Category Archives: Pipelines (Archived)

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week, we’ll be bringing you a very special “Top 10 Weird Movies” list from a very unlikely source. We’ll also dip into the reader-suggested review queue for a look at Pater Sparrow’s strange, solipsistic sci-fi feature 1 (2009) and venture out to the hardtop movie theaters for Danny Boyle’s psychological heist flick Trance; meanwhile, Alfred will continue to knock out reviews of the Buster Keaton canon with a double feature of The Navigator (1924) and Frozen North (1922).

Paranoid at government’s increasing ability to spy on its citizens and discover that they are spending their working hours searching for pantyhose toe-sucking fetish porn, people there days are increasingly using advanced privacy settings to hide their search terms from prying electronic eyes. While that may be a good thing for personal freedom, in theory, it seriously impacts our search for the Weirdest Search Term of the Week when more than half of the search terms we see in our server logs show up as “(not provided)” or (unknown).” Remember, when you’re hiding from Big Brother, you’re also hiding from the 366 Weird Movies staff! Looking at what’s left after all the (presumably juicy) hidden searches are removed, we’re left considering stuff like “weird man eating movies.” It’s a strange search term, sure—any man’s weird if he’s eating movies, after all—but it’s not as deranged as we’d like to see.  “Use rapture for cleaning pipline” is a little bit weirder (so long as the searcher is wondering whether the Christian concept of the Rapture will clean pipelines—if there’s an actual cleaning product out there called “Rapture,” then this search is worthless for our purposes). That leaves us with what is unquestionably the Weirdest Search Term of the Week: “cockroach experiment vaginal style.” We are hoping “vaginal style” will replace “Gangnam style” in the national viral consciousness.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: 1 (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review); The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; Tokyo Gore Police; At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul; The Trial [Le procès] (1962); Marquis; Hell Comes to Frogtown; Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week’s review slate starts off with the 1967 all-star flop Casino Royale (a spy spoof so bizarre, it took five directors to ruin). We’ll also take a look at Fast, Cheap and Out of Control (1997), finally find the time to go off on Spring Breakers (2013), and peek at in Playhouse (1921) and Steamboat Bill Jr. (1928).

With the upcoming review announcements done with, we can now turn to the reason you’re really reading this column: to check out this week’s nominees in our Weirdest Search Term of the Week contest. We did encounter a number of head-scratchers this time around, starting with “christians making weird fingers.” That bizarrity was followed-up with “reviews re-adult reactions to peanut butte” (what’s a re-adult?) and “wild sexy female killers with tongues-movies” (is the searcher implying that somewhere there are are movies about wild sexy female killers without tongues?) As much as the first three entries could have made for sensible searches, if you changed a word or two, this week’s winning enrtry was incomprehensible from start to finish: “xxx film dollars born winnick, his mother.” If anyone has a logical explanation for that random string of nonsense verbiage, we’d like to hear it.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: Casino Royale (1967) (next week!); Fast, Cheap and Out of Control (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review); The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Tokyo Gore Police; At Midnight I’ll Take Your Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

We’ve heard some potentially disturbing news. Nothing for readers to worry about it; if it happens, you’ll find out soon enough. Trust that we are working hard up until the very last minute to make sure everything around here continues as it always has. While this behind-the-scenes stuff is going on, we’re still working hard on bringing you the best weird movie reviews on the Net (or anywhere else, for that matter). To wit: next week we’ll check out the BBC’s unique 1966 adaptation of Alice in Wonderland (with Sir John Gielgud and Peter Sellers among the cast); we’ll venture into theaters to catch War Witch, the story of a child soldier in Africa believed to have magical powers; and finally we’ll touch on Sherlock Jr., ‘ masterpiece of slapstick surrealism. It should be interesting around these parts…

What isn’t interesting are this week’s feeble entries in our Weirdest Search Term of the Week contest. Are web searchers out there getting more and more normal by the day—just as the government wants? We were reduced to highlighting “you were on my mind philippine movie penis giant tub sleeping dream nightmare” as one of the weirdest searches we came across this week. (As far as we know, there really is a Philippine movie called You Were on My Mind that features a nightmare about a giant penis sleeping in a tub; hardly among the strangest queries we’ve come across). Similar in style is “animation turns into donkey pancake”: again, surely someone out there has already created an animated movie that turns into a donkey pancake. We need weirder! But we didn’t get it, and we were forced to settle on “porn movies: her sexy breasts fascinate me into deep orgasm hypnosis” as our default Weirdest Search Term of the Week. We’re suckers for unexpected colon use and hypnotic orgasms inspired by the sight of sexy breasts. But please, pick up your game for next week, all you Googling weirdos out there!

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review);The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Cheap and Out of Control; Tokyo Gore Police; At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul; The Trial [Le procès] (1962); Marquis; Hell Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week we’ll investigate the career of sans the dark influence of frequent collaborator with a look at his short film “Foutaises” (“Things I Like, Things I Don’t Like”) followed by his massive heartwarming hit Amélie (2001). We’ll also take a trip to the hardtop theaters for a look at a new release—but you’ll have to tune in to see which one!

Last week, we mentioned that search engine traffic was down on the site, leading us to have to rely solely on the omnipresent obscene searches to pick our “Weirdest Search Term of the Week.” Google traffic ticked up this week, and as it did so, we started to see the occasional non-porn related weird search term trickle through our servers. It’s refreshing to see searchers looking for decent (if undeniably odd) Web content like “burning monkey suit chased london movie” for a change. Not to mention some innocent searcher’s quest to find a “surrealist movie where humans use butt stamp,” which is PG-13 content, maybe, but far less offensive than most of the disturbingly unprintable fetish filth that usually stains our server logs. Still, even though we’re proud of the new family-friendly tone to this contest, we can’t deny the power of the perverts to outweird them all: our winner of the Weirdest Search Term of the Week contest is “movies girls topless lesbian breastfeed foreign men from their chests.” That search just raises too many bizarre questions—why must the breastfeeding men be foreigners? where else would lesbians breastfeed from besides their chests?—to avoid honoring as weirdest of the week.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: “Foutaises” (next week!); Amelie (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review);The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Cheap and Out of Control; Tokyo Gore Police; At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul; Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

We’ll be slacking off a little bit next week. Oh, we’ll still have a full slate of reviews for your reading pleasure, it’s just that one of them will be ‘s revolutionary indie Slacker (1991). We’ll also be reviewing what’s essentially an unfinished and unreleased movie in “Chingsao the Clown,” basically a 15 minute pitch for a feature that has not yet been completed. We’ll complement that one with a look at a movie that’s unavailable in a decent version (in Region 1) in Prospero’s Books (1991), ‘s nudie version of Shakespeare. All three of those entries come out of our reader-suggested review queue, but as you will notice from the list below we’re still barely making a dent in that monstrosity.

It’s almost always the perverts who dominate our “Weirdest Search Term of the Week” contest, and this edition is no exception to the general rule. The least weird of this week’s deviant entries is the search for “lactating superhero cartoons.” Dialing the strangeness up a notch, we find the rambling request for info about “suckling animals of the issuance of sexy ladies hitch a violent video.” As bizarre and nearly incomprehensible as that fetish is, however, we’re still enshrining the unique “a woman’s vagina worms that affect slave sex film” as our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week. The (probably bad) effects of vagina worms on slave sex had never occurred to us before, and we sincerely hope the searcher was able to locate a film that explores this neglected topic.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-girwing reader-suggested review queue stands: Prospero’s Books (next week!); Slacker (next week!); “Chingsao the Clown” (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review); “Foutaises”; Amelie; The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Cheap and Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week we promise a review of ‘s latest conceptual arthouse drama, Like Someone in Love, about the ambiguous relationship between a professor and a call girl. We’ll also dip into the reader-suggested review queue for a look at ‘s schizophrenic teen experiment Julien Donkey-Boy (1999). No promises on the week’s other two reviews, but they will include some combination of an exciting new sci-fi release with powerful cult movie potential, an eight-hour foreign arthouse epic, and a controversial but visually spectacular British nudie classic. Gotta keep you guys guessing.

Search engine traffic for the site remains down, making our endeavor to find the Weirdest Search Term of the Week more of a challenge. Maybe, now that Spring is breaking, people are venturing outside, spending their leisure time breathing fresh air, picnicking and bicycling rather than reading about weird movies. But there is one thing that the great outdoors can never give you that Google can: porn. Which is a good thing for our quest to locate weird search terms, since that means we can wonder about queries like “doctor changes sissy to girly boy with organs” (we confess we don’t know the technical difference between a sissy and a girly boy, so maybe this actually makes sense to a devotee of sissydom). In the same vein come searches for  “medieval interrogation xxx movie blog forum,” and “big breasted girl slaves fed to roman soildiers porn.” Our choice for the Weirdest Search Term of the Week, however, is also the one that makes us the most squeamish: a search for info on “the hungarian penis slasher.” We read that one and immediately cancelled plans to vacation in Budapest.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: Julien Donkey-boy (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review); “Foutaises”; Amelie; The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Cheap and Out of Control; Tokyo Gore Police; At Midnight I’ll Take Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

From the ridiculous to the sublime: we’ll start off next week with reviews of a pair of cheezy b-movies, the impossible-to-follow Taiwanese epic Return of the Kung Fu Dragon (1976) and the impossible-to-swallow Highlander II (1991). Then we’ll segue into two cinema classics, checking out ‘s Freudian phantasmagoria Persona (1966) for the first time, while Alfred adds additional thoughts on the Certifed Weird classic Un Chien Andalou (1929). Where else will you get that range of schizophrenic cinema coverage but at 366 Weird Movies? That’s our mission: we explore the extremes and ignore the mediocre middle.

Google traffic is down, down, down, for reasons we can’t explain. Nonetheless, a high percentage of the trickle of traffic that remains consists of weird search terms of the sort that we love to bring to you each week in a feature we like to call, “Weirdest Search Term of the Week.” For example, we noticed someone searching for “pope rogy movies” (we’re unaware of a Pope Rogy, but perhaps the searcher mistyped some other word).  Even weirder, we suppose, is the search for “gaseous ghosts cleavage movies.” The previous two searchers were looking for particularly strange genres of movies, but the next fellow tops them both with the official Weirdest Search Term of the Week: “ood moviesttttttat ae weird.”  We’re assuming that query was typed on a keyboard with no “g,” “h” or “r” and a “t” that sticks: either that, or the searcher was drunk as hell.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: Persona (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review); “Foutaises”; Julien Donkey-boy; Amelie; The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Cheap and Out of Control; Tokyo Gore Police; At Midnight I’ll Take Your Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

We’ll start off next week with a look at Liar’s Autobiography: The Untrue Story of Monty Python’s Graham Chapman (2012), a surreal animated concoction narrated from beyond the grave by Chapman himself. We’ll follow that up with a couple of flicks from the reader-suggested review queue: the “New French Extremity” horror Sheitan (2006) and Lars von Trier’s misanthropic Dogville (2003). To cap off the week, Alfred will finish up his survey of the overlooked career of with a review of The Chaser (1928), the second (and last existing) self-directed feature from slapstick’s “forgotten clown.”

Nothing (for you) to worry about, but our Google traffic took an unexplained nosedive this week. We still manage to locate mucho weird search terms sticking out of the statistical traffic wreckage like severed limbs. We’ll start with the person looking for advice to “stop dogs humping gf wakeup” (wanting to stop dogs from humping your girlfriend is perfectly understandable—it’s only the unexplained “wakeup” at the end that turns it into a weird search term). If that doesn’t ring your weird bell, how about the guy who’s looking to “chat shrewish directly”? And, while we’d actually like to see “bizarre movie about love transforming into goat,” if we had our video druthers we’d check out this week’s Weirdest Search Term of the Week winner, “naked barbarela vs. king kong,” instead. Why, oh why did Dino de Laurentiis have to die before he could greenlight that script?

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: Sheitan (next week!); Dogville (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review); “Foutaises”;  Julien Donkey-boy; Amelie; The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Cheap and Out of Control; Tokyo Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Well, it’s the last week to vote in the 2012 edition of the Weirdcademy Awards. If you guys don’t mobilize, then Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie is going to win Weirdest Picture—something of an embarrassment for us, since we judged the movie as not that weird. (Since this contest mimics the Academy Awards, however, maybe it’s appropriate that the weirdest movie of the year not win the Weirdest Picture award, since the best movie of the year rarely wins the Best Picture award). All of the categories are still competitive except Weirdest Actor, where Denis Lavant’s lead is so huge we might as well declare him the victor already. Don’t forget you can also vote for Weirdest Short Film of 2012 (we’ve embedded all ten nominees).

Speaking of the Academy Awards and weird short films, a strange little Belgian movie called “Death of a Shadow “—about a soul who uses a magic camera to collects shadows of people at the moment of their death—somehow made it into the Oscar short film short list, giving us occasion to do a writeup on “Oscar Nominated Short Films” (the shorts collection is now touring major theaters in the U.S. for the second year). We’ll also delve into the reader-suggested review queue for a look at the absurdly shocking nude kill-fest Bloodsucking Freaks (1978), as well as scope out Criterion’s newly released version of the classic anti-Nazi magical realist satire The Tin Drum (with 20 minutes of never-before seen footage). Alfred will also finish up his coverage of forgotten silent clown  with The Strong Man (1926), in which the child-man hero is pressed into duty as the titular circus attraction. And of course, Weirdcademy Awards voting closes this Sunday the 24th, so we’ll be announcing the winners, thus making the televised Oscars obsolete.

It’s a scattershot bunch of search terms we had to wade through this week looking for our Weirdest Search Term of the Week, but although there were no spectacular entries we did find evidence of some strange folk out there in Googleland. First off is the guy looking for “accordion nude,” which we have to admit is one of the tamer fetishes we encounter (there is so much sick stuff out there we dare not print in this space…) Upping the ante a bit, we get “comedy semen explosion” (although we would like to suggest semen explosion is a serious matter and nothing to laugh at). Moving away from the sickos: we get lots of requests to find weird movies based on people’s sketchy memories, and in many cases there’s not much to go on. We think the following search probably takes the cake for vagueness, however: “whats the name of the movie with two people moving around.” If you have a guess, leave it in the comments below! This week, however, we”ll award Weirdest Search Term of the Week to the phrase the mystified us the most: “blue kitty mouth zoom eating the camera.”  Blue kitty? Mouth zoom? Eating the camera? Each of those elements is weird enough on their own, but put them all together and you’re looking at something monumentally nonsensical.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue now stands: Bloodsucking Freaks (next week!); The Tin Drum (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review); “Foutaises”; Dogville; Julien Donkey-boy; Amelie; The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

You have two weeks left to vote in the 2012 Weirdcademy Awards. Right now, Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie is still leading the race for Weirdest Picture, despite our staff’s firm refusal to endorse the cult comedy duo’s feature debut as an exemplary weird movie. Denis Lavant continues to kill in the Weirdest Actor category for his 12-part performance as “Mr. Oscar” in Holy Motors, and Quvenzhané Wallis leads for Weirdest Actress for her performance as Hushpuppy in Beasts of the Southern Wild. The tightest race is in Weirdest Scene, where the accordion concerto from Holy Motors and Tim & Eric’s “Shrim” advertisement are running neck and neck.

Meanwhile, people are continuing to avoid voting in our Weirdest Short competition, despite the fact that we’ve embedded all ten of the nominees for ease of viewing. We figured it out—next year, we’ll narrow the field down to only five entries, so it’s less of a time commitment for you guys to check out the films. Our bad. Still, we encourage you to check out some great professional quality weird films and to vote in the competition.

In terms of new movie reviews, next week you can check out King King Lives (1986), the bizarrely bad and belated sequel to the already pretty darn awful 1976 giant ape reboot. We’ll dig into the reader-suggested review queue for a look at the druggy caper comedy Weirdsville (2007) and our official take on the sexy Czech awakening-to-womanhood dream Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (1970). To top off the week Alfred checks out the silent clown s shorts (uh, his short films, that is).

We’ll devote this installment of Weirdest Search Terms of the Week entirely to the deranged porn searchers looking for erotica so specialized that it amazes even us (we’re excluding the people looking for info on “horny cats” and “lactating beer movie” for being too normal). Our first nominee is “youtube pigmy lingerie films erotic” (can you imagine unerotic pigmy lingerie films?) If that request doesn’t strike you as quite that weird, then how about “movie hot parody orgy snake forced” (sounds pretty sick, until you consider that the searcher is looking for a parody of hot forced snake orgy movies). If you still consider this search in the range of normal human sexual curiosity, then how about our Weirdest Search Term of the Week, “video porn angelic girl makes a straw with his feet to his friend”? We thought as much.

Here’s the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue: Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (next week!); Weirdsville (next week); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society (official review); “Foutaises”; Bloodsucking Freaks; Dogville; Julien Donkey-boy; Amelie; The 7 Faces of Dr. Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE