Category Archives: Pipelines (Archived)

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 8 more movies left to Certify Weird! Feel free to leave your guesses on the remaining choices in the comments.

Next week, Alfred Eaker goes back to the theater to check out the impressionistic Vincent Van Gogh flick, At Eternity’s Gate. In honor of the first snowfall of the season, Giles Edwards will preview the German meta-mindbender Snowflake (due out on home video in two weeks). And G. Smalley reviews the new release of Asia Argento’s nutty, trashy pseduo-autobiography Scarlet Diva (2001), then takes a second pass at ‘s swan song, That Obscure Object of Desire.

It’s time once more for our weekly survey of the weirdest search terms that brought people to the site this week. Weird search terms are pouring in once more, but we’re seeing more volume than bizarre quality. Weirdly conceived porn searches are always a fertile form of strange search, as we saw with “kinki bitch slap,” “sexy porn william balair phone number,” and “ok ru mom movie.com.” Among the searches for weird movies we’d like to track down and see someday were “movie where man starts growing grass on himself” and “weird movie about a depressed person and a glowing turtle.” This category is also where we saw our officially Weirdest Search Term of the Week, the disturbing “at end of the movie motorcycle bust into house and rapes lady.” We’ve heard of vehicular assault, but this is the first case of vehicular sexual assault we’ve encountered.

And finally, it’s time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 9 (!) movies left to Certify Weird…

If you like, you can speculate on which movies will be in that final group in the comments. Even though things could technically change, we have a pretty firm idea of what the finalists will be. Hint: 6 have been covered on here previously, three are totally new.

Next week, we’ll pay a mini-tribute a true legend of gonzo cinema. But first, Alfred Eaker checks in with a release that’s so rare no one else here had even heard of it… Dracula in Pakistan (1967). Then: you know him as a sorta vampire… a pair of twin screenwriters… a small-time crook and would-be Elvis impersonator… that’s right, it’s , the man who makes scenery-chewing a gourmet experience. This week you can catch him as a bee-stung detective in 2006’s Wicker Man, a homicidal pop in 2017’s Mom and Dad, and a vengeful lumberjack-on-acid in Mandy. We couldn’t finish the List without devoting a tribute week to the screen’s living legend of weirdness!

That’s a pretty weird lineup of films. Can our Google searchers keep pace with equally strange search terms they used to locate 366 Weird Movies this week? Sadly, the answer is “no.” Instead, they come up with searches like “boy falls in love with girl and becomes aware of reality and can see color movie” (sure, Nic Cage could play that scenario crazy—“oh no, not the colors!”—but besides that, it’s pretty ordinary). Our next candidate, “alien women seduce men and kill them because it’s cold,” features an odd motivation for murder, but barely nudges the ol’ weirdometer. For an official Weirdest Search Term of the Week we’re forced to go with “braziers exxt… movies.com”. It gets points for spelling what we assume was meant to be “X” or “XXX” phonetically (“exxt”), and for throwing in an unnecessary ellipsis. But, we know you guys can do better next week. Maybe drink more cough syrup before you start searching?

And finally, it’s time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only ten (!) more movies to Certify Weird!

With the dawn of November, we turn our attention to catching you up on what’s been going down in weirdness circa 2018. First, Alfred Eaker reports on film critic/author ‘s newest book, “The Weirdest Movie Ever Made” (we can guarantee you will not guess the subject beforehand). Then G. Smalley looks at a trio of new releases: Zama, which is sort of like “Waiting for Godot” in colonial South America; Luca Guadagnino‘s long-awaited Suspiria remake; and answers the call to view the home video release of ‘s strange telemarketing satire, Sorry to Bother You. It’s not too early to start making that X-mas list for the weirdos in your life…

It’s time once again to mine Google data for the weirdest searches that brought traffic to the site this week. We’ll start with “movie featuring a man with a gun that could skeletonize victims,” a search that’s only slightly odd, but gets bonus points for coining the very descriptive word “skeletonize.” And how about “old horror where girl gets burnt with iron and cloned with skipping rope,” which starts out fairly normal, then gets strange fast. But our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week comes from the string-random-nouns-together school of searching: “amazing stange rope police vice spider vegas.” We would love to see a Vegas-set vice squad procedural about a spider and an amazing strange (or even a stange) rope!

And finally, it’s time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Sangre (depending on availability); Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 11 more movies to Certify Weird!

For Halloween week, Alfred Eaker will give us a little history lesson on The Golem (1920) and Frankenstein (1931). Then, Pete Trbovich grits his teeth and takes on The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994), while Shane Wilson draws a cushier assignment with ‘s “Tokyo Vampire Hotel” (TV miniseries version). And, as November dawns, why not take another look at November? It’s up to you to figure out what’s a treat and what’s a trick.

Now is the time when we highlight the weirdest search terms that brought visitors to the site this week, in a feature we call “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week.” Our first contestant is the confusing “possessing all exclusive possessions image.” We just flat out can’t figure out what information that searcher is looking for. More amusing is “Bat boy bubby full movei”; just imagine this movie starring this guy. For our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we picked “WEIRDEST DON’T LOOK NOWFILM ERASERHARD 1001.” “Eraserhard” gets our vote for least likely porn parody ever; bonus points for use of all caps and throwing in a meaningless number at the end.

And now, it’s time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: The Golem (next week!); Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 12 more movies to Certify Weird!

Next week, Alfred Eaker starts us off with Peter Lorre’s only directorial effort, the sadly overlooked (and aptly named) Der Verlorene (The Lost One) (1951). After that, things get pre-Halloweeny, as Pete Trbovich brings us the wild Mystics in Bali (our first official Indonesian film!). G. Smalley looks at ‘s breakthrough cult hit, the sadistic samurai flick Ichi the Killer (2001), and then takes a seasonal second look at the lunatic mash, Lunacy. Trick or treaters should get several costume ideas from this week’s lineup (and mad respect if you can pull off a Penanggalan costume).

We have seen a huge uptick in visible search terms in the last month; yet, ironically, as the number of candidates increases, the weirdness of the individual terms themselves seems to be decreasing. For example, one of the strangest terms we saw was “movie had a character with a little arm”: maybe odd, depending on the visual that comes to your mind, but nothing fancy. Similar in stretched semi-weirdness is “movie underground touching disease.” For an official choice for Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we’ll select “stop motion animation about a fay overweight girl discarding off her skin.” Nothing especially strange, but we’re cautiously optimistic that things are going to get weirder in coming weeks. Weirdos, to your search stations!

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Mystics in Bali (next week!); Ichi the Killer (next week!); Genius Party; The Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 13 more movies left to Certify Weird!

Next week Alfred Eaker starts off our coverage with ‘s bafflingly bad duo of Western horrors, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter. Pete Trbovich keeps it out west with the reader-suggested Cannibal! The Musical, until Giles Edwards whisks us to 18th century France to investigate rumors of werewolves in Brotherhood of the Wolf (also reader-suggested). Then, it’s off to Japan with G. Smalley for a look at ‘s brilliantly bizarre dream hijack of a popular anime comedy: Urusei Yatsura 2: Beautiful Dreamer.

Weird search terms are back! For whatever reason (perhaps you guys figured out how to turn off your privacy filters, as we requested) we are now able to see between five and ten percent of all searches (rather than the one percent we were seeing a couple of weeks ago). Although this only gives us a hundred or so search strings to examine—meaning that there’s still quite a lot of weird searches out there hidden from our eyes—we at least have enough material to highlight some for your amusement. For example, there’s “i remember two kids finding a necklace and they end up at a castle with really big furniture! they find a creature and it rides in the backpack,” which sounds like a cool experience—someone should make a movie out of it. Then there’s the startling “movie milk cat to stay alive” (we hope it never comes to that). Our official Weirdest (and Yuckiest) Search Term of the Week, however, is “movie scene where a knight has sex with a dead woman hanging on a door.” We suspect that’s a real movie—maybe it’s from the necrophilia porn parody of the Seventh Seal?

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Cannibal! the Musical (next week!); Brotherhood of the Wolf (next week!); Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Only 14 movies left to Certify Weird!

As far as next week’s reviews go: we’re expecting a Halloween surprise (trick, or treat?) from Alfred Eaker. Then, it’s on to a couple of low-budget new releases featuring young female protagonists, as Giles Edwards looks at the convent-based horror The Book of Birdie while G. Smalley tackles the post-apocalyptic Molly. We’ll wrap up our reviews by revisiting ‘s theoretical Teorema.

Good news and bad news on the weird search term front. The good news is that, for unknown reasons, we saw a huge increase in the number of search terms visible to us (about 100 to pick from). The bad news is that about 50 or more of the searches were some variation of “free incest movie.” (We get the feeling these guys are going to be seriously disappointed by Fire Walk with Me and Society.) Probably the weirdest of that category was the search for “ok ru incest movies.” (C’mon, you may be a disgusting pervert, but set your sights higher than just “ok”!) In non-incest related perversion, the wrongest weirdest we saw was “School girlss xxx rape rageing forest movi.Com” (which, except for the “xxx,” might be a search for this one with a senseless “.Com” stuck on at the end). The upshot is, this is another week where we will not be awarding an official Weirdest Search Term of the Week; but there is hope that, if these numbers of visible searches keep up, we’ll be back on target soon.

Time for our weekly cut n’ paste disclaimer regarding the reader-suggested review queue below: since we will definitely not be getting to all of these (although we will pick out the occasional title), you can consider this a list of “honorable mentions” for your own perusal and amusement. That out of the way, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Genius Party; The Idiots; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); The Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE