teorema.

Good news and bad news on the weird search term front. The good news is that, for unknown reasons, we saw a huge increase in the number of search terms visible to us (about 100 to pick from). The bad news is that about 50 or more of the searches were some variation of “free incest movie.” (We get the feeling these guys are going to be seriously disappointed by Fire Walk with Me and Society.) Probably the weirdest of that category was the search for “ok ru incest movies.” (C’mon, you may be a disgusting pervert, but set your sights higher than just “ok”!) In non-incest related perversion, the wrongest weirdest we saw was “School girlss xxx rape rageing forest movi.Com” (which, except for the “xxx,” might be a search for this one with a senseless “.Com” stuck on at the end). The upshot is, this is another week where we will not be awarding an official Weirdest Search Term of the Week; but there is hope that, if these numbers of visible searches keep up, we’ll be back on target soon.

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); The Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 15 movies left to Certify Weird…

As far as next week’s content goes… well, no hosting outages are planned, at least. We apologize about our web host’s catastrophic failure that took down this site (and thousands of others) for four days last week. Because of that unexpected contngency, next week’s slate will partly be a replay of what was originally scheduled for last week: the second half of Alfred Eaker‘s survey of ’s Poverty Row works dubbed the “Monogram Nine” (Part 1 here), followed by El Rob Hubbard‘s review of Felidae, the 1994 German animated film about a feline detective pursuing a serial killer of cats. As far as previously unannounced fare goes, we’ll also bring you a review of the strange arthouse resort experiment All You Can Eat Buddha alongside ‘s fitting swan song—Seven Servants, about a dying man who hires a multiracial crew of shirtless men to plug up his orifices (!)

Our attempts to highlight weird search terms used to locate the site were already seriously hampered by the pervasive use of privacy filters; taking an involuntary four days off last week didn’t help things. We noticed a search for “366 weird movies where has it gone,” but that was depressing rather than weird. Given our lack of a full slate this week, we won’t be anointing an official Weirdest Search Term of the Week this week. We’ll simply throw out a couple of  incomprehensibly perverted English-as-a-second-language finds—“incent movies and sextual related chines movies” and “adolt star kili luc mms”—and leave it at that.

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title, as you’ll see this week), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Felidae (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Just 17 more movies left to Certify Weird!

Next week, Alfred Eaker gets an early jump on Halloween with coverage of ‘s sad poverty row days (the “Monogram Nine”), in the first of a two-part series. We also promise a look at that very strange Finnish samurai, Samurai Rauni Reposaarelainen, and of ‘s hallucinatory Ukrainian folk tale, Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors (1964). We’ll throw another review in there too, but it’s a surprise (that means we don’t yet know for sure what it will be—be sure to tune in to find out!)

It’s time once more for our weekly survey of the weirdest search terms used to locate the site this week—and, in a twist, this week we actually have odd items to report on, despite Google’s privacy settings hiding 95% of all queries from our prying eyes. First off, we have to ask whether “BoNPX6Hmaey7u_h8dRDy5DIhZ_aqR4wroUYV-gM_0Qp_5dE9sNsWrmCOZbYf7Y1iCAnsRHwYUVmG3mIqQ2sS3nmmunwjYkLTDFcVZanLp-l_4as_NGEmhMsS1fsC9ZBwfhPt9owSOYw8gsg8K-a_ZDSPxAOIDffKiw9EUS71Qn9erCLIu1bv8yJVIoWDJ92DufrXi_iteVklP0wlp3BgSV1mlkPx50HZcgXI2XND5WMc6LIoMBV8p_S2g0lUof-YoAjfxiS3KgnleA6-64Ljt3aLdSVUo0whpvqP6041nzOjOdYPwF6e96PrlB5XdUyFBEEpRhw9cfmRYy7ADxMBtg” counts as an actual weird search term, or is it just a bizarre blip in Google Analytics? We’re decided to pass on it, because we also have “sex doll from hell“—which could be either a description of a fun horror movie, or a customer complaint. There’s also “movie – man removes one limb at a tme time from a woman until she is limitless” (I think that’s the wrong word there at the end) and “guy pulls ring from girl’s stomach blue blood movie.” But we think “1980 movie about a hotel. octopus in moccie” is the weirdest search term we saw this week. It was a surprising revival of weirdness in searches this week—let’s hope drunken ESL Googlers keep this trend going over the next seven days and for the foreseeable future!

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title, as you’ll see this week), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands:  Samurai Rauni Reposaarelainen (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 18 more movies to Certify Weird!

Alfred Eaker has other commitments to take care of this week, so we’ll run a reprint column on Monday. (Check in tomorrow to for a trip down weird memory lane!) In terms of “new” material, Shane Wilson looks at Robert Altman‘s Images (1972), a neglected psychological thriller that recently came out on Blu-ray. Later, G. Smalley turns his attention to the work of Masaaki Yuasa, who’s making a splash in 2018 with Netflix’s first anime series, “Devilman Crybaby,” and with the Blu-ray debut of his 2004 mind trip Mind Game (which long-time, and even recently-joined, readers will recognize as the winner of the final readers’ choice poll).

More declining returns in our weekly survey of weird search terms used to locate the site. Once again, privacy filters have prevented us from seeing over 90% of all queries, leaving us with almost nothing to report on. What about “movie where guy turns to grass”? Not weird enough? How about “grinporno”? Still no? Then let’s try “1970’s movie wherr girl looks out a windoe.” That’s about the weirdest we can do for you this week. No official Weirdest Search Term of the Week award for this seven day period. Let’s do better next week, shall we, Googlers?

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (though we will pick out the occasional title, as you’ll see this week), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: “Devilman Crybaby” (next week!); Mind Game (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 19 movies left to Certify Weird!

Up next week: Alfred Eaker, having just recovered from his unpleasant bout with 2018’s s, shows his inherent masochism by pulling another half-popped kernel of Hollywood excrement from his popcorn bag: The Happytime Murders. Then it’s Giles Edwards with a review of ‘s new memoir, “Room to Dream,” followed by a movie from the reader-suggested review queue, ‘s self-trepanation experiment, Nails. And even though we probably shouldn’t talk about it, G. Smalley will finish up the week with another one from the reader-suggested queue, Fight Club.

Privacy filters are once again nearly putting the kibosh on our weekly survey of the weirdest search terms that brought visitors to the site. Is “man of a thousand fingers” a weird search term? It doesn’t seem like it to us, but maybe we’re just jaded. What about “weird bestiality”? We see this one a lot, actually; disturbing, because it implies the searcher wants to exclude normal bestiality from the results. Whatever the case, we believe neither of these phrases are strange enough to be honored as a “Weirdest Search Term of the Week.” No award this week; we’ll see if things improve over the next seven days.

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (though we will pick out the occasional title, as you’ll see this week), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Nails (next week!); Fight Club (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

We’re down to only 20 movies left to Certify Weird…

Some of you may have noticed that the site has been having periodic downtime lately. Please bear with this as we try to get things sorted out behind the scenes. (It may be a consequence of having a giant site full of almost ten years worth of material, and a concomitantly large database to serve all that weird and wonderful content up). We have no full-time professional webmaster on staff to debug these kinds of issues, so it may take a while to gete verything sorted out. If you find the site down, check back in an hour and you’ll usually find everything peachy.

As for next week: Alfred Eaker is still recovering from the trauma inflicted by Slender Man and The Meg, and demanded a week off. We’ll re-run one of his old columns on Monday. In new stuff, Shane Wilson will bring you Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story, the banned biopic starring anorexic Barbie dolls, while Giles Edwards covers the 1966 antiwar cult film King of Hearts (about a schlub who finds himself “king” of a WWI village taken over by madmen), and G. Smalley revisits Goodbye Uncle Tom, and ‘s bizarre and exploitative shock-mockumentary about time-traveling Italian documentarians visiting the antebellum Confederacy to investigate the slave trade. As always, a stranger slate of weekly weirdness would be hard to find.

Weird search terms are getting harder and harder for us to find. You know the reasons why (damnable privacy settings, incognito tabs, and Deep State censorship). We have only two mildly strange queries to report to you this week: “boss is blacmale &sax videos,” and the somewhat stranger “hollywood movies a girls is roboat type and kill people with his breast nipple with a sharp pointed things.” The latter becomes our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week by default. Oh, and we should also mention the search for “oqgmsvp5vvf3hgskz6wvsjy-irvkexoajfjkdsu9zvkdfwr_nrdx3uhxaxnftap9oihyfmpfffkw7gmhg-fvnlcqrdq-4hdkdglszwauoj1_1csk17fdu9i6ttxzsryhpygk9aiwumel5vcmfs7f2y,” but we’re not sure is that’s a weird search term or just an attempt to guess our admin password (nice try, but you’re two characters off, guys). Here’s hoping for weirder next week.

Time for our weekly disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (though we will pick out the occasional title, as you’ll see this week), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-still-growing reader-suggested review queue now stands: “Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story” (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); The Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE