Don’t forget to vote for the 2012 Weidcademy Awards, and for the Weirdest Short Film of 2012! Currently, “Solipsist” is running away with the Weirdest Short competition, Holy Motors leads for Weirdest Picture and Weirdest Actor (Denis Lavant), Quvenzhané Wallis is out-cuting the Weirdest Actress field, and there is an extremely tight three-way race for Weirdest Scene of 2012 between Holy Motors‘ accordion intermission, Beasts of the Southern Wild‘s oil rig brothel visit, and the Shrimverstisement from Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie. Polls stay open until Feb. 24 so there’s still plenty of time to influence the results!
We promised we would be digging into the long-neglected reader-suggested review queue when January rolled around, and we’re finally making good on that promise this week with a trio of reviews, as we delve into the insanity of Wojciech Has‘ The Hour-glass Sanatorium, take a last look at Robert Fuest‘s culty sci-fi effort The Final Programme [AKA The Last Days of Man on Earth], and decide whether to prove or disprove Pier Paolo Pasolini’s existential Teorema. Meanwhile, Alfred finishes up his Charlie Chaplin coverage (for now) with a piece on the Tramp’s early feature, The Kid (1921).
Every week as we search our server logs looking for our Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we notice We see a large number of movie searches from people who are too shy to post a “what was that weird movie?” query onsite: people looking for things like “movie witch makes porn bakery,” “old french naughty vegetables movies,” and “documentary geriatric incestuous hillbillies.” While we don’t have any titles for any of those (rightful) obscure films, we do have a suggestion for the person who asked “whats the movies name where a girl has a penis for a face” (our guess: “Nonexistent Movie”). But our Weirdest Search Term of the Week winner wasn’t movie related at all; we chose the mysterious “1 old man person bath and thinking something.” I’ll be retiring to the bathtub to soak and think about what that bizarre query could possibly refer to.
Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: The Hour-glass Sanatorium [Saanatorium pod klepsidra] (next week!); Final Programme (next week!); Teorema (next week!); Liquid Sky (re-review); Society;“Foutaises”; Bloodsucking Freaks; Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (official review); Dogville; Julien Donkey-boy; Amelie; The 7 Faces of Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
We start out this week’s edition of “What’s in the Pipeline” with a Shameless Plug: Episode 1 of the family friendly horror-comedy web-series “Creeporia” (co-produced by Fringe Cineaste Alfred Eaker) is up for a special preview, for three days only. For $2.99 you get a 24-hour rental of what’s described as “50 minutes of weird, bizarre and occasionally funny entertainment…” Click here to check her out!
As far as what we’ll be doing around here next week: well, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ve noticed that they released the Academy Awards nominees for 2012’s movies. You also probably noticed that Doggiewoggiez! Poochiewoochiez! was snubbed for Best Picture (it didn’t even get a Best Editing nomination!) To rectify that and other Academy omissions (no Best Actor nomination for Denis Lavant for playing a fashion model-abducting leprechaun and nine other roles in Holy Motors?), we’ll be bringing you the 3rd Annual Weirdcademy Awards—where you, the proud weirdos of the world, pick the winners! We’ll also discuss the strange sexual subtexts of John Ford’s 7 Women (1966), Alfred will finish off his review of Chaplin‘s tenure at First National, and we’ll go crazy for Ken Russell‘s maniacal musical comedy Lisztomania (1975).
Every week, fetish porn searchers dominate our Weirdest Search Term of the Week contest, usually polluting our server logs with depraved queries that can’t be reprinted on a family website like this one. This week, however, we found the horny surfers were curiously tamer than usual. Take, for example, the guy who, tired of all the fancy gestures that usually dominate the genre, went looking for “plain lesbian incest movies.” That fellow may have wanted to tone things down in the lesbian incest field, but we noticed another searcher with an even rarer (and tamer) fetish: “nose, his mouth was empty porn movie.” The search for “a movie about a girl who poses like people” will undoubtedly outrage the Girls Are People Too! crowd. Our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, however, has a classically bizarre simplicity that tickles our sensibilities: someone went looking for information on “mermaid spit.” Sometimes it’s the simplest searches that are the weirdest.
Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue stands: The Hour-glass Sanatorium [Saanatorium pod klepsidra]; Liquid Sky (re-review); Society; Final Programme; “Foutaises”; Bloodsucking Freaks; Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (official review); Dogville; Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
We’re slipping into 2013 slowly and casually. We’ll start off the week with a detailed reader review of the nutty Spanish sci-fi/horror hybrid Horror Express (1972); we’ll also take a dip into that long-neglected reader suggested review queue for a look at David Lynch‘s noirish 1997 identity parable, Lost Highway. Since it’s the only official awards we participate in, we’ll also take time out to report on the winners of the 2012 Online Film Critic’s Society Awards (nominees here), and Alfred will continue delving into his massive archives of Charlie Chaplin material to discuss the Tramp’s time at First National Studios.
It was another thin week for weird search terms, but as always we will take the oddest queries we discover in our server logs and present them to you in a little segment we like to call “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week.” In the holiday leftovers category comes the search for “old christmas movies with midgets dressed like pigs.” On a less seasonal and more universal note, another searcher asks the eternal question, “what causes dizzles all the time?” As usual, it was the horny pron searchers who sought out the most bizarre Internet documents. Typically these guys’ queries are too obscene to reprint in a family website like this one, but thanks to some creatively deranged spelling we’re able to bring you “people nuding songing when the laidy suking the willy and the mad suking bubbs youtube vidos” as our Weirdest Search Term of the Week.
Although Morgan will be outraged that we’ve passed over The Hourglass Sanitorium once again (sorry!), we nonetheless present the current state of our ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue: Lost Highway (next week!); The Hour-glass Sanatorium [Saanatorium pod klepsidra]; Liquid Sky (re-review); Society; Final Programme; “Foutaises”; Bloodsucking Freaks; Valerie and Her Week of Wonders (official review); Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
A few notes: #1, we are planning to focus harder on covering reader suggestions and new releases in the coming weeks.
Also, note two category name changes. We changed the generic “Weird Movies” to “Certified Weird (The List).” (That should help with branding). Second, we decided the name “Borderline Weird” was highly misleading; the entries in that category are not marginal in their weirdness, but are actually movies that impressed us in some way with their weirdness but weren’t strong enough to make it on the List on the first ballot. That category has been renamed with the more accurate title “List Candidates.” The designation “Borderline Weird” will remain on old reviews until we get around to renaming everything, but at least it’s a start towards better clarity and organization.
Upcoming reviews next week include a guest review by The Cinematheque‘s Kevyn Knox of the camp western classic Johnny Guitar (1954). We’ll tackle the following new releases: the offbeat legal thriller Order of Chaos (2010); the 2010 remake of Nightmare on Elm Street; and Werner Herzog’s spin on the Bad Lieutenant archetype, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (2009), starring a gonzo Nic Cage. Off the reader-suggested review queue, we’ll take a whack at screenwriter Charlie Kaufman‘s impressive debut Being John Malkovich (1999). Add in a review of Tim Burton‘s glorious Ed Wood (1994) and you’ve got another week of weirdness.
There weren’t too many candidates in weird search terms used to locate the site this week, but for the most bizarre one we’ll settle on “knotholes greased up with lard,” even though that search returns a legitimate result on the site.
Here’s the reader-suggested review queue:Trash Humpers (still waiting for the DVD); Mary and Max (later today); Being John Malkovich (next week); The Science of Sleep; The Attic Expeditions; After Last Season; Getting Any?; Performance; The Apple; Arizona Dream; Songs From The Second Floor; Singapore Sling; Alice [Neco z Alenky]; Necromentia; Hour of the Wolf; MirrorMask; Possession; Suspiria; Wild Zero; 4; Nothing (2003); The Peanut Butter Solution; Ninja Scroll; Perfume: The Story of a Murderer; Faust; Sublime; Battle Royale; Pink Floyd: The Wall; Escanaba In Da Moonlight; Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter; Zardoz; The Films of Suzan Pitt; Toto the Hero [Toto le Héros]; Paprika; The Holy Mountain; Brazil; The Casserole Masters; Dark Crystal; Throw Away Your Books, Rally in the Streets; The Nines; The Pillow Book; Final Flesh; Lunacy [Sílení]; Inmortel; Tetsuo; Dead Ringers; Kairo [AKA Pulse]; The Guatemalan Handshake; Dead Leaves; The Seventh Seal; Primer; Maniac (1934); Hausu; A Boy and His Dog; 200 Motels; Private Parts (1972); Saddest Music in the World; Mulholland Drive; The American Astronaut; Blood Tea and Red Strings; The Films of Kenneth Anger, Vol. II (for Lucifer Rising, among others); Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory ; The Bride of Frank; La Grande Bouffe; Uzumaki [Spiral]; Hedwig and the Angry Inch; Even Dwarves Started Small; Bunny & the Bull; “I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at Disney” (assuming I can find it); Cinema 16: European Short Films; Freaked; Session 9; Schizopolis; Strings; Dellamorte Dellamore [AKA Cemetery Man]; The Hour-glass Sanatorium [Saanatorium pod klepsidra]; The Addiction; Liquid Sky; The Quiet; Shock Treatment; Tuvalu; “Zombie Jesus” (if we can locate it); 3 Dev Adam; Fantastic Planet; “Twin Peaks” (TV series); Society; May; The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension; Little Otik; Final Programme; Careful; Sweet Movie; The Triplets of Belleville; “Foutaises” (short); Johnny Suede; “Jam” (TV, UK, 2000), The Tale of the Floating World, Un Chien Andalou, Bloodsucking Freaks; Fellini Satyricon; Three Crowns of the Sailor; 8 1/2; Death Race 2000; Dororo; Lost Highway; Valerie and Her Week of Wonders; Dogville; and Julien Donkey-boy; Amelie; The Ten; The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao; 1; Fast, Cheap and Out of Control; Tokyo Gore Police; At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul; The Trial [Le procès) (1962); Marquis; Hell Comes to Frogtown; Hellzapoppin’; Seom [The Isle]; Allegro Non Troppo; Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus; Lust in the Dust; Celine and Julie Go Boating; “Franz Kafka’s It’s a Wonderful Life;” The Magic Christian; Black Cat, White Cat; The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T; Abnormal: The Sinema of Nick Zedd; Robot Monster; Nightdreams; 3 Women; Rubin & Ed; Teeth; Vera; Weirdsville; Prospero’s Books; Inferno; Garden State; Persona; and The Real McCoy; Rat Pfink a Boo Boo; Themroc; Candy (1968); Run Lola Run; Pink Flamingos; Buffalo ’66; Northfork; Weekend; The Room; Glen or Glenda?; Night of the Hunter; The Fox Family; Midnight Skater; Angelus; Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs; Twister (1989); Yokai Monsters, Vol. 1: Spook Warfare [AKA Big Monster War]; Haxan; This Filthy Earth; Conspirators of Pleasure; Piano Tuner of Earthquakes; Clean, Shaven; Bubba Ho-Tep; Sheitan; Innocence; “Chingsao the Clown”; Léolo; 2001: A Space Odyssey; Blue Velvet; ID (2005); Master of the Flying Guillotine; Yesterday Was a Lie; The Ninth Configuration; Forbidden Zone; The Cell; The Illustrated Man; The Man Who Fell to Earth; Fando y Lis; Rampo Noir; Head; Christmas on Mars; “Broken Glass”; and Videodrome.
Next week you can expect to see reviews of Cat People (the 1982 remake), the overlooked biopic Bronson (a heavily stylized account of Britain’s most violent prisoner), and, from out of the reader-suggested review queue, the Roman Polanski absurdist sex-comedy (!) What (Diary of Forbidden Dreams) [Che?]. Add in another B-western review from Alfred Eaker and you have a week!
It was a poor week for weird search terms. Did the people searching for bizarre insect porn and Napoleon riding cults take the week off? But we found that “vega sex capsule man” (the worst superhero ever?) had a certain weird ring to it. Honorable mention to the guy looking for “zex in zex movies.”
Here’s how the reader-suggested review queue stands: What? (Diary of Forbidden Dreams) (next week); Xtro; Basket Case; Suicide Club; O Lucky Man!; Trash Humpers (when/if released); Gozu; Tales of Ordinary Madness; The Wayward Cloud; Kwaidan; Six-String Samurai; Andy Warhol’s Trash; Altered States; Memento; Nightmare Before Christmas/Vincent/Frankenweenie; The Science of Sleep; The Attic Expeditions; After Last Season; Getting Any?; Performance; Being John Malkovich; The Apple; Southland Tales; Arizona Dream; Spider (2002); Songs From The Second Floor; Singapore Sling; Alice [Neco z Alenky]; Necromania (1971, Ed Wood); Hour of the Wolf; MirrorMask; Possession; Suspiria; Mary and Max; Wild Zero; 4; Nothing (2003); The Peanut Butter Solution; Ninja Scroll; Perfume: The Story of a Murderer; Danger: Diabolik; Faust; Sublime; Battle Royale; Pink Floyd: The Wall; Escanaba In Da Moonlight; Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter; Zardoz; The Films of Suzan Pitt; Toto the Hero [Toto le Héros]; Paprika; The Holy Mountain; Brazil; The Casserole Masters; Dark Crystal; Throw Away Your Books, Rally in the Streets; The Nines; 964 Pinocchio; The Pillow Book; Final Flesh; Lunacy [Sílení]; Inmortel; Tetsuo; Dead Ringers; Kairo [AKA Pulse]; The Guatemalan Handshake; Dead Leaves; Frownland; The Seventh Seal; Taxidermia; Primer; Maniac (1934); Hausu; A Boy and His Dog; 200 Motels; Walkabout; Private Parts (1972); Possession; Saddest Music in the World; Mulholland Drive; The American Astronaut; Blood Tea and Red Strings; Malice in Wonderland; The Films of Kenneth Anger, Vol. II (for Lucifer Rising, among others); The Human Centipede (First Sequence); Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory ; The Bride of Frank; La Grande Bouffe; Uzumaki [Spiral]; and Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
In other news, we added a slight update to Steppenwolf‘s Certified Weird entry after discovering this informative 2000 article from The Guardian about colorful co-producer Melvin Abner, whose idea of movie pre-production involved dropping acid with Timothy Leary!