Category Archives: Pipelines (Archived)

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week, Alfred Eaker starts a (very short) miniseries titled “Stocking Coal,” debuting with Kirk Cameron’s atrocious Saving Christmas and the unconventional holiday choice, Ron Ormond’s Burning Hell. To some extent, that could describe the theme of the entire week, since we’ll also be bringing you grimy coverage of Carl Andersen’s (deliberately) amateurish and hard-to-watch efforts Vampiros Sexos and Mondo Weirdo, the highly uncomfortable 2017 black comedy Lemon, and, to cap it all off, the bizarre and nightmare-inducing 1959 Mexican reinvention of Santa Claus. If you’re cinephilia runs to the masochistic side, 366 Weird Movies will give you what you need this season.

How will the repeal of net neutrality effect our once-thriving feature, “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week”? If this week’s entries are any indication, badly. Perhaps people are scaling back, anticipating that Google will soon be charging more for completely insane searches? At any rate, here’s what we caught in our logs. “www.neket movi.com” is just kind of pathetic (at least search for “nekkid movie,” guy). Somewhat weirder and more ambitious is the search for a “manuscript ninja sex video” (manuscript ninjas, or course, are known to be the sexiest ninjas). For our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we’ll take “366 squirrel war movies.” We’ve seen a large number of squirrel war movies and, frankly, we think their going to have trouble coming up with more than 150 titles; but we’re happy that we’ve inspired others to come up with (extremely specific) lists of 366 movies.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue now stands: Santa Claus (1959) (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

It’s more 2017 releases here at 366 next week, although Alfred Eaker, of course, bucks the trend with the astounding 1978 television KISSploitation flick KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park. Back in 2017, Rafael Moreira takes a look at an odd bird, The Ornithologist (a surreal retelling of the life of St. Anthony as a birdwatcher lost in the Portuguese wilderness), while El Rob Hubbard brings you the report you’ve been waiting a quarter of a century for: Season 3 of “Twin Peaks,” the “pure heroin version of .” That, along with the 2017 Criterion Collection release of the film, gives us an excuse to revisit the Peaks prequel Fire Walk with Me. All this, plus G. Smalley‘s recipe for David Lynch eggnog (a carton of grocery store eggnog, a pint of Old Forrester bourbon, sprinkle liberally with nutmeg and powdered psilocybin mushrooms, garnish with a cocktail onion, and serve in a coffee cup after it’s been stirred by a one-armed man).

Speaking of things that make you wonder if you’re hallucinating, it’s time once again for us to survey the strangest searches that brought visitors to 366 Weird Movies this week, a long-running feature we call “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week.” Up first is a query that was fairly normal up until the searcher added that final weird word: “movie plot indie fil man brings together girl and guy who raped her in high school milimeter.” We also noted a search for an entire movie genre we had no idea existed: “ladyboy vs doctor thriller movies.” But sometimes, the Weirdest Search Term of the Week comes down to simple formatting issues, as is the case with this week’s winner, “www… b razzar…zex…video.” If you’re looking for bizarre sex videos, just come right out and say so. Google don’t care, and the ellipses and misspellings won’t help you none.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-ever-growing reader-suggested review queue now stands: One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); The Annunciation (1984); Bad Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week, Alfred Eaker introduces you to the oddity of The Conqueror, the 1956 RKO flop notable for two things: the incredible miscasting of as Genghis Khan, and the fact that a statistically-unlikely number its cast and crew died of cancer after filming at a site used for nuclear weapons tests. Then we move into our 2017 release wrap-up as Giles Edwards reviews the Criterion Collection edition of ‘s solo directing debut, 1977’s Jabberwocky, while G. Smalley brings two items to your attention: BBC America’s television adaptation of Douglas Adams’ cult novel series “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency,” and the new release of ‘s long out-of-print 1968 poultry-farming giallo Death Laid an Egg. There’s plenty to catch up on this week as you gear up for the holidays.

People search for bizzare and depraved things on the Internet, and they often come here looking for them (usually by mistake). Every week we highlight the strangest queries we see, in a running feature we call “Weirdest Search Term of the Week.” This week we start off with “woman cuts hole in propane tank climbs in and finds odd creatures, it was a movie,” which we only find weird because the searcher specified they were looking for a movie about finding odd creatures in a propane tank—as opposed to, we suppose, a news story about finding odd creatures in a propane tank. Next comes a perfect example of a type of weird search we see over and over: “jav villges wief sex story movies.com.” English-as-a-second-language spelling: check. Extremely specific erotic scenario: check. Senselessly placing “.com” at the end of the search: check. A classic example of the genre. But for our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we’ll go with “lady helipilot forced for sex with her villon but she was try to kill him in knife in english movie.” Perfectly deranged; all it’s missing is the “.com” at the end.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Jabberwocky (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); The Annunciation (1984); Bad Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

As December comes, we’ll be focusing on covering 2017’s new releases. Of course Alfred Eaker will be going his own weird way, choosing instead to reports on two “jaw-dropping” late 60s trifles. Also, “new” releases don’t always mean “2017” movies, as we’ll review a couple of Blu-rays fresh from the Land of the Rising Sun: ‘s cybernetic 2004 sequel Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence and Funeral Parade of Roses, the 1969 psychedelic experiment starring real drag queens in a melodrama of betrayed love, shocking violence, and pot-fueled orgies. In fact, the only movie we’ll mention next week that technically bears a 2017 label is ‘s metaphysical mystery Slack Bay, courtesy of the on-point Shane Wilson. Expect a similarly eclectic schedule throughout the month, with a holiday-themed surprise or two.

We always find surprises in our stats, which is why every week we bring you our list of the Weirdest Search Terms used to locate the site. We’ll start with the insistent “horror explicit hard core porn xxx xxx xxx xxx.” Triple-X flicks just aren’t hardcore enough for this jaded fellow, who needs dodecal-X rated porn just to get a rise these days. Maybe he would like some “asian skul garl fadar affair porn movies”? But enough of perverts with poor grammar; our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week was “movie where guy steals a girl to marry her jesus.” Props for making us wonder—why does the girl have her own personal Jesus? And why didn’t the guy just steal Jesus directly?

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-still-growing reader-suggested review queue now stands: Funeral Parade of Roses (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

What we’re thankful for next week: Alfred Eaker is thankful for the mirrored climax of The Lady from Shanghai; Giles Edwards is thankful he’s not a character in ‘s rape-centered morality play The Baby of Mâcon; G. Smalley is thankful for the nearly incomprehensible plot (and title) of the subirban teen satire The Chumscrubber; and Pete Trbovich is thankful for a second chance to listen to The Abominable Dr. Phibes‘ Clockwork Orchestra.

Normally, we’d be thankful for all the strange searches that we see in our weekly quest to find the Weirdest Search Terms of the Week, but we have to admit we’re a bit offended by registering a hit for “disgusting movie list the holy mountain” (neither the List nor Mountain are “disgusting,” fella). We are thankful, we suppose, to still be registering hits for our old friend “friends boring strangers” after all these years (and we’re not the only ones…) Although this week was light in terms of genuinely bizarre searches, we’re still thankful that we can name “www.lola boy an girl iwank.com” as our Weirdest Search Term of the Week. (That domain is still unregistered, by the way).

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-still-growing reader-suggested review queue now stands: Baby of Macon (next week!); The Chumscrubber (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); The Annunciation (1984); Funeral Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week begins with Alfred Eaker bringing the downbeat, underssen BBC biopic Love is the Devil: Study for a Portrait of Francis Bacon to your attention. Pete Trbovich then dives into the reader-suggested review queue for a look at a lighter, dumber offering: Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies. Finally, G. Smalley finishes off the week coverage of Kiki’s Delivery Service (for completists) and our first look at ‘ highly-anticipated The Killing of a Sacred Deer (now in select theaters). That should keep you occupied, as we prepare the holidays and the year-end critics’ crunch…

Now it’s time for our weekly survey of weird search terms that brought visitors to the site, a feature we quite logically call “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week.” First up is the request for “the movie where its narrated by a cat who is a person who lives with awoman with afringe”—sorry, no clue on that one. Next we noted “drawing palace bestiality” (yuck, probably) and “russian teens low bird” (???). For our official choice for Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we’ll go with the Shakespearean voyeurism of “watcheth the mother from the under table.” It’s sort of sounds like an episode of “if 17th century Puritans had Google…”

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-still-growing reader-suggested review queue now stands: Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); The Annunciation (1984); Funeral Parade of Roses; Bad Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week starts with Alfred Eaker on the Blade Runner series, discussing both s 1982 cult original and Certified Weird director s atmospheric 2017 sequel, Blade Runner 2049. Next up, we dive into the reader-suggested review queue  as Simon Hyslop looks at the 1988 fever-fantasy Paperhouse and G. Smalley tackles the arthouse doppelganger drama The Double Life of Veronique. We’ll end the week’s reviews with a look at the new Love Witch disc.

Ah, the weird searches that bring people to the site! They are so odd that we collect the weirdest for you each week and feature them in this column, which we refer to as “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week.” Sometimes, they are short and obvious, but still strange: e.g., “mutated vagina.” Sometimes they are short, and obscure: “old man 2102” (what information could the searcher possibly be looking for?) And oftentimes, they only appear weird because of punctuation/spelling/grammar, a prime example being “race horse porn film or rock band”: it makes us think the searcher is looking for pages describing either an adult film featuring racehorses, or something about any rock band, and isn’t particular which set of results come up.  For our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we’ll go with the incomprehensible “college girl inherts a madison from lady gravage movie.” We could have overlooked the madison/mansion typo, but who in the world is Lady Gravage?

Here’s how the ridiculously-long-and-still-growing reader-suggested review queue now stands: Paperhouse (next week!); The Double Life of Veronique (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

We’re gonna make it kind of spooky next week as Halloween dawns, starting with Alfred Eaker‘s take on the Puritan horror of The Witch (plus maybe a bonus film). G. Smalley chips in with reviews of Dario Argento‘s psychic insect horror Phenomena (1985), then breaks the tension with ‘s 2007 quirkfest The Darjeeling Limited. Alex Kittle brings us back on point with a look at the Criterion Collection’s release of the mermaid horror-musical The Lure. Be sure to take all your meds before reading these pages next week, things will get weird.

Things were weird last week, too—heck, things are weird here every week. To prove it, we bring you a weekly survey of Weirdest Search Terms that brought visitors to the site. This week we noticed “barazil sax dabal move donlowd.” The guy probably meant to search for “Brazil sex devil movies,” which is only a little less weird than the nonsense he actually ended up typing. More coherent, but no less weird, was the search for “alien movie spits mother head.” For our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week we selected “wife anotherman sex not husband canvas sex videos.” We like the fact that the searcher decided “wife anotherman sex” might not be clear enough so he added “not husband” for clarification, then gave it an additional wrapping of weirdness by further specifying he wanted “canvas sex” (?) videos.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Darjeeling Limited (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); The Annunciation (1984); Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week, Alfred Eaker will bring you something Halloween-y and as yet undetermined. In other mildly-appropriate to the season news, Giles Edwards looks at the experimental documentary Mansfield 66/67 (about blonde bombshell Jayne Mansfield’s flirtation with Anton La Vey’s Church of Satan). Then it’s on to two arthouse classics, as G. Smalley tackles Wim Wenders’ angels-on-Earth experiment Wings of Desire (from the reader-suggested queue) and busy Giles returns to enshrine readers’ choice winner Last Year at Marienbad.

Google was uncharacteristically subdued and normal this week, making it hard for us to pick a Weirdest Search Term of the Week. Nonetheless, we’ll share with you the very slightly bizarre searches we did encounter. First up is “1990s man eats people in his room” (sorry, but we did warn you these queries weren’t going to be that weird). We do wonder whether the searcher was able to come up with ten titles for “top ten italian vintage mature womens sex with mens in animal farm house movies” (he should be happy with one result, we think). In a very slim week for the weird, it’s the noun-salad “womans feet sticking out,morgue, sheet,blob, sand, images” that takes the award for Weirdest Search Term of the Week. Acceptable, but the Googlers out there really need to step up their “crazy” game.

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Wings of Desire (next week!); Last Year in Marienbad (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE

Next week, Alfred Eaker will bring you an early Halloween surprise (treat, not trick, we promise). Then we’ll tackle a couple of new releases with a dive into “Martin Scorsese’s World Cinema Project, Vol. 2” set (featuring ‘ s debut film, the “exquisite corpse” documentary Mysterious Object at Noon, along with a number of rarities). Also up for review: ‘s Tag (not the prolific genre auteur’s latest, but his most recent work you can catch on Netflix). Finally, we’ll begin to honor readers’ demands with a writeup of the recent poll winner Under the Skin (previously candidated by Alex Kittle).

It’s time once more for our survey of the weirdest search terms that brought visitors to the site last week. First up is a classic example of what’s quickly becoming our favorite misspelled word leading to unintentionally strange queries: “what is name of movie young boy hide under table and see virgina”? On the other hand, “blood in the drinks machine woman in wheelchair eyes cut out with scissors” is a more macabre species of search. For our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we’ll go with “suggest movie name where a girl walking between the big mouth shaped boobs body women.” Our suggestion? A Nympho in the Valley of the Giant Busty Mutant-Mouth Vixens. (Guys can dream, can’t they?)

Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Tag (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet; Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi); The Annunciation (1984); Funeral Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE