WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 36 more movies to Certify Weird!

And, there’s only one day left to vote in our annual send Alfred to a Summer Blockbuster poll. If it ended today, Alfred would be complaining about being sent to cover Slender Man, the vehicle Life of the Party, and Jaws/Godzilla mashup The Meg—but there’s plenty of time for that to change.

Speaking of Alfred, he’ll be dealing with his blockbuster anxiety by seeking the comfort of another movie: this time up, it’s Autumn Sonata. Then it’s time to clear out some of that reader-suggested list, as G. Smalley watches the S&M-themed pink movie Blind Beast; Pete Trbovich suffers through the Swedish horror parody Evil Ed; and Giles Edwards revisits Dark City.

Once again, it’s time to review the weirdest search terms that brought users to the site this week. We think “movie where fat guy was tied up and fed paint chips” is probably a real film, although can’t say we recognize it. A bit weirder is the extremely specific “list the 1950,s sci fi band w films santa monica library carries” (read literally, this seems to be a request for the name of a sci-fi band from the 1950s who made multiple movies that are in the Santa Monica library’s collection. Sorry, no idea.) Our weirdest search term of the week, however, was undoubtedly “lailqphlztkuozaup3ezpvhlzt51mth” (for security reasons we actually changed one digit in that string, which didn’t make a difference to the overall nonsense). Not only does that random string not turn up anything on our site—making it technically impossible for someone to visit us from a search link—Google turns up no hits for it at all. A hacker searching for passwords? Maybe. But how did they end up here?

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: Blind Beast (next week!); Evil Ed (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; I Am Here Now; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); The Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Buddy Boy (1999); Bliss (1985); La cicatrice intérieure; Chronopolis; Metropia; Zachariah; Battle in Heaven; The Taste of Tea; Cafe Flesh; Buffet Froid; Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam [AKA Turkish Star Wars]; The Signal; “Chick”, Felidae; Decasia (2002); Killdozer; Electric Dragon 80,000 V; Strange Circus; Mad Detective; Revolver; Litan (1982) (depending on availability); La Razon de Mi Vida (pending English language DVD release); The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea; Bernie (1996) (depending on availability); Things (1989); Hair Extensions; Haggard; Svidd neger (depending on availability); RoboGeisha; Executive Koala; Coonskin; Time Masters; Crash (1996); La Cravate; Spirits of the Air, Gremlins of the Clouds (depending on availability); Alphaville; Savages; Big River Man; Little Deaths; L’Ange; La Teta y La Luna; Finisterrae; Breakfast of Champions; Vase de Noces; Lucky; Ichi the Killer; La antena; Mystics in Bali; Feherlofia; Versus; Birth of the Overfiend; A Dog Called Pain; Memento Mori; That Deadwood Feeling; Happiness; Let the Right One In; Porcile [AKA Pigpen]; Underground; Hotel (2004); Hardgore; Survive Style 5+; The Last Movie; Lord Love a Duck; I Married a Strange Person; Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale; “The Canadian Films of Paul Driessen”; And The Ship Sails On; Mondo Trasho; Marat/Sade; Space Thang; Drunken Wu Tang [AKA Taoism Drunkard]; Insidious (2010); The Earl Sessions (2011); Sitcom; They Came Back, Prometheus’ Garden, “Harpya”; Bruce Lee vs. Gay Power; Dumplings; Return to Oz; “Star Maidens”; “The Mighty Boosh”; The Element of Crime; Lo; Roller Blade; Mind Game (2004); Dante’s Inferno; Calamari Wrestler; Death Powder (1986); Big Man Japan (official review); Angel in the Flesh: The Confidential Report on Mr. Dennis Duggan aka The King of Super 8 (if it’s released; the director says it might be); Static; “The Big Shave”; Incubus; Marebito; The Appointment (1981); The Cement Garden; Visions of Suffering; Singapore Sling (re-review); Koyaanisqatsi; Uzumaki [AKA Spiral] (official re-review); Hanger (2009); “Analog”; Daymaker; Nails; Monobloc (2005); Big Time; “Slow Bob in the Lower Dimensions”; Vakvagany; Momo (1986); Organ; Dance with the Devil; Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster; “Alicia”; Space Is the Place (official review); Killer Nun; The Nine Lives of Thomas Katz; Ascension; Mind Game; Brick; Creatures of Destiny; Goodbye 20th Century; Boxing Helena; Chappaqua; The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai; Man Facing Southeast; City of Pirates; Pink Narcissus; Teknolust; Dark Side of the Heart; Period Piece; “One Soldier”; Thriller: A Cruel Picture; The Million Dollar Hotel; Diamond Flash; Green Snake; The 10th Victim; Anatomy of Hell; Christ the Movie; Pola X; Phase IV; Welcome to the Dollhouse; Berberian Sound Studio; L’Inferno (1911); Heartbeeps; Bibliotheque Pascal; Marutirtha Hinglaj; A Pure Formality; The Mysterians; Rock n’ Roll High School; Johnny Aquarius; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Citizen Dog; Criminal Lovers; The Cat in the Hat; The Sea That Thinks; In Search of the Titanic; Creating Rem Lezar; I Think We’re Alone Now; Edward II (Jarman); Wild Tigers I Have Known; I Never Left the White Room; Faust: Love of the Damned; King Lear (1987); Alien Alibi; La Cabina; Kung Pow: Way of the Fist; Four Rooms; The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari; “Afraid So,” Bhoner: The Movie; The Passion of Darkly Noon; Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki; Something Weird; Gorod Zero; Snow White and Russian Red; Sphere; Tout Va Bien; Flaming Creatures; A Woman’s Face (1941), 8 1/2 Women; Nick the Feature Film; Only God Forgives; Nitwit; Homebodies; Celestial Wives Of Meadow Mari; Fiend Without a Face; Fear X; We Are the Strange; Confessions; Monday (depending on availability); Vigasiosexploitation (Vol. 1); The Slit; Tasher Desh; Womb; The Spirit; Surviving Life: Theory and Practice; Galaxy of Terror; Príncipe Azul (depending on availability); Samgeori Geukjang (AKA Midnight Ballad for Ghost Theater); Andy Warhol’s Dracula [AKA Blood for Dracula]; Death Powder; As Filhas do Fogo; The Killing Room; Fiend (1980); Strangers in Paradise (1984); Vinyan; Fellini’s Cassanova; Suddenly Last Summer; The Twonky; Emperor Tomato Ketchup; Frontier; Where the Dead Go to Die; Kárate a muerte en Torremolinos (depending on availability); Detention; The Fifth Season; Junkie (2012); The End of Evangelion; Gandu; Overdrawn at the Memory Bank; Dead Mountaineer’s Hotel; Excision; Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the Supernatural; A Spell to Ward Off the Darkness; Takeshis’; Om Dar-B-Dar; Live Freaky! Die Freaky!; Mécanix; Lucia (2013); Che strano chiamarsi Federico [How Strange to be Named Frederico] (2013); Cannibal! the Musical; A Quiet Place in the Country; Marketa Lazarova; House (1986); The Living and the Dead; In the Realm of the Senses; Shinbone Alley; Journey to the West [Xi you] (2013); Hitler: A Film from Germany; Never Belongs To Me; The Keep, Marebito;Theodore Rex; Pastoral Hide and Seek; Without Warning; Grimm Love; Alucarda; Impolex; Post Tenebras Lux; Tammy and the T-Rex; Waltz with Bashir; Le Orme [AKA Footprints on the Moon]; The Manipulator; Casshern; The Magic Toyshop; “The Fool and the Flying Ship”; Memoirs of a Survivor; The Giant Claw; Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium; The Midnight After; The Last Wave; “Mouse Soup”; Encounters at the End of the World; Wave Twisters; Dr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam;That Day; Spookies; “God Hates Cartoons”; Perfect Sense; “Hansel and Gretel” (Tim Burton); The Devil’s Chair; “Rabbits”; Little Murders; Allegro (2005); Messiah of Evil; Frankehooker; Throw Away Your Books Rally in the Streets; I’m Not There; Quicksilver Highway; “Hospital Brut”; Neji-Shiki; Dandy Dust; Palindromes (official review); Felix the Cat: The Movie; Freeway (1996); Totò che visse due volte; The Acid House (re-review); Hands of God (2005, d. Alyson Levy); Lakki… The Boy Who Could Fly [AKA Lakki… The Boy Who Grew Wings]; It’s Such a Beautiful Day; Tomorrow Night; Poultrygeist; The Tracey Fragments; Jigoku no Banken: Akai Megane [The Red Spectacles]; Tierra; Operation: Endgame; Kafka; Terror 2000; You Never Can Tell (1951); The Hunger (1983); Endgame (2000); Dreams That Money Can Buy; 12 Monkeys; Hotel (2001); Passages From Finnegans Wake; Mazeppa; Vegas in Space; The Magus; The Assignment: The Witches Talisman; White Tiger; Mickey One; Toys; Wise Blood; Ghosts Before Breakfast; Silver Heads; Cool World; Village of the Damned (1960); The 4th Man; The Plague Dogs; Electric Dreams; Wizard of Speed and Time; Motel Hell; Youth Without Youth; Following; Calimari Union; LFO; Helter Skelter (2012); Golem (1980); Sonatine; Gwen le Livre de Sable; The Outskirts (1998); Izo; The End of August at the Hotel Ozone; Werckmeister Harmonies; I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle; Brothers of the Head; Mystery Men; A Writer of Ghost Stories; Next Door [Naboer]; The Loved One; The Mirror; Until the End of the World; Overturn: Awakening of the Warrior; The Mysterious Castle in the Carpathians; Onibaba; Einstein’s Brain; The Beguiled; Fateful Findings; Bad Lieutenant; Magdalena Viraga; Le Météore; Fish Story; Coming Apart; Fatty Drives the Bus; Anna and the Wolves; Midori; Hanzo the Razor: Sword of Justice; Rows (2015); Horror (2002); Hysteria; I Married a Strange Person; Hentai Kamen; Future War; Decoder; The Hole; Human Nature; Andy Warhol’s Bad; The Great McGonagall; Bone, “Hen, His Wife”; A Journey Into Bliss; Subway (1985); Cheap Smokes; Gory Gory Hallelujah; The Adolescence of Utena; “Red, White and Zero”; Orlando; Tokyo Decadence; Who Can Kill a Child; Shakespeare’s Plan 12 from Outer Space; The Tune; The Virgin Psychics; Siesta; The Thingy: Confessions of a Teenage Placenta; Newsboys: Down Under the Big Top; Onirica: Field of Dogs; La Distancia; L’intrus (2004) [The Intruder]; Jacky in the Kingdom of Women; Ex-Drummer (re-review); Earth Minus Zero; Shakes the Clown; Spermicide; The Fabulous Baron Munchausen; The Ring Finger; Sauna (2008); Adam’s Apples; Fight Club; Dark Star; The Infernal Comedy: Confessions of a Serial Killer; Cast a Deadly Spell; “Bobby Yeah,” Cat Sick Blues; “Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story”; The Last of Us; Die Fighting; Dead Billy; Hail the New Puritan; Deathgasm; Kamikaze Girls; The Eternity Man; Pistol Opera; Deafula; BoXed; Velvet Goldmine; Turbo Kid; The Cannibals (de Oliveira); Los Parecidos [The Similars]; Darktown Strutters; Underwater Love; Tales of Hoffman; Remainder; Deep Dark; Aaaaah!; Devil’s Rain, Jubilee, Welcome Home Brother Charles; Kung Fu from Beyond the Grave; Tough Guys Don’t Dance; Straight to Hell; Love, Honor and Obey; George Washington; Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?; “Flowers and Bottoms”; Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak; EGG.; The Complaint of an Empress; Makkhi; The Dog’s Night Song; Big Meat Eater; End of the Road; Prayer of the Rollerboys; Cool Cat Saves the Kids; “Penda’s Fen”; Imprint; Kultur Shock!; Melancholie der Engel; The Aimed School; The Mask (1961); Shackled; Hukkle;Beg!; Juliet of the Spirits; The Lickerish Quartet; Gothic & Lolita Psycho; The Wild World of Batwoman; Carnival Magic; “Am I Normal? A Film About Male Puberty”; “The Flood” (TV, 1987); The Mouse and His Child; Walker; It Couldn’t Happen Here; Spork; Mr. Blot’s Academy; Track 29; Speed Racer; From Morn to Midnight; Human Animals; U-Turn; Blood for Dracula; Blood, Bullets, Buffoons; Mishima: Life in Four Chapters; ¡Vivan las antípodas!; The Woman in the FifthSlipstream; Malatesta’s Carnival of Blood; Izo (2004); Essex Spacebin; Funny Bones; The Vagrant; “Factory Witch”; Dante 01; The Legend of 1900; Blak Mama; Artemis 81; Dancer in the Dark; Brotherhood of the Wolf; Body Troopers; Jawbreaker; Rocks in My PocketSamurai Rauni Reposaarelainen; The Golem; Blood-Spattered Bride; Trapped in the Closet; Penitentiary IIIAachi & SsipakCosmos; PigKung Fury; Whatever Happened to Vileness Fats; Roots of EvilCombat Shock; Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath; Les garcons sauavges [The Wild Boys]; Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves; The Housemaid (1960); Space Jam; and Gyo: Tokyo Fish Attack.

OUT OF PRINT/NOT YET ON REGION 1 DVD HOLDING PEN: We’re holding off on reviewing these in case they get an official release down the line: Liquid Sky (re-review); Celine and Julie Go Boating; The Real McCoy (we’re now of the opinion that this portrait of “Hanoi Rocks” singer Andy McCoy is unlikely to be released in any form); Themroc; Happy End; Habfürdő [Bubble Bath] (Hungarian), Angel’s Egg (reviewed, but still awaiting release), Arrebato, The Last Days of Planet Earth; Jack and the Beanstalk (1974, Japan); The Drifting Classroom; Uncle Meat; 1 Day; Vermilion Souls; The Annunciation (1984); Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya].

 

One thought on “WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE”

  1. I really hope we don’t end up seeing an article indirectly bashing the slender man mythos (“uhh, he just stands around, what a shitty concept”) based on this one (of a many dozen) shitty cash-in movies.

    Not to be presumptuous, I’ve just had to witness similar things far too many times, and in my weariness I’ve come to prefer people ignore these if the general public is going to (inevitably) be uninformed about it.

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