Next week we’ll cover a couple of new releases as Giles Edwards rents Winners Tape All, a backyard-budget movie mockumentary about VHS-era backyard-budget slasher movies, while G. Smalley considers whether the viral grossout horror Condemned earns its name. On a more enlightened, artier note, we’ll also look at ‘s reader-suggested metaphorical opus The Fountain, a trippy epic unfolding in three (or more) time periods. (Alfred Eaker will also be represented, as always, although he’s currently batting about a couple of different ideas for this week’s column).
Now is the time when we turn to the server logs and marvel at the odd search engine terms that bring people to this site, a feature we like to call “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week.” From our “I don’t think you quite get how Google works” file comes the request for “on netflix what is movie that has fall in it and 4 people is swimming in it and this girl takes hes her bra off and they where swimming and this thing was in the water and they went on a log thing and this stuff pulled the people in and be dead what is that movie called.” (Hint: you are not texting a person who is reading your request and researching the issue for you, you are entering terms into a text-matching algorithm. The more useless babble you include in your search, the more useless results you will get). In the week’s more conventionally weird (now there’s an oxymoron for you!) searches, both “whats is the movie that he has near death dreams fighting with pink crystals” and “grotesque gas mask fetish” earn honorable mentions. For our official Weirdest Search Term of the week, however, we’ll choose “radioactive scientist man movie stole’1950s movie’ ‘to sell’.” We just love the strange concept of a radioactive scientist fencing stolen 1950s movies.
Here’s how the ridiculously-long and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue now stands (note: since Candy is getting a Blu-ray release next week, we’re moving it from the out-of-print holding pen and back into the regular queue; it’s place in the unavailable list will be taken by Symbol, which does not appear to be available anywhere with English subtitles): The Fountain (next week!); Candy; Angelus; Wicked City (1992 live action); Portrait of Jennie; Salo, the 120 Days of Sodom; The Atrocity Exhibition; Noroi; Cutie Honey; The Shape of Things; On the Silver Globe; The Last Days of Planet Earth; A Snake of June; The Neverending Story; Jack and the Beanstalk (1974, Japan); Drowning by Numbers; The Saragossa Manuscript; The Drifting Classroom; Brain Dead; Uncle Meat; Meet the Hollowheads; If…; Nuit Noire; Screamplay; Grendel Grendel Grendel; Twilight of the Cockroaches; Indecent Desires; Daughter of Horror [AKA Dementia]; The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie; Beauty and the Beast [Panna a Netvor] (1978); Parents; Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; 1 Day; The Doom Generation; Black Devil Doll; Vermilion Souls (depending on availability); No Smoking (2007); Reflections of Evil; The War Zone; Gahjini; The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb; One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); Wool 100%; Murder Party; The Annunciation (1984); Funeral Parade of Roses; Bad Taste; Audition; Me and You and Everyone We Know; Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; Darc Arc; Genius Party; Tampopo; The Idiots; Titicut Follies; The Shout; “Premium” (depending on availability); The Pit (1981); Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams; The Falls; Spermula; Killer Condom; The Godmonster of Indian Flats; Perfect Blue; I Am Here Now; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); Skeletons; Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song; The Brave Little Toaster; The Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Meet the Feebles; The Adventures of Mark Twain; Tourist Trap (1979); Thundercrack!; SLC Punk; Anguish (1987); Buddy Boy (1999); Bliss (1985); La cicatrice intérieure; Avida (2006); Amazon Women on the Moon; Chronopolis; Blue (1993); Metropia; Zachariah; Battle in Heaven; The Taste of Tea; Evil Ed; I Will Walk Like a Crazy Horse; Cafe Flesh; Buffet Froid; Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam [AKA Turkish Star Wars]; The Signal; “Alma” (short); The Double Life of Veronique; “Chick”, Felidae; Decasia (2002); Killdozer; I (heart) Huckabees; Electric Dragon 80,000 V; Santa Claus (1959); Strange Circus; Mad Detective; Revolver; The Tenant; Litan (1982) (depending on availability); Dark Waters; La Razon de Mi Vida (pending English language DVD release); The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea; Bernie (1996) (depending on availability);Things (1989); Hair Extensions; Haggard; Svidd neger (depending on availability); RoboGeisha; Executive Koala; Coonskin; Time Masters; Hard Candy; Waiting for Godot (2001); Crash (1996); La Cravate; Spirits of the Air, Gremlins of the Clouds (depending on availability); Last Year in Marienbad; Alphaville; Savages; Big River Man; Little Deaths; L’Ange; La Teta y La Luna; Finisterrae; L’Âge d’or (re-review); Breakfast of Champions; Vase de Noces; Lucky; Ichi the Killer; La antena; Mystics in Bali; Feherlofia; Versus; Birth of the Overfiend; A Dog Called Pain; Memento Mori; That Deadwood Feeling; Happiness; Let the Right One In; Porcile [AKA Pigpen]; Underground; Caligula; Hotel (2004); Hardgore; Survive Style 5+; The Last Movie; Lord Love a Duck; Amarcord; I Married a Strange Person; Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale; “The Canadian Films of Paul Driessen”; And The Ship Sails On; Mondo Trasho; Marat/Sade; Darjeeling Limited; Space Thang; Drunken Wu Tang [AKA Taoism Drunkard]; Insidious (2010); The Earl Sessions (2011); Sitcom; They Came Back, Prometheus’ Garden, “Harpya”; Bruce Lee vs. Gay Power; Dumplings; Return to Oz; “Star Maidens”; “The Mighty Boosh”; The Element of Crime; Lo; Roller Blade; “The Act of Seeing With One’s Own Eyes”; Mind Game (2004); Down and Dirty Duck; Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure; Dante’s Inferno; Bad Timing (AKA Bad Timing: A Sensual Obsession); Calamari Wrestler; Death Powder (1986); Big Man Japan (official review); Angel in the Flesh: The Confidential Report on Mr. Dennis Duggan aka The King of Super 8 (if it’s released; the director says it might be); Static; “The Big Shave”; Incubus; W.R.-Mysteries of the Organism; Marebito; The Appointment (1981); Pierrot Le Fou; The Cement Garden; Visions of Suffering; Singapore Sling (re-review); Koyaanisqatsi; Uzumaki [AKA Spiral] (official re-review); Hanger (2009); “Analog”; Daymaker; Nails; Monobloc (2005); Big Time; “Slow Bob in the Lower Dimensions”; Vakvagany; Momo (1986); Organ; Dance with the Devil; Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster; “Alicia”; Space Is the Place (official review); Killer Nun; The Nine Lives of Thomas Katz; Ascension; Mind Last Life in the Universe; Brick; Wax, or The Discovery of Television Among the Bees; Creatures of Destiny; Goodbye 20th Century; Boxing Helena; Chappaqua; The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai; Man Facing Southeast; City of Pirates; Pink Narcissus; 11:14; Teknolust; Dark Side of the Heart; Period Piece; “One Soldier”; Thriller: A Cruel Picture; The Million Dollar Hotel; Diamond Flash; Green Snake; The 10th Victim; City of Women, Anatomy of Hell, Christ the Movie; Pola X; Phase IV; Welcome to the Dollhouse; No Smoking; Berberian Sound Studio; L’Inferno (1911); Heartbeeps; Bibliotheque Pascal; Marutirtha Hinglaj; A Pure Formality; The Mysterians; Rock n’ Roll High School; Possession (re-review); Johnny Aquarius; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; Citizen Dog; Criminal Lovers; The Cat in the Hat; The Sea That Thinks; In Search of the Titanic; Creating Rem Lezar; I Think We’re Alone Now; Hugo the Hippo; Edward II (Jarman); Wild Tigers I Have Known; I Never Left the White Room; Faust: Love of the Damned; King Lear (1987); Alien Alibi; Paperhouse; La Cabina; Kung Pow: Way of the Fist; Four Rooms; The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari; “Afraid So,” Bhoner: The Movie; The Passion of Darkly Noon; Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki; Something Weird;Gorod Zero; Death by Hanging; Snow White and Russian Red; Sphere; Tout Va Bien; Flaming Creatures; A Woman’s Face (1941), 8 1/2 Women; Nick the Feature Film; In a Glass Cage; Only God Forgives; Nitwit; Homebodies; Celestial Wives Of Meadow Mari; Fiend Without a Face; Fear X; Brand Upon the Brain!; We Are the Strange; Confessions; Monday (depending on availability); Vigasiosexploitation (Vol. 1); The Slit; Tasher Desh; Womb; The Spirit; Surviving Life: Theory and Practice; Galaxy of Terror; Blind Beast; Príncipe Azul (depending on availability); Samgeori Geukjang (AKA Midnight Ballad for Ghost Theater); Andy Warhol’s Dracula [AKA Blood for Dracula]; Death Powder; As Filhas do Fogo; Brain Dead [AKA Dead Alive]; The Killing Room; Fiend (1980); Strangers in Paradise (1984); Vinyan; Fellini’s Cassanova; Suddenly Last Summer; Idaho Transfer; The Twonky; Emperor Tomato Ketchup; Frontier; Where the Dead Go to Die; Kárate a muerte en Torremolinos (depending on availability); Detention; The Fifth Season;The Chumscrubber; Junkie (2012); The End of Evangelion; Gandu; Overdrawn at the Memory Bank; Dead Mountaineer’s Hotel; Excision; Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the Supernatural; A Spell to Ward Off the Darkness; Takeshis’; Om Dar-B-Dar; Live Freaky! Die Freaky!; Mécanix; Lucia (2013); Che strano chiamarsi Federico [How Strange to be Named Frederico] (2013); Cannibal! the Musical; A Quiet Place in the Country; Marketa Lazarova; Wings of Desire; House (1986); The Living and the Dead; In the Realm of the Senses; Shinbone Alley; Jabberwocky; Journey to the West [Xi you] (2013); Return of the Living Dead; Hitler: A Film from Germany; Never Belongs To Me; The Keep, Marebito;Theodore Rex; Pastoral Hide and Seek; Without Warning; Grimm Love; Alucarda; Impolex; Post Tenebras Lux; Tammy and the T-Rex; Waltz with Bashir; The Magic Toyshop; “The Fool and the Flying Ship”; Memoirs of a Survivor; The Giant Claw; Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium; The Midnight After; The Last Wave; “Mouse Soup”; Encounters at the End of the World; Wave Twisters; Dr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam;That Day; Spookies; “God Hates Cartoons”; Perfect Sense; “Hansel and Gretel” (Tim Burton); The Devil’s Chair; “Rabbits”; Little Murders; Allegro (2005); Messiah of Evil; Frankehooker; Throw Away Your Books Rally in the Streets; I’m Not There; Quicksilver Highway; “Hospital Brut”; Neji-Shiki; Dandy Dust; Palindromes (official review); Felix the Cat: The Movie; Freeway (1996); Totò che visse due volte; The Acid House (re-review);The Face of Another; Hands of God (2005, d. Alyson Levy); Lakki… The Boy Who Could Fly [AKA Lakki… The Boy Who Grew Wings]; It’s Such a Beautiful Day; Tomorrow Night; Poultrygeist; The Tracey Fragments; Jigoku no Banken: Akai Megane [The Red Spectacles]; Tierra; Operation: Endgame; Kafka; Terror 2000; You Never Can Tell (1951); The Hunger(1983); Endgame (2000); Dreams That Money Can Buy; 12 Monkeys; Hotel (2001); Passages From Finnegans Wake; Mazeppa; Vegas in Space; The Magus; The Assignment: The Witches Talisman; White Tiger; Mickey One; Toys; Wise Blood; Ghosts Before Breakfast; Silver Heads; Cool World; Village of the Damned (1960); One Point O; The 4th Man; Human Highway; Apocalypse Now; Something Wild; The Plague Dogs; Electric Dreams; Wizard of Speed and Time; Motel Hell; Youth Without Youth; Kin-Dza-Dza; Following; Calimari Union; LFO; Helter Skelter (2012); Golem (1980); Sonatine; Gwen le Livre de Sable; The Outskirts (1998); Izo; The End of August at the Hotel Ozone; Werckmeister Harmonies; I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle; Brothers of the Head; Mystery Men; A Writer of Ghost Stories; Next Door [Naboer]; The Loved One; The Mirror; Until the End of the World; Catch-22; Overturn: Awakening of the Warrior; The Mysterious Castle in the Carpathians; Baby of Macon; Onibaba; Einstein’s Brain; The Beguiled; Fateful Findings; Bad Lieutenant; Magdalena Viraga; Le Météore; Tag; Fish Story; Coming Apart; Fatty Drives the Bus; Anna and the Wolves; Midori; Hanzo the Razor: Sword of Justice; Rows (2015); Horror (2002); Hysteria; I Married a Strange Person; Hentai Kamen; The Big Crime Wave; Future War; Decoder; Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies; The Hole; F for Fake; Human Nature; Andy Warhol’s Bad; The Great McGonagall; Bone, “Hen, His Wife”; A Journey Into Bliss; Subway (1985); Cheap Smokes; Gory Gory Hallelujah; The Adolescence of Utena; and “Red, White and Zero.”
OUT OF PRINT/NOT YET ON REGION 1 DVD HOLDING PEN: We’re holding off on reviewing these in case they get an official release down the line: Liquid Sky (re-review); Celine and Julie Go Boating; The Real McCoy (we’re now of the opinion that this portrait of “Hanoi Rocks” singer Andy McCoy is unlikely to be released in any form); Themroc; Happy End; Habfürdő [Bubble Bath] (Hungarian), Angel’s Egg, Arrebato; Symbol.