Only 43 more movies to Certify Weird…
Next week’s review slate: Alfred Eaker braves the second entry of Ingmar Bergman‘s “Silence of God” trilogy with the chilly Winter Light (1963). Meanwhile, Shane Wilson investigates the absurd kidnapping farce Avida (2006), G. Smalley fills you in on W.C. Fields’ historical wartime oddity Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941), and Bryan Pike reviews…. a coloring book?
Once again, it’s time for our weekly survey of the weirdest search terms that brought visitors to the site. We’ll begin with the search for an “old movie stars a boy looks like rat who attends college”—maybe the unproduced sequel Ratboy: The College Years? Our next runner-up is the oddly phrased “killed her brother let her eat movie.” (Two obvious questions: did she eat her brother, and if so, who let her?) Our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week is the very specific “whores shooting up meth and getting freaky in macon mo.” Trivia: Wikipedia lists the population of Macon, Mo. as only 5,500 people, so that’s one freaky slice of small town America.
Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: Avida (2006) (next week!); Darc Arc; Genius Party; The Idiots; The Shout; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
Next week, Alfred Eaker branches off from his “spirituality” mini-series with a mini-mini-series as he begins a discussion of Ingmar Bergman‘s “Silence of God” trilogy with a look at the first entry, Through a Glass Darkly. Then,
Last week was not that weird a week in weird search terms, which makes for a weak week in our search for the Weirdest Search Term of the Week. We’re down to “weird film where angels kiss etc” for our honorable mentions (and but for the superfluous “etc,” that wouldn’t even have caught our notice). “vampie hunler caphuled” is only worth a mention due to the outstandingly drunken spelling. Fortunately, we have one legit weird search term in “sex scene lays on a sack rejected” to salvage the week.
Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue stands: Catch-22 (next week!); Darc Arc; Genius Party; The Idiots; The Shout; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; The Godmonster of Indian Flats; I Am Here Now; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Moebius (1996); The Adventures of Picasso; Charly: Dias de Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
Only forty-five more titles to Certify Weird.
Check back later today for the official unveiling of the winners of this year’s Weirdcademy Awards.
Here’s what’s on tap next week: Alfred Eaker‘s contribution will be a mystery, wrapped in a ( Tarkovskian?) enigma. G. Smalley goes to the movies to report on Annihilation (hint: you should see it while you can). El Rob Hubbard catches us up on 2017’s Satanic A Dark Song. And Giles Edwards braves the reader-suggested queue for Peter Greenaway‘s obsessive, 3+ hour experimental mockumentary, The Falls.
The increasing use of privacy settings continues to impede our quest to bring you, the faithful reader, a list of the Weirdest Search Terms of the Week, but here’s what we saw. “girl gets dress bitten off by snake and says how expensive it was then gets eaten” probably describes a real movie; yet somehow, the query comes across as a little weird to us. A bit stranger is “want a penis long enough to pumpin a vagina .com”. Kind of sad, really, but it’s the addition of the “.com” that tips it from “pathetic” to “weird” for us. For our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we will go with “spitting impalement from old horror movie (unknown)” (not sure what extra value the parenthesized “unknown” is supposed to add, but it does add extra oddness).
We’re moving Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya] into the out-of-print holding pen. With that adjustment, here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: The Falls (next week!); Darc Arc; Genius Party; The Idiots; The Shout; “Premium” (depending on availability); Spermula; Killer Condom; The Godmonster of Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
Remember, this week you’ll be voting for the Weirdest Movie, Actor, Actress, Scene and of 2017 in the 8th Annual Weirdcademy Awards. Your ballot is here, and the shorts program is available here.
Next week, Alfred Eaker continues his “spirituality” series with Andrei Tarkovsky‘s The Mirror. In honor of the upcoming Academy Awards we’ll look at the one movie worthy of weird notice: Guillermo del Toro‘s Cold War bestiality fantasy, The Shape of Water. Then, we’ll look at two items from the reader-suggested queue: the recent-ish British indie memory-recovery thingee Skeletons, and Japan’s silent Expressionist relic, 1926’s A Page of Madness.
We’ve complained before that the increasing use of privacy filters is destroying our weekly survey of Weirdest Search Terms of the Week, making it so only searches from poor countries where they can’t afford privacy get through. That’s why this week we’re reduced to featuring such searches as “movie kids brother died. his hero fighter named animal has shock collar on gets killed” in this column. (Yeah, that’s probably just a badly-phrased search for a real movie, but what are you gonna do?) Only slightly stranger is the search for “free pure black and white 1950s beastiality movie with shower scene.” Things are so bad that something like “sister show her pantis of her braxer erktik movi” can win our Weirdest Search Term of the Week contest purely due to atrocious spelling and grammar. Let’s turn those privacy filters off and do better next week, shall we, guys?
Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Skeletons (next week!); A Page of Madness (next week!); Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; Darc Arc; Genius Party; The Idiots; The Shout; “Premium” (depending on availability); The Falls; Spermula; Killer Condom; The Godmonster of Indian Flats; I Am Here Now; Sir Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
Only 47 movies left to Certify Weird…
Next week Alfred Eaker continues his unofficial spiritual movie quest by meditating on Andrei Rublev, Andrei Tarkovsky‘s early, controversial (in the Soviet Union) biography of the titular icon painter. Next up, Giles Edwards dives into the reader-suggested queue for a look at Peter Jackson‘s gory 1987 debut, Bad Taste. Giles will also take a second look at Ben Wheatley‘s shroomy historical saga A Field in England, while G. Smalley looks at the chilly new Estonian fairy tale fantasy November (briefly mentioned by the aforementioned Giles in his 2017 Fantasia Festival coverage). We’re filling in holes and patching up oversights as we continue to build to the magical 366.
This week’s weirdest search terms come with an alien theme. The least strange of these is the search for “hungarian alien porn,” a genre we did not realize Hungarians specialized in. A bit stranger in “alien stealing white blood”; who knew there were alien KKK sympathizers? Our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, “dial are sick also monkey movie since our own a sitter,” stretches the theme to its breaking point. We contend that only an alien completely unfamiliar with Earth movies could have submitted such an outlandish and incoherent request. Or perhaps a monkey.
Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Bad Taste (next week!); Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; Darc Arc; Genius Party; The Idiots; The Shout; “Premium” (depending on availability); The Falls; Spermula; Killer Condom; The Godmonster of Indian Flats; I Am Here Now; Sir Henry at Rawlinson End; Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
As of this week, there are only 48 Weird Movies left to Certify.
We’ll start next week’s journey as Alfred Eaker continued his sidebar on legitimately spiritual films with Robert Bresson’s 1951 drama Diary of a Country Priest. Shane Wilson follows up with an arguably spiritual film (though from an atheist): Derek Jarman‘s experimental deathbed confession, Blue (1993). Then Giles Edwards will tackle the last year’s less spiritual, but probably weirder, Australian micro-budget black comedy Hitler Lives!, before we end the week with a second look at the Little-Red-Riding-Hood-meets-The–Howling horror, The Company of Wolves (1984).
The movies above (at least some of them) are weird, but what about the dubious films we saw asked about in search queries, queries that we will now feature in our Weirdest Search Term of the Week contest? For example, someone was looking for a “movie eels in stomach long life raped daughter.” Equally strange is the possibility that “a beast eat human organ and swing them and hang on wall movie” exists. We decided the weirdest search was for “list of 80s movie natives compiet with giant egg on there head race with subtitles,” because the searcher thinks that movies about natives racing with giant eggs on their heads is an entire subgenre of films (and wants to see only the subtitled ones, thank you very much).
Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Blue (next week!); Bad Taste; Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; Darc Arc; Genius Party; The Idiots; The Shout; “Premium” Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
Here’s what we got coming next week: after having written a savage expose on Christian scare films, Alfred Eaker does penance by bringing some legitimately spiritual films to your attention, beginning with Carl Theodor Dreyer‘s Day of Wrath. The, new writer John Francis Klingle introduces us to a new form of odd cinema, the fan film, using the Star Trek Time Warp Trilogy as his text. And things get existential at the end of the week as Shane Wilson reaches into the reader-suggested queue for a look at the 2001 adaptation of Samuel Beckett’s Waiting for Godot, while Pete Trbovich spearheads a second look at 1997’s puzzler Cube. We continue our march to 366 titles…
It’s time once again for our weekly survey of weird search terms that brought people to the site, a feature we like to call “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week.” First up: “lonely maid deflowered in tricky arranged party,” which almost makes sense but is just too bizarrely worded (“tricky arranged party”?) to pass up. We then turn our attention to a search for a “film where a big oil looking puddle eats people in a lake” (we can almost picture this one…) But our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week has to be “2x indion ten rape virgen father.” Aside from the incoherently disturbing premise of the query, there are multiple levels of strangeness at work here: the unconventional spelling, the mysterious “2x,” and the fact that the searcher seems to believe a man can be both a virgin and a father.
Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Waiting for Godot (2001) (next week!); Bad Taste; Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; Darc Arc; Genius Party; The Idiots; The Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
Quick note: with movie #316 Certified Weird, that officially means we’re down to the last 50. What a milestone!
So with that in mind, for next week Alfred Eaker plans to return from vacation with another Orson Welles pick (this time, it’s Welles’ Falstaff adaptation, Chimes at Midnight). Then Bryan Pike looks at two recent releases: Manos: The Rise of Torgo (you may recall Bryan interviewing director David Roy about his Manos prequel while the project was in the works) and Don Hertzfeldt‘s quiet sequel to his “must see” short “World of Tomorrow” (“World of Tomorrow 2: The Burden of Other People’s Dreams”). Finally, G. Smalley will go outside of the new release/reader suggestion box for our third venture into the weird world of Satoshi Kon, 2001’s Millennium Actress.
It’s time once again for our weekly survey of the weirdest search terms that brought people to the site this week, a feature we quite sensibly call “Weirdest Search Terms of the Week.” First we’ll mention one of the more printable of the incest porn searches we constantly see, “incest scene from mainstream movies the mad son doing strange things.” (For some reason, the Internet thinks 366 Weird Movies is an incest and bestiality based porn site. I blame Walerian Borowczyk). Next up is “girl yells is he dead then walks away man floats”: we certainly hope this Googler was describing a scene from a movie and not a real life experience. Finally, our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week is “3d alien p*** woman gets impregnated video.” The use of wildcards in your dirty search terms is rarely a good idea, guys. Is it “3d alien pets woman, gets impregnated”? Maybe “3d alien, part woman, gets impregnated”? We’ll never know what your actual alien impregnation kink is if you don’t spell it out for us.
Here’s the ridiculously-long-and-still-growing reader-suggested review queue. A few notes: you guys understand that, given the incredible length of this queue and the fact that we only have 50 slots remaining, the majority of these will never get reviewed, right? (We will continue to review items out of this queue, selectively). Also, in housekeeping news, we’ll be moving The Annunciation (1984) into the “out of print” holding pen. We suspect that the liberal amount of (non-pornographic) child nudity in that film, combined with noncommercial weirdness, makes it an unappealing choice for any distributor. Anyway, here’s what we have, in order of submission: Bad Taste; Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; Darc Arc; Genius Party; The Idiots; The Shout; “Premium” (depending on availability); The Falls; Spermula; Killer Condom; The Godmonster of Indian Flats; I Am Here Now; Sir Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
Reminder: our Death Laid an Egg DVD/Blu-ray giveaway contest ends next Tuesday, so if you want to enter the contest go here. As far as new material goes: in honor of the President’s “fake news awards,” Alfred Eaker will spotlight at a movie that’s been sitting in the reader-suggested queue for a while, Orson Welles‘ meta-documentary (and final film) F for Fake. We’ll also bring you a reader recommendation for 1993 ‘s aspiring camp classic Super Mario Bros.; then it’s back to the reader-suggested queue as Simon Hyslop tackles the underrated/overlooked sci-fi of One Point O [AKA Paranoia 1.0] and G. Smalley brings us another mad Maddin film with the middle installment of Guy’s unofficial autobiographical trilogy, Brand Upon the Brain!
We should also point out that with 314 of the eventual 366 movies now Certified for the list, that means, if we keep up the rate of certifying one movie per week, this project (which first debuted in 2008!) has exactly one year to go… and exciting, humbling, and somewhat frightening milestone.
We asked all the weird perverts out there to step up their Google game for our Weirdest Search Term of the Week contest, and they responded. First off, “poping sit in mouth porositute porn videos” is totally disgusting—or probably would be, if the searcher knew English. As phrased, it’s just delightfully incoherent. We also would like to point out to the guy looking for “homemade interracial p*** homemade interracial motels sucking p***” that putting wildcards in your search is neither necessary nor helpful: it could bring up results for “homemade interracial pies homemade interracial motels sucking paws,” which is probably not what you’re looking for. We’re not sure what this week’s runner-up, “spanish boy was string but he had a gun movie,” was going for, but taken literally, it sure is strange. It was a close call, but we’ll go with “movie girl and blue creature tides bike eats paper” as our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week—nothing like a stream-of-consciousness string of nouns and verbs at the end of your Google query to perplex casual viewers.
Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: F for Fake (next week!); One Point O (next week!); Brand Upon the Brain! (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Green Planet;The Annunciation (1984); Bad Taste; Visitor of a Museum [Posetitel muzeya]; Darc Arc; Genius Party; The Idiots; The Shout; “Premium” Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPELINE
Alfred Eaker starts off next week (and 2018) by finishing off his unofficial miniseries on Ron Ormond‘s Christian scare films with the crowning jewel of the genre: If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? We also plan to throw in another contest giveaway to get the year off to a fan-friendly start (it’s a DVD/Blu-ray combo of the Surrealist chicken giallo Death Laid an Egg, if you must know). But if there were a theme to next week’s slate at 366 Weird Movies, it would definitely be “Giles Edwards 1985 Crime Wave,” since Mr. Edwards will be diving into the reader-suggested queue for looks at Crimewave (1985), Sam Raimi‘s post Evil Dead attempt at reviving slapstick, and Crime Wave (1985), the totally unrelated retro-camp fantasia from Winnipeg’s John Paizs.
Here’s the first set of 2018 entries in our regularly scheduled Weirdest Search Term of the Week contest. We saw fewer bizarre porn searches and more vague movie memory searches, a trend we hope keeps up (you wouldn’t believe some of the stuff we pass on telling you about: there are some real sickos out there). We’ll start with the least weird one as an appetizer, “movie where tall deformed girl grows up in the walls.” Next up is “was there a movie where someones electric underwear shorted out,” a question we’d like to answer “yes.” We also chuckled at “bed boy bubby seax full movi”: we assume Bad Boy Bubby would be too obscure to merit its own porn parody, but if it had one, Bed Boy Bubby would be just perfect. For our official Weirdest Search Term of the Week, we’ll take “what is that creature attached to a mans back when he was swimming in the ocean?“, just because it comes from out of nowhere with absolutely no context. Overall, it’s not a promising start to 2018. You weirdos out there really need to step up your Googling game.
Here’s how the ridiculously-long reader-suggested review queue now stands: Crimewave (d. Sam Raimi) (next week!); Crime Wave [AKA The Big Crime Wave] (next week!); One Eyed Monster; Save the Continue reading WHAT’S IN THE PIPLELINE